Post # 1
some of my back story with her can be found in my previous posts.
But my BILs wife (aka my SIL) and I are back on track to being friends. A few weeks ago we bonded over a bottle of wine and she opened up to me about some of her beliefs.
quick background: SIL and i were both catholic. she made me the godmother to our niece but then after three months converted to mormonism. this was hard for me since she didnt really talk to me about it. i felt cut off and she immersed herself in it. but that was three to four years ago.
shes still very mormon but still drinks here and there ( but had quite for a long time). when we go to the liquir store she wont go in but will hand me money even if we went there for her to get wine for herself. i do feel odd about that. she thinks someone will see her and i guess judge her. when she opened up to me about her beliefs i realized that some of it i agree with and well there is a lot about the mormon religion that i dont agree with. when i feel my beliefs conflict with another i just keep my mouth shut. theres no reason to start debates so i just listen. because most the time you share a conflicting belief it creates a debate. i expressed one belief of mine and that is what happened. i think its important to listen to someones beliefs but not force it on others. which less face it, happens in all sorts of aspects of life. So to be honest she doesnt really know how i exactly feel about certain “things” but then again shes never really asked .last night she wanted to have well a mormon preacher come down to bless our boat. i told her i had already tried to set something up wth our church. but she tried to quiz me about who is going to do it and if i dont have someone specific that she can have her guy come down… she really wanted to have him do it. but i already asked a priest, who actually passed away, in the mean time our church is trying to find another priest. i felt bad to decline but was surprised she would bring it up since our two religions are so different. or at least thats how i feel. some times im not really sure she understands the differences. and i was also surprised at her persistance on the matter. it was pretty ackward afterwards. i didnt go into detail with her about why but bottom line i just dont believe in the mormon religion. im catholic. so why would i have it blessed by a religion that DH and I both dont believe in.
as time goes on how do i gently tell her without hurting her feelings that its okay for her to be mormon but that I dont actually agree with it. I prefer to stay catholic. my mother is from brazil and my dad was irish so its strong in our family. plus i went to catholic private school growing up.
i dont want to offend mormon bees on here but maybe you guys can also shine a light on the situation. i had mormon friends growing up and have gone to their church. I just choose to be catholic. or maybe some of you bees have had this happen with other family members or friends?? any advice would be great! some times i feel shes a little close minded and very sensitive. a few weeks ago she told me one thing she liked about her church vs mine, is that her preacher is someone people can have a personal relationship with… but i felt that was kind of a blow to other religions and my church. because i feel in any religion you can go to your priest or preacher or whatever and start a relationship. it just takes you wanting to be open to it for that to work.
do i ever let her know-thank you but i just dont believe in your church… at all…. kind of thing. or just let it all take course, try to brush off what she says, ignore it and just go on with my life. just keep an open ear with my mouth shut and live my life. trying to be the best christian i can be but i also dont like when i feel im being reqruited or that my current religion is being put down. i still feel bad for even turning her blessing down but its the way i really feel and Dh feels the same way. i dont know maybe im just venting on something i dont really have any control over at all.
thank you bees and again i know this is a touchy subject and im sorry if i have offended anyone. I didnt know where to place this post so i put it in interfaith.
Post # 2
wow sorry that was so long.
Post # 3
souza_2005: My BFF married into a Mormon family, and one of my other very good friends also married into a Mormon family and are both considered LDS. While my two friends are not like this, I think because they weren’t raised that way but rather joined via marriage, but many many many of the other LDS members I know are very pushy about their religion. It’s part of their doctrine to spread the word with others – it’s one of the main reasons you see so many missionaries going door to door. Your SIL most likely is following what she’s taught in Church about continuing to share their beliefs with others. Having atteneded many events at the Mormon church (church, not temple, as I’m not LDS) I find many things they do to be very strange and out of my comfort zone – but I would never put it down to those members. My friend and I joke about it, because honesty she only goes to keep the peace within her DH’s family and not because she really believes (she drinks, does not wear garments, etc).
