Difficult Situation

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I would go to the courthouse and get married and maybe have a big BBQ for family to celebrate with you. That’s my suggestion. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

Have you thought of maybe pulling off a small surprise wedding?  Or planning a small outdoor wedding at a park with just punch and cupcakes or something there?  Personally, I would see what the counselor recommends for a timeline and would consider waiting a wee bit longer just to be sure everything in your relationship is what you both need for it to be.

 

Post # 5
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Honestly, I think that you should really spend some time together and work out the kinks before jumping into marriage. I know that you think you are ready for marriage, bu he obviously isn’t. Calling off a wedding is a big deal, adn I don’t think a couple months is enough time to truly be over that

Post # 6
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Young.love:  Step 1: Premarital counselling. Just because it’s great now doesn’t necessarily that you won’t hit a bad patch again, and he needs to know better than to run away from the problem when that happens. Hopefully he got that out of his system, but I still think premarital counselling is a good idea for everyone.

As for having a special wedding, why not have a close friend or family member get ordained online? Then have a potluck reception in a park or someone’s backyard. It’s low-key and low-cost, but more involved than a courthouse wedding.

Post # 7
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Congratulations on working through a big problem in your relationship. Counselling was an excellent idea.

You have several choices for a wedding:

You could go away for a couple of days to a nice holiday house (maybe somewhere with a view) with a couple of friends and your child, have a caterer cook a dinner party for your reception, and have a celebrant marry you.

You could have something small in a local garden, with just your closest friends/ family, followed by a reception in a nearby cafe / restaurant.

You could throw a party, and surprise everyone with it actually being your wedding.

Whatever you do, still enjoy the special parts: choosing your dress, having some flowers, sharing with those who are really close to you.

Post # 8
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Can you plan a getaway for just the two of you and get married while you are on vacation? That would make it a little more special.

Post # 9
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why don’t you and your daughter go to Hawaii (or somewhere) and just get married all together on the beach somewhere? You could invite close family if you wanted, you could wear a wedding dress if you wanted, but its not a courthouse wedding. 

Post # 10
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

@Young.love:  You can elope somewhere or just have a small ceremony and a beautiful location – it doesn’t have to be at the court house.

Perhaps just you two and your daughter? Or a few close friends and family.

Vegas? Cruise Ship? A mountain top? Anywhere really

Post # 11
Member
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

First of all, congrats on starting to work through so many issues. It’s really commendable. It’s nice to hear that you have both made some improvements and worked on some self-love! 

Second, what is it that you want out of a wedding? Do you want something small? Big? Far away? Close to home? Do you want your daughter to be very involved? It might help to know some of what you want now that we know what you don’t want!

Post # 12
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Beach

What do you want? If having a wedding is what you want then you should do it no matter what people say just invite family & close friends and have a simple wedding. If you dont want a wedding at all just go to the courthouse and have dinner afterwards with friends and family 🙂

Post # 13
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Young.love:  Maybe you can do just a small ceremony..or go to the courthouse and then just have a dinner/bbq/celebration afterwards? 

Post # 15
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

Ehhh.. I’d wait. Like others have said, canceling a wedding is kind of huge (but I don’t mean to say that pple should just go ahead and get married if they feel like they shouldn’t, no matter how close the wedding is). I mean, it’s not like he left you at the altar, but at the same time, I feel like its recent enough that pple will remember it. I say give it a year–at least. 

Post # 16
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Young.love:  I would wait a year and make sure everything sticks.  My dad got back together with my mom and things were great for a few months then he started to slack off and they ultimately ended up divorced.  I think a year is just long enough to make sure everyone is serious about making the necessary changes but not too long that he feels you don’t appreciate the accomplishments he has made so far.  Just my two cents.

If everything goes well over the next year, everyone will see how things have changed and that you’re really committed to one another.  Then friends and family will be more supportive of planning another wedding and you can celebrate without worrying about what everyone thinks about the previously cancelled wedding.

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