Difficult situation with future sister-in-law

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow. She seems really pushy. At this point it would probably be easier to keep her as a bridesmaid. But don’t feel bad, at all, about having your brother as your Man of Honor! It’s not even that unusual these days. I had both my brother and a male friend in my bridal party! I would also, generally, just get used to putting your foot down about wedding things. Practice this statement “That’s an interesteding idea, and I appreciate the oppinion, but we’ve alread decided ___. Did you see that new Steve Martin movie?” Or something along those lines. 

Post # 3
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m not sure it’s fair to say that this shows she is unsuitable as a bridesmaid. It sounds to me like she’s the type to get way over-excited and over-enthusiastic and, yes, very presumptious about things. It’s why she assumed she’d get to be a bridesmaid and she was probably extremely disappointed to feel like she was coming in second place to an unconventional idea (in her mind).

If you can, try to be patient and understanding. Has she been to many weddings? If so, she’s probably used to the more conventional aspects (sisters as bridesmaids/MOH), if not, she’s probably just ecstatic to go one. My youngest brother, who is significantly younger than me, had friends (who I’ve never met) that expected to be invited to my wedding just by virtue of knowing my brother. They were young kids and had never been to a wedding before.

My SIL, who I love dearly, knew that she was my only bridesmaid for a long time (before I asked my other girls) and even asked my husband (her brother) if that meant she was MOH. And not even because she’s a presumptious person, just because she was excited and confused since I’d never clarified her position directly.

If/when you can, you and your husband should take her out to coffee or invite her over alone. Speak to her in person as calmly as you can. Apologize for not making things clearer by discussing them with her directly, but state that you’d rather she ask than assume any aspect of your wedding that is unclear to her. Say you’d be honoured to have her as a bridesmaid but that your brother has accepted the ‘honour’ position. Do it for your husband. 🙂

Post # 4
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Siniria:  my very first thought? Your brother is your Man of Honor, and his sister is his Best Woman. Problem solved! I honestly think that would be so cool!

Post # 5
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Be careful with this little get together you have planned. FSIL might be thinking that once you get to know her better then she’ll be your MOH, since not knowing her is the reason you gave previously for not making her MOH. Make sure it’s clear that she will not be MOH at all and that your brother has taken the role.

Post # 6
5187 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Siniria:  “I strongly suspect that she only wanted to be a Maid of Honour because it’d give her great status”

Not sure what this means, but you state that she apologized for her tantrum and it seems she wants to spend time together with you.  Let the incident cool off and see where your relationship goes from here.  If I was you, I would include her in the BM communications, being that you agreed to have her and she hasn’t bailed out.  Dropping her may just bring more drama and it’s not like you have a lot of options of other bridesmaids, as you state in your OP.  

Post # 7
7119 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

She apologized, and it’s not like she came after you and tried to ruin your marriage. this is your FI’s sister, so you need to let him take the lead unless she does something unforgivable aimed at you specifically. 

Also, what status do you think she is trying