Post # 1
So I was wondering if there is anyone out there in a similar position. I have a dad and a mom but for personal reasons I don’t want either of them walking me down the aisle. They’re not bad people but I have good reason to keep my distance and I have for the past 10 years. Walking down the aisle with my father would feel dishonest. I don’t want to start out the ceremony with “bad vibes.”
Anyway, enough with the backstory. I wanted to know if anyone else has made the decision to break with tradition and not walk down the aisle with a dad (or other family member) who expected the privilege of doing so. How did talk to them about it? How did they react?
Any experience or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 3
That is really tough. I haven’t had to do this, but perhaps you could explain that the symbolism of you coming into the marriage alone and of your free will, (and that he is too) is really important to you? Just a thought… if you have a reason to give other than the fact yoru relationship isnt stellar then it might make it an easier let down.
Post # 4
I’m in a somewhat similar situation, but I don’t think my parents would care either way. Hopefully someone who has talked to their parents about it can give some advice.
But I’d say just explain to them that people don’t always do the traditional thing anymore and that a lot of people walk down the aisle alone. Tell them that you like what it symbolizes. I think it best not to bring up that your relationship with them is less than ideal.
Post # 5
I would think first about whom (if anyone) you do want to escort you. It’s a lot easier to say, “I really like the symbolism of coming of my own free will,” or “I’d really like my brother to escort me,” etc., than to say, “I wouldn’t walk down the aisle with you if you were the last person on earth!”
Post # 6
I think the bride walking solo will look fine! It will put the focus 100% on you – and your groom. Just tell your parents that you’ve decided you want to walk in by yourself. To soften the news, you can say it will be nice for your dad to escort your mom so they can walk in together, instead of your mom walking alone. No need to go into any more detail. I hope they respect your wishes without any drama. The “giving away” of the bride is a REALLY old tradition, dating back to when women were property and it was literally the FOB giving his daughter to her new owner/husband. Ugh.
Post # 7
Thanks for chiming in. I think framing it in terms of symbolism is the way to go here. It hardly makes sense for someone to “give me away” when I’m paying for the wedding myself. I think that no matter how I couch it though feelings will be hurt. Guess I’m just trying to brace myself for that.
Post # 8
I agree that it would depend on if you were walking down the aisle yourself or if you were asking someone else to do it. If you were walking by yourself, it would be an easier conversation than if you have someone else walk you down the aisle. Though, if it is someone else, just explain how you feel that person was there for you for your entire life, and you want them to give you away. Good luck and hope all goes well.
Post # 9
@2PeasinaPod – I will be going solo. Nerve-racking as that may be. Hope I don’t do a face plant on the way down the aisle.