Differing Senses of Humor

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

xpretyNpinkStarx:  I think that is just immaturity. My FI and I have very different sense of humor but hes not disrespectful to a whole gender. I think your FI has some maturing to do. Perhaps that is why your humor isnt in tune. Even if meant in a joking matter, in the least it reeks of insecurity.

Post # 4
Member
4828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

xpretyNpinkStarx:  The guy I divorced was a lot like this, except for the ongoing sexual jokes. He always joked around and it always seemed to be at someone’s expense. Mine or his kids. It just is not funny and it gets old. And really it can be hurtful. I ended up really disliking it a LOT. I do not miss it one bit. I’m not saying dump the guy, but there could be someone out there who you are more compatible with if you are interested. The man I just married and I have the very same sense of humor. He’s also very bubbly and happy. I LOVE that!! I know how you feel is all …

Post # 5
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wouldn’t describe his disrespectful put-downs as a sense of humour at all. He comes across as someone whose insecurity probably matches his immaturity. What would I do if faced with this insulting behaviour? Well not put up with it or him for much longer!

Post # 6
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d talk to him about it.  Tell him about what makes you annoyed/upset, etc.  He may be willing to think a little more before he speaks.  Or not.  If not, then you need to decide whether or not this is something that you’d be willing to live with for the rest of your life.  Keep in mind that people don’t change after they get married! 

Post # 7
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The thing is,a lot of  guys never can or do  “mature” in that sense.  You might have to ask yourself at some point if you are compatible. I couldn’t be with someone like that. 

Post # 8
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Run. Now.

My ex-husband had a very similar “sense of humor”. As time went on, his comments became more disrespectful and hurtful.  He would put me down in front of my family, friends, strangers… When I’d take offense or say something, he’d tell me that I needed to learn how to take a joke and lighten up. Long story short, by the time we divorced (married five years), I felt like I was tiny and beat down. Looking back, I can see how toxic the relationship was and I am so thankful that I was able to muster the courage to leave.

Fast forward six years, I’m with a wonderful man now. We don’t always share the same sense of humor and that’s okay. We joke around with each other and poke fun, but our words are never mean, disrespectful, or meant to beat down the other. Laughter an important component of a healthy relationship. It is not healthy when only one person is doing all the laughing… 

Post # 9
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

xpretyNpinkStarx:  I think I can help, maybe. My fiance has a similar sense of humor…although mine is also similar to that, just not as extreme. Example: He’s doing field work this week, just him and a woman from another company. I asked him yesterday how his “affair” was going (that was me egging him on). He, of course, responded with “Great, she sucked my dick today”. Sometimes I don’t have to egg him on to get responses like this, and in those cases it usually illicits an eye roll from me. He also pokes fun at me a lot of the time…it does start to grate on you after awhile. After a few times of me just asking him to chill out with the jokes and it not getting me very far, I finally had to explain to him why he needed to cut back a little. I feel like no matter how much you understand he’s 100% joking about something, hearing a “put-down” over and over again, you start to believe. That worked much better, although he still gets a little out of hand sometimes.

But ultimately, it’s not your responsibility to put up with his behavior (unless that’s a choice you’re willing to make). He should be able to meet you in the middle, and balance the jokes with sincerity. And if that’s something that either of you are uncomfortable with, then it might be best to part ways. If your sense of humor is truly the polar opposite of his then it’ll be a lot harder to deal with his behavior.

Post # 10
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

  xpretyNpinkStarx:  I wish I had an answer for you but unfortunately I dont. To me that just sounds like he doesnt respect you, and I wouldnt even consider marrying a man who makes jokes at my expense.

Post # 11
Member
1437 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

xpretyNpinkStarx:  What would I do? Not date this guy. He sounds horrendously obnoxious. I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

How old are both of you?

Post # 12
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The immature jokes may be one, but sarcasm is mean and has nothing to do with humor.  I can be sarcastic, but I do it about situations, not people — and I try to keep a handle on it even with that.  It’s passive-aggressive to belittle someone and doesn’t come from a place of love.

Post # 13
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I wouldn’t let a man speak to me that way. This is classic verbal abuse. He may not realize what he is doing, but it is really hurtful. As a pp said, hearing the same things over and over really get to you. It destroys your self-esteem.

Please don’t think of marrying this guy until this is sorted out. Maybe he just needs to mature – maybe he will never grow out of it. It’s up to you what you decide to do, I would personally tell him that I’m sick of it, and that it needs to change. In my head I would pay attention to if he is trying or not. If he isn’t, I would leave. 

Post # 14
Member
5285 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

If it was me, we wouldn’t get too far in the relationship. 

Post # 15
Member
6032 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

My fiance is Scottish and has a very dry sense of humor, like many people from the UK. It took a while to get used to, that’s for sure!  But it is how he expresses himself, and I’ve grown to love it. Big difference though is that his dry wit is never intended to mock me, be sexist or make me feel bad about myself. Your boyfriend is either completely clueless as to how hurtful words can be and how certain types of “jokes” make the joker come off as low-class, or he knows these things and doesn’t care.  If it’s the former, then you have to explain to him (calmly and rationally, not emotionally) how his words are being recieved, not just by you but by others. If it’s the latter then you should think long and hard about spending the rest of your life with this man.

Your partner should be the one person in the world who always makes you feel your best. There will always be accidental misunderstandings in any relationship, but the ongoing use of words that make you feel bad or upset or even just annoyed is very unhealthy for your relationship.

And the part about “the bitches want me to take my dick out so they can suck it…”  Well that is just low-brow and classless and he really needs to knock that shit off.

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