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Oohh that's frustrating. It seems like I've been seeing an increased number of posts about this. I've been in two weddings, and for both I smiled and said, "whatever you want." I didn't complain about what they wanted me to do, attended everything I could, helped with everything I could, and did it with a smile on my face (at least while the bride was around!). I had one BM that did much more than the other two, but I don't think she minded. (The other two had a lot going on that prohibited them from doing too much (especially out of town) leading up to the wedding, but they were 100% there for me until the wedding was over. And they did it all with a smile on their lovely faces! In my circle of friends, you don't complain. You do just do it and smile. You are supportive of what the bride wants, because it's HER wedding. I'm not sure when/why BMs would decide to revolt against the wedding the bride is so carefully planning, nor where they got the audacity to do so! I don't think you are asking/expecting too much from her. Good luck in dealing with this issue!
Thanks MyFavorite - It is nice to know there are more ladies out there who smile and make the brides life easier :)
Do not stress about it at all. That is my best advice half of my bridesmaids were really helpful and cool the other half could've cared less and one of the girls in the bad half complained about the dress and shoes that I bought them!!! She claimed she was going ot be tall since the heels were 2 inches. I just don't think some bridesmaids realize it's not about them and they need to be supportive.
You're definitely not the only one! I've got some BMs who have been the best -- my best friend and her sister have been nothing short of miracle workers, one of my BMs is also a bride-to-be so we've been each other's sounding boards, and my MOH is my sister, who is an angel sent from Heaven. BUT, I've got one BM who didn't want to order her BM dress when I needed her to (all dresses had to be ordered at one time so she held everyone up), then she wanted to order it from a different bridal shop, then she complained that I wanted jewelry to be the BM gifts, then she said I better not pick out ugly shoes (also part of the gift), then she said she doesn't understand why I'm planning everything now when I have so long (Oct. 2010) to plan. Sheesh.
Miss CL - This BM was late on buying her dress too! But, she did buy it from the salon I wanted mainly b/c it was a mile from her house and I got a discount for them b/c I bought my dress there. How frustrating, now you have to worry about a dress coming from a different shop on time :-/
@Frenchbulldog: Yes, it IS frustrating. She's can be a difficult person, but I love her all the same. I guess I just wasn't expecting it to be THIS difficult. And now she wants to come with me to look for MY wedding dress. I can hear the comments now... "Well, it's not something I would wear, but..." I've told my MOH to keep the dress-shopping date TOP SECRET.
I'm so sorry to hear about your BM frustrations. I'm lucky that most of my bridesmaids are pretty accomodating. They have very sweetly told me the colors they'd prefer (which are not the colors I'd prefer), but I know they will buy the dress and wear it all the same. They also know I'd do it for them. :)
@ Miss Cherry Limeade - You discussed what your bridesmaid gifts were to be with the bridesmaids? I ask this bc I've thought about letting them know I plan on giving them jewelry and flip flops. I'd like it to be a surprise, but how can I be sure they don't go off and buy jewelry themselves and when we went shopping they all expressed they would be bringing flats for the reception. I just sat there trying not to grin and hoping they'd still wear my flip flops! LOL
@Miss Hot Sauce: I've let them know they'll be getting jewelry as part of it, simply because I know of one of two of my BMs who would go out and buy the gaudiest costume jewelry they could find. I haven't shown it to them but I let them know it was coming so they wouldn't be mad if they had already purchased something else.
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Beekeeper
I have 3 BMs (well 2 BMs and 1 MOH) the 2 that are the BMs are already married and I was a BM in their weddings. One has been really awesome with everything - didn't care about the dress, planned the Bachelorette party and just said "Whatever you want to do", basically w/ her I'm the bride :)
The other BM is great, don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces and she threw me and AWESOME Shower - but she complains every step of the way. Thought the BM dress was too yellow (my dress for her wedding was shapeless and brown), she didn't want to do half the stuff we wanted to for the Bach party so we ended up rethinking the whole thing, etc.
I dont' expect ppl to bow to my every wish b/c I'm getting married, but it is frustrating when I've done all this stuff for her wedding and she complains about my wedding. Am I the only one?