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@Neenavaughn: I don't think you're being unreasonable.
But I don't think email is always the best way to get things done. If I need an answer to something I ask directly. But...if I was in your situation and have already sent out more than two or three messages, I would wait until the day before the deadline and send each lady a gentle reminder.
If no responses come in within a day I would call each bridesmaid and ask why she hasn't responded. There may be a good reason. Perhaps she didn't understand her responsibilities and/or my expectations? Who knows...
But maybe there is no 'good' reason. In that case I would ask her if she was still interested in being in the bridal party and tell her to be very honest. If she still honestly wants to be a bridesmaid, I would make she she understands her role and responsibilities (i.e. dress must be sorted out immediately). If she seemed uninterested, not committed etc...I would gently ask that she come as a guest rather than be part of the bridal party and perhaps participate in another way - reading etc.
@AlbertaBride: Thank you. I have talked to them each personally about when I expected them to have their dresses, so its really no surprise to them. I believe that cost may be an issue for a couple of them as all of my bridesmaids have never been a part of a wedding party before. My future sister in law is a bridesmaid and she was stressing out months ago about the cost because she has to buy her dress and her daughters dress who is my flower girl and I told her that I would not be upset if she decided to step down. I totally understand, but I feel like I need to know now whether or not anyone is not able to do it so I can continue on with my planning. Its just getting rather frustrating! My MOH is going to make some calls for me, she is great! :)
@Neenavaughn: Have you asked your bridesmaids, individually, what their budgets are? If you haven't you really need to before you order dresses to make sure the dress you want fits in their budgets. If it doesn't you need to find a new dress (as opposed to kicking someone out). I don't think cost should be a huge issue.
Once a dress is picked out just give them a deadline to order the dress by (which it sounds like you've done) and maybe send a reminder a few days before the deadline. That's it. You don't need to be sending multiple emails. Also, what kind of response do they need to send? You can ask that they email you when they've ordered the dresses, but I wouldn't expect much else. If a bride kept sending me email reminders about ordering my dress, I would probably take them as what they are - reminders - and wouldn't necessarily respond. It's not because I'm uninterested, I just wouldn't see a need to respond. Unless of course, you're asking questions about color, style, price, etc. - then they should be responding and I'd call to see what's up.
The deadline is the end of Feb., they have 3 weeks to order their dresses - that's PLENTY of time. If they don't get the dress (in time for the wedding) then they've taken themselves out of the wedding. If the deadline passes and you still haven't heard from a BM, then you can call and see what's up and ask if she needs any help ordering the dress.
Also, please please don't kick your bridesmaids out because they seem "uninterested." It's rude and is pretty much a friendship ending move.
Finally, I don't think you're being a bridezilla, BUT if you keep sending emails about ordering a dress you start to push it.
Anyway, good luck and don't stress! As I said, they have plenty of time and I'm sure they'll all get their orders in.
@RunsWithBears: you are wise, you basically said everything I would have.
OP- listen to Bears- she is right on the money!!
@Neenavaughn: you think she will step down because of the cost? why don't you offer to help her with the cost? but it depends on if you really want your sister in law as a bridesmaid or not, if you do want her in then help her with the cost, if you care more about her paying for the dress or step down, then maybe you need to re-evaluate your priorities. that's the only thing that seems bridezillaish to me. your bridesmaids do need to order their dresses asap
Runswithbears' advice is right on (as usual!)
You see it as "OMG there are only 3 weeks left until they order their dresses!!!" They see it as "I still have 3 weeks to order my dress." If it gets to a few days before the deadline, then call them. Don't email them.
@Jacqui90: Lol. Unfortunately buying her dress is not in my budget. They all picked the dress, I didn't choose it for them.So if they felt they couldn't afford it they should have kept looking. I'm not kicking anyone out but I kinda need to know FOR SURE who are going to be bridesmaids because my mother in law wants to start working on bouquets and needs to know the correct amount of flowers to get. I just don't think it's hard to reply. What I asked them is if they wanted to do a group order and only one replied. Just kinda stressful. And I've spoken to them On the Phone as well but if I send a message asking a question I expect a response. I'm really not being a Bridezilla!
@Neenavaughn: no you are not being a bridezilla expecting a response, they should definitely respond to you about the dresses!
Before you get too worked up you should follow up with a phone call or in-person visit to each. Don't assume malice; the non-responsiveness may be perfectly innocent. Your emails could suddenly be filtered into their spam folders or perhaps they did not read the email entirely and didn't realize a response was necessary. Have a conversation (either in person or over the phone - not via text or email) with each of them. Get the answer to the dress question and have a conversation about the most effective way of communication. Maybe email is inconvenient or impractical for some of them and calling is the only way to get a timely response.
@swarlesk: I guess I should clarify. I sent a group message thru facebook because I know most of them log on everyday. And it goes into their inbox. One of them sent me a message telling me that they liked our engagement pics so I know that they saw the message. But its fine. I'm not getting worked up but I just want everything to go smoothly. Heres to hoping for the best.
Not everyone checks their email regularly. If you have given them a deadline of month end, they still have 18 days. I don't think that is unreasonable for them to believe they have enough time to order.
Oh my goodness. I totally understand. I am going through some drama with my bridesmaids not getting their dresses on time as well. I didn't want to send a note two weeks before they were supposed to be bought cause I thought it would be a bit of a nag. Boy was I wrong. Now I so wish I had done it!! Three of them have told me they need an additional two months to save up for the dresses ($130) that I had told them about 4 months ago.
So if you can don't just assume like I did cause I regret it. Maybe just a quick call to remind them. Good Luck!
@SeattleRu: Does the store have some sort of payment plan for them? Maybe they could pay a deposit to get the dress ordered and then the balance when it arrives.
Well I ended up cutting out 3 bridesmaids. My future sister in law was "relieved" and even insisted that her daughter(which is my goddaughter) not be flower girl because she would rather them all come as a "family" whatever that means. Its just been super stressful. Only 2 of them met the deadline so thats who I kept! Only one of them were upset, but she will get over it. There are always other roles. I feel bad because my fiances family is just being so difficult. He has 2 brothers and neither one of them are his groomsman. Also we wanted his little nephew to be the ringbearer but his brother said he wasn't bringing him because he didn't want to watch him all night! smh. Sad! But we are going to continue with our planning. I'm so looking forward to August! Thank all you ladies for your advice! And good luck to you as well! @SeattleRu:
@futuremrsfitz18 Sorry! I wasn't subscribed to the topic. My bridesmaids finally got it together. But no we were going through a website so no payment plan.
Neenavaughn I am so sad to hear about your family issues. Sending positive & happy thoughts your way.
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Hello Bees! I'm having an issue with bridesmaids not communicating back with me about their dresses! I've sent out several emails in regards to them ordering their dresses and giving them a deadline of the end of this month! I'm feeling like if you don't respond then you don't want to be a bridesmaid. What do you guys think? Am I being "Bridezilla" ish!? lol