- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I’m in need of some help, please. My wedding is 12 days away. Here is the issue:
The church we are using for the ceremony is not our home church. The church has offical rules concerning videography and photography, and we were given a copy of the rules when we paid our deposit. We are 100% cool with following those rules.
Some of the rules: no flash photography during the ceremony (but we can use flash during the recessional and processional). The photographer can stay in the sanctuary during the ceremony but can go no closer to the altar than the fifth pew from the back. The videographer can record from the balcony, along with placing a remote-controlled camera in the choir loft. Totalyl fine, we knew the rules when we paid the deposit. We met with the the minister of marriage back in December and she verbally told us all this and gave us ANOTHER copy of the church’s offical rules.
However, that minister of marriage is NOT the person who will be there at the rehearsal and wedding day. That’s J, who I had the unfortunate pleasure to meet Friday.
My videographer met me at the church to peek into the sanctuary and ask a couple of questions. J volunteers in the office one Friday a month, does not answer phones/have email (you have to contact the minister of marriage, who serves as the go-between), and has been in her position for 35 years. Despite having booked the church a year ago, I had never met J and knew I wouldn’t see her until the night of the rehearsal. Basically, J calls all the shots.
J showed my videographer and I around and took that time to go over the rules again with us…. which were DIFFERENT that the offical rules I received in writing when I paid my deposit. According to J, the ONLY time the photographer is allowed in the sanctuary is during the processional and recessional, and he can only walk up to the second pew from the back. After the processional, the photographer has to immediately go up to the balcony (which is set back a lot further than the pews) and stay there for the remainder of the ceremony, until we start the recessional. Flash is not allowed anytime during the ceremony, but that we already knew and agreed to. For the videographer, J said the camera in the choir loft had to be completely “out of sight of the congregation”. My videographer tried to question her about what that meant, but J kept saying that phrase over and over again and got angry with us when we asked for clarification as to what she wanted us to do about it.
Besides given us rules that weren’t in the offical packet I received, J was flat-out RUDE. She talked over me and the videographer, wouldn’t let us ask questions, and even made a *racist comment*. I was SO embarrassed and wrote an apology email to my videographer as soon as I got home. I will be writing a letter to the head minister once the wedding is over about how badly J represented the church.
Soo… what should I do? This lady J is the person who will be enforcing the rules the day of the wedding, yet her rules are different from the official ones. If this was a vendor who started to change the rules on me after I had already paid the deposit (and signed an agreement to pay the first set of rules) I would demand my money back and find another vendor. Not so easy when it’s a church and the wedding is in 12 days…
I placed a phone call to the minister of marriage to express my concerns.. basically told her (very politely) I was worried that the offical rules I was given didn’t seem to be the same as J’s rules. I haven’t heard back from her yet.
What should I do? My concern is that the minister of marriage has no power the day of the wedding since she’s not there… it’s all J. So should I just suck it up and go along with what J wants? Or insist on following the rules that are “official” (but what to do about J….)? I don’t know any couples who have gotten married there than I can contact.
Sorry this is so long, I’m just frustrated and in need of some advice.
On the bright side: THANK GOD I had the chance to meet this women before the rehearsal, so at least I know what to expect that day..