- 3 years ago
BF and I have differing views on marriage and it’s making me doubt whether I want to marry him. Spend the rest of my life with him? Sure, definitely. But maybe not as a married couple.
For me, marriage is first and foremost spiritual/emotional. Legal marriage doesn’t mean crap to me*. Yes, I know it’s great to have the benefits of it like taxes and medical stuff, etc. But that is not enough of a reason for me to get married. Marriage to me means being in love with someone, dedicating the entire rest of your life to that one person, publicly declaring your love on your wedding day, having some semblance of a wedding, being connected on an emotional level.
BF, however, thinks of it more legally. I was asking him [about a friend (who has the same views on marriage as I do) who got legally married but is getting “weddinged” in a few months] if I should call her partner her fiance or her husband. He said, “Husband, all that counts is that you’re legally married.” I know that is a harmless comment but it kind of hurt my feelings that he sees it like that, especially after I explained my friends’ view.
BF was married before, and let’s just say it was a decision made fast into the relationship, they eloped in vegas [I don’t know the details and don’t really want to but he says he wasn’t married in a “sensical sense”], and according to him, there was no love on his end. The things he talks about missing in his previous marriage is the dog and the tax breaks.
He says he really loves me and I trust him; but how can I marry him when I feel we are on totally seperate pages? I don’t want to get married to someone who’s not on the same page with marriage. I will happily live my life never married but in a committed relationship. Because if I get married, I plan to be married to that one person forever. I want the marriage to have a mutual meaning of deep love. I want the wedding to mean something. The wedding is when I personally would feel that we are officially married. Again, legality, just going to the courthouse and swapping my name out is absolutely worthless and meaningless to me. But to him, that’s all that matters?
Is or has anyone gone through this? What are your views pertaining to this? Am I exhaggerating?
(*=This is just marriage for me. Whatever you think defines marriage personally for you that is satisfying, that’s what matters. This isn’t about judging other people’s choices. It’s about different personal choice perspectives.)