Post # 1
Since I began planning this wedding, I have noticed that there seem to be at least two different types of brides out there:
She’s headstrong (but not a bridezilla!). She views her wedding day as a time for people to celebrate her and her fiance and she expects that the guests are appreciative/grateful to be invited to the elaborate party that she’s throwing. It’s common to hear her say things like: “I’m not inviting the pastor to the reception because we’ve already paid him enough for his services”. Or, “Why would I make OOT bags for our travelling guests? I have enough on my plate and they don’t need them”. Commonly they say (or think!) “Well if they (the guests) don’t like it, then they don’t have to come”.
She can be headstrong too, or a complete pushover (and everything in between), but she’s generally more concerned about being a good hostess to her guests. She fusses over the little details to make guests feel welcome. She appreciates that the guests want to come to her wedding and she goes to great lengths to let them know it. Although she recognizes that her wedding day is significant to her and her FI, she is almost more concerned with making sure it’s an enjoyable event for everyone. To this bride, a short wait time between ceremony and reception is more important than 2 hours of photos, she tries to honor etiquette and she would never dream of saying “well that’s just too bad” to anyone about anything.
I’m definitely not saying that one bride is better than the other…I have known both these types of brides and they both throw beautiful weddings. But have you noticed these women too? Are you one of them? Is there a Bride “C”, or Bride “D” type that I haven’t included?
Post # 3
Hm I’m definitely not planning yet, but knowing how I am I would be a mix of A and B I wouldn’t so much fuss over details for guests I would fuss over details because I and the FI cared about them..I would make my guests feel welcome, but if we’re paying a boat load or a good amount of money for a professional photog I am going to make people wait of course with a drink and some food..I’m head strong and I want what I want, but am willing to make concessions depending on what
Post # 4
I don’t know… I mean, as with any categories, I think there’s a lot of in between. In my experience, most brides have a few issues that they’re “Type A” about and many more that they’re laid back with. If someone complains, for instance, about how our wedding is in the city, I’d probably take on a “Bride A” personality a bit. I’d be polite, but there’s no way I’m going to change that our wedding is in our city considering we make the trek out to the suburbs for every single holiday, and don’t complain about work/class/whatever the next day.
But when it comes to food, etc, I’m much more laid back and flexible. For instance, R and I are both vegetarians for ethical and moral reasons, but we’re serving meat because it would horrify our guests to not have a meat option. I don’t like the idea, but I’m not complaining. 🙂
Post # 5
Id rather not me put me in a category…
My mum said I was ‘special’ and thats the only category im happy with! HA kidding!
I got no idea..
Post # 6
@Lilly, that’s an awesome example of serving meat at your wedding! I love that you’re doing that for the comfort of your guests rather than making them eat your vegetarian diets! I commend you for it to, it can’t be easy–I was vegetarain for 10 years and recently started eating meat again. I wonder if I’d have done the same if I was still vege. Rock on girl!
@Charis–Awww, you ARE special!!!!!
Post # 7
I like to think that I’m neither inconsiderate nor laible to be driven into constant breakdowns by other people’s opinions or projects.
I think it’s silly to go to great lengths to let guests know you appreciate that they’ve come – I think most guests couldn’t care less about little projects and it just makes a bride bitter if she’s doing it for others (and not for herself) and no one appreciates it. A heart felt comment to the people you are close to is all that’s necessary IMO. On the other hand I’m kind of horrified by no thank you notes or a long wait time with no drinks/seats/food.
I think most brides fall on a spectrum about how much they care for guest’s comfort, how much they care about other people’s opinions and how much they care about being conspiciously a gracious hostess and I think all three of those are very different categories. I don’t think category 1 and 2 go together, a bride can be very concerned for guest’s comfort and very indifferent to guest’s rude opinions and vice versa.
Post # 8
I think I’m more of a Bride B…i.e. a pushover. But there are some things I am stubborn about, like not having young children in attendance.
Post # 9
I would agree with that second paragraph Archana. I am not a pushover and don’t care too much about my guests opinions, but I am absolutely Bride B, in that I will be the perfect hostess til the day I die! I wouldbe moritified if my guests did not feel appreciated, or if they left the wedding and were still hungry (etc, etc!) I am much like Bree on Desperate Housewives…too much so actually.
Post # 10
With one huge exception, I’m bride B, and my Fi would be a groom B. Being good hosts is out major focus. I think that the ceremony is the only thing that is only about what we want.
That said, we’re older, and our families have not asserted themselves whatsoever. We’re just making the spending choices and timing choices entirely based on being good hosts, though.
Here’s the big but, though: we chose an incredibly inconvenient location. As in, a 3 hour drive, minimum, from an airport, 4 hours from our city. At least 70% of the guest list is out of state. And the few complaints honestly roll right off my back. If you can make it to the wedding, that is awesome, and you will be fetted. But if you can’t make it, I totally understand. That’s all there is to it.
Post # 11
You might be onto something…I’m totally Bride B. Except for that the things that are really important to us–ie our vows, are written to please us, not other people. But above and beyond what we need for ourselves that day, I want to throw a killer party for my guests.
Post # 12
Haha! I read this and started laughing because I am 100% a Bride B!
There is pretty much nothing in the wedding aside from the colors and the cake that are “just for us.” Everything else was done to ensure that our families and guests would feel comfortable and happy. Lucky for me, FI is a people-pleaser too, so this mindset worked for both of us!
Post # 13
between FI and i … we are a blend of both! LOL
FI is type A… I am definitely type B…
growing up in the Korean-American community, i accepted the fact that there will be guests at my wedding that i do not know. does it bother me? yes. will i go along with tradition? yes.
it’s all diff perspectives and diff brides are on an on-going emotional spectrum depending on what part of the planning/wedding/etc. that your referring to, but overall… i am one to believe that esp, the reception, is a time for our guests to celebrate our union… and our parents to show their kids off! :P… 90% of my everyday happiness comes from making those around me happy… this falls in align with my BRIDE B type personality. i am definitely not a pushover, but i definitely want my guests to have a good time, and even moreso both of our parents to have their time of celebrating our wedding day too.
i view the ceremony as more of a “FIANDME” time only.. (even tho we’ll be in front of the guests).. .:)
Post # 14
Yeah, I was definately more on B side since I hadn’t thought a lot about my wedding before hand.
But even though we considered a lot of things at the same time decisions have to be made and no you’re never going to please everyone. We tried to be as flexible as we could but once we made a decision I basically said oh well to anything else that came up that couldn’t be easily intertwined with what we had already planned.
Post # 15
I’m bride A all the way. Lol.
I’m having a destination wedding and people are (of course) complaining about airfare and hotel, but I say, “its my wedding and I want it to be at the beach”. Period. My closest friends and family will be there, and if someone else can’t make it, that’s sad but not a dealbreaker.
BUT I am having a small gap between my ceremony and reception because they are in the same location. So my guests will be constantly fed and entertained during photos. I want the few people who do come to have a blast. I’m not getting all tied in knots over the people who can’t (or won’t) pay to come to the wedding.
Post # 16
I think bride “C” would be a mix, like me! Our wedding day is about us and if people don’t like what we do, then thats their deal. But I also want to make it enjoyable for everyone and am really into the little details. I have no clue when it comes to proper etiquette though, and just kind of do what we want!