(Closed) Differing views on marriage?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
8016 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

PumpkinPie-PeachyKeen: It is great for you to say that this isn’t about judging other peoples definition of marriage but you are. You are judging your partner because of his beliefs. Maybe it hurts his feelings that you think the way you do?

I also think it is completely judgemental to think that just because someone believes in the legal state of marriage that it cannot also be emotional or something more for them. You can get legally married and have an emotional and meaningful time as well.

Post # 3
Member
5581 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I wonder if you’re really as far apart as you think.  Guys tend to talk in terms of the practical, insurance, legal proetections for you mean “love” to them.

He may well feel the same depth of emotion as you do but be lacking in the ability to show it the way you would like.  Talk to him.

Post # 4
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

he may feel like weddings are a waste of money,too showy, or something like that. Maybe he’s just saying, as long as you are his wife,you know? A lot of guys don’t make a big fuss about the wedding. Girl grow up being told that that’s their day and all those Disney fairy tails. Girls think about marriage for ages,guys probably only think of marriage and weddings when its about time lol. I don’t think you should freak out and think he doesn’t love you. But you also said you’d be fine not getting married and just staying as is so,idk. Good luck though:)

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  JerNCher.
Post # 5
Member
5209 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

PumpkinPie-PeachyKeen:  That is a very insightful perspective. It’s actually refreshing to see a Bee who isn’t obsessed with getting married. I certainly married for love but to be 100% honest the legal and financial benefits did play a role in the decision – I won’t lie about that. If you and your gentleman aren’t on the same page now you should discuss it before just breaking off the relationship. Remember, he can’t force you to marry him.

Post # 6
Member
8507 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you may be blowing your BF’s comments about your married friend out of proportion and if you are really as far apart in terms of your own relationship as you seem to think.  For one thing, BF’s comments about only missing the tax benefits of his former marriage were meant, sarcastically I assume, to refer to his ex, not to you.  The fact that the only thing he misses about that marriage are the dog and the tax benefits does not mean that’s the only thing he’s looking forward to with you!

Also, I am as big a proponent of marriage for a forever love as you are, but by definition  your friend’s “wedding” was the day she got legally married and took vows.  What she is doing next is a delayed reception. It can be as lavish as she likes, but they are  already husband and wife. Those simple vows they took and the papers they signed actually meant something huge. 

Have you tried to communicate about this issue? Has he said he sees marriage to you in only these terms? Then maybe you have a problem, but not based on your examples. 

Post # 7
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think men in general tend to see the practical, logical ‘black and white’ side of things whereas women in general like to romanticise everything…I honestly think that’s pretty normal! The more important thing is that you are on the same page with regards to spending your lives together and what you want from your future!

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