Post # 1
I just found this website while googling “couples with different senses of humor” and saw somebody had written a post about it. Like that person I live with my boyfriend, not yet engaged, but have talked about marraige. I am concerned because we seem to have a very different sense of humor. I’ve always been known to my friends to be very bubbly and funny, quoting movies, just always laughing. But my boyfriend has a sense of humor I’ve never run accross before and I’m not quite sure how to handle it. He makes jokes about other girls like sexually, not anyone in particular, but like this morning I asked if he was still using the same deodarant (one he’d bought that he didn’t like) and he says in a gangster sounding voice “yeah, i be wearin it cause the bitches like it, they say oooh, take yo dick out and let me suck it.” I dont really know how to react to this lol. I don’t know if its offensive or stupid, or funny……He also likes to poke fun at me ALLLLL the time. I have a little high pitched voice and I’ll say something like “I want this for dinner…” and he’ll respond with a high pitch “You dooooooo” like mocking my voice. I don’t know. I’m at a loss here. Sometimes it gets annoying being pested all the time and he gets frustrated saying I’m just joking and that I’m too sensetive, he says other women have just “gone alone with it cause they know he’s not serious.” He also jokes about our relationship to others in front of me like “we have two queen beds for vacation, thank god I don’t have to snuggle I can’t take that shit.” Some advice would really help. I try to let a lot of things roll off but sometimes it gets old. What would you guys do???
Post # 2
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
xpretyNpinkStarx: I think that is just immaturity. My Fiance and I have very different sense of humor but hes not disrespectful to a whole gender. I think your Fiance has some maturing to do. Perhaps that is why your humor isnt in tune. Even if meant in a joking matter, in the least it reeks of insecurity.
Post # 3
missjz: Thank you so mych for your relpy! That’s the advice my grandmother gave me as well. What is the proper response then you think? I’ve tried to let him know if it bothers me and he just seems annoyed. I love the man, just trying to sort things out here you know.
Post # 4
xpretyNpinkStarx: The guy I divorced was a lot like this, except for the ongoing sexual jokes. He always joked around and it always seemed to be at someone’s expense. Mine or his kids. It just is not funny and it gets old. And really it can be hurtful. I ended up really disliking it a LOT. I do not miss it one bit. I’m not saying dump the guy, but there could be someone out there who you are more compatible with if you are interested. The man I just married and I have the very same sense of humor. He’s also very bubbly and happy. I LOVE that!! I know how you feel is all …
Post # 5
I wouldn’t describe his disrespectful put-downs as a sense of humour at all. He comes across as someone whose insecurity probably matches his immaturity. What would I do if faced with this insulting behaviour? Well not put up with it or him for much longer!
Post # 6
I’d talk to him about it. Tell him about what makes you annoyed/upset, etc. He may be willing to think a little more before he speaks. Or not. If not, then you need to decide whether or not this is something that you’d be willing to live with for the rest of your life. Keep in mind that people don’t change after they get married!
Post # 7
The thing is,a lot of guys never can or do “mature” in that sense. You might have to ask yourself at some point if you are compatible. I couldn’t be with someone like that.
Post # 8
My ex-husband had a very similar “sense of humor”. As time went on, his comments became more disrespectful and hurtful. He would put me down in front of my family, friends, strangers… When I’d take offense or say something, he’d tell me that I needed to learn how to take a joke and lighten up. Long story short, by the time we divorced (married five years), I felt like I was tiny and beat down. Looking back, I can see how toxic the relationship was and I am so thankful that I was able to muster the courage to leave.
Fast forward six years, I’m with a wonderful man now. We don’t always share the same sense of humor and that’s okay. We joke around with each other and poke fun, but our words are never mean, disrespectful, or meant to beat down the other. Laughter an important component of a healthy relationship. It is not healthy when only one person is doing all the laughing…
Post # 9
xpretyNpinkStarx: I think I can help, maybe. My fiance has a similar sense of humor…although mine is also similar to that, just not as extreme. Example: He’s doing field work this week, just him and a woman from another company. I asked him yesterday how his “affair” was going (that was me egging him on). He, of course, responded with “Great, she sucked my dick today”. Sometimes I don’t have to egg him on to get responses like this, and in those cases it usually illicits an eye roll from me. He also pokes fun at me a lot of the time…it does start to grate on you after awhile. After a few times of me just asking him to chill out with the jokes and it not getting me very far, I finally had to explain to him why he needed to cut back a little. I feel like no matter how much you understand he’s 100% joking about something, hearing a “put-down” over and over again, you start to believe. That worked much better, although he still gets a little out of hand sometimes.
But ultimately, it’s not your responsibility to put up with his behavior (unless that’s a choice you’re willing to make). He should be able to meet you in the middle, and balance the jokes with sincerity. And if that’s something that either of you are uncomfortable with, then it might be best to part ways. If your sense of humor is truly the polar opposite of his then it’ll be a lot harder to deal with his behavior.
Post # 10
- Wedding: December 2014 - Loft
xpretyNpinkStarx: I wish I had an answer for you but unfortunately I dont. To me that just sounds like he doesnt respect you, and I wouldnt even consider marrying a man who makes jokes at my expense.
Post # 11
xpretyNpinkStarx: What would I do? Not date this guy. He sounds horrendously obnoxious. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.
How old are both of you?
Post # 12
The immature jokes may be one, but sarcasm is mean and has nothing to do with humor. I can be sarcastic, but I do it about situations, not people — and I try to keep a handle on it even with that. It’s passive-aggressive to belittle someone and doesn’t come from a place of love.
Post # 13
I wouldn’t let a man speak to me that way. This is classic verbal abuse. He may not realize what he is doing, but it is really hurtful. As a pp said, hearing the same things over and over really get to you. It destroys your self-esteem.
Please don’t think of marrying this guy until this is sorted out. Maybe he just needs to mature – maybe he will never grow out of it. It’s up to you what you decide to do, I would personally tell him that I’m sick of it, and that it needs to change. In my head I would pay attention to if he is trying or not. If he isn’t, I would leave.
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
If it was me, we wouldn’t get too far in the relationship.
Post # 15
My fiance is Scottish and has a very dry sense of humor, like many people from the UK. It took a while to get used to, that’s for sure! But it is how he expresses himself, and I’ve grown to love it. Big difference though is that his dry wit is never intended to mock me, be sexist or make me feel bad about myself. Your boyfriend is either completely clueless as to how hurtful words can be and how certain types of “jokes” make the joker come off as low-class, or he knows these things and doesn’t care. If it’s the former, then you have to explain to him (calmly and rationally, not emotionally) how his words are being recieved, not just by you but by others. If it’s the latter then you should think long and hard about spending the rest of your life with this man.
Your partner should be the one person in the world who always makes you feel your best. There will always be accidental misunderstandings in any relationship, but the ongoing use of words that make you feel bad or upset or even just annoyed is very unhealthy for your relationship.
And the part about “the bitches want me to take my dick out so they can suck it…” Well that is just low-brow and classless and he really needs to knock that shit off.