You need to be blunt and point blank with your SIL. Tell her that while you are happy she’s found a religion she aligns with, it’s does not share your beliefs and you would appriciate if she wouldn’t bring it up.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium
I agree with PP about teling her to not bring it up in the future.
This is slightly different but my FI is Jewish and I don’t have a religion and have no intention to find one. He doesn’t care so much, but I know his family wants me to convert so they can have Jewish grandkids. Some people in the family are pushy, but by now most of them know not to talk to me about it. Personally, the more people try to push me into it the less I want to convert, but that’s a whole other story. When we get married I’m sure some people will ask why I haven’t converted or when I’m planning to and I’ll need to think of a polite way to answer, but for the most part I think they know not to talk about religion around me.
Post # 5
souza_2005: I’m confused. Who’s boat is it? The owner of the boat should be the one to decide who blesses it. Ugh, religious conversations are such a drag.
Post # 6
As Pp said, just let herknow that you’ll have to agree to disagree about religion. She’s found one that works for her, and you’ve found a different one that works for you. I’d also let her know that while it hasn’t been overwhelming, you’ve felt some pressure and prostelitizing and that from now on you would be more comfortable not discussing religious issues with her.
Post # 7
starfish0116: barrogten: thank you ladies. its just so hard since shes also so sensitive (easily offended i think) but youre right. eventually (because we will be married to the brothers/best friends our whole lives) i have to tell her i just want to be catholic. honestly im terrible at this. one time a couple mormons came to my door and i tried to work around it. like oh not a good time sorry. then they came back, and im just out the door sorry, then by the fourth different day i finally had to say sorry im catholic. but youre right i will just have to say at one point i will have to say something.
Aquaria: my boat. and we have had it blessed with champagne and a friends family cerremony but not blessed by an actual church. weve had some bad luck with workers on the boat and she thought if she brought this guy down to bless it, that it will keep the bad luck away. but it seems that would only work if DH and i actually believed it would work?? anyways yeah religious conversations never seem to go well for me, even when i keep my mouth shut.
im hoping she might have just got the point last night when i was like “thanks but no thanks, we will work it out on our own” Once i tried to express that im all for gay rights and she went on to say “well what if in the future everyone is gay?” like that was soppose to change my mind. i said well then they will all be gay? lol i mean i think you are born that way so if they were gay there were always going to be gay. but it was hard for her to wrap her head around and i tried to just change the subject. I try hard to stear clear of subjects like abortion and gay marriage. but then again if everyone kept their mouth shut … then well there wouldnt be as many rights out there. so idk.
Post # 8
Honestly, I’m the type of person who lets anyone say a blessing. If it is goodwill and positive energy directed my way- then bring it on. I don’t believe in a god who would smite my boat because some well meaning person with good intentions blessed it.
Post # 9
eeniebeans: I dont think god would smite the boat for it but if you were already planning on doing it with your church and had already talked to them about it, would you do another one just because she offered? And do you think your DH would feel the same way? esp if the religion believed god would “smite” you for the way you live your life? I think i believe its not that great of an idea for the same reason i think couples shouldnt get married in a church or religion they dont agree with. whats the point? other than just to make some family members happy?
Post # 10
souza_2005: You make a great point about people not having more rights if we all keep our mouths shut.
I’m not Catholic but I went to catholic school for a while. Not really relevant but even as a non member of your religion, I think you have a right to respect your faith and honor it as you see fit, esp when it invovles your property.
It’s hard when you find yourself in the position you are in, and not everyone enjoys conflict. But it seems like you’re going to need to set her straight at some point, and this is a pretty nonvolatile issue. So I’d thank her for her generous offer and then tell her I’m so happy she found what she was looking for in her new faith, and I respect that, which is why I know she will respect my faith. Ask her if she agrees that your relationship is too precious to test with religious disagreements and see if you can get an agreement to leave religion at the door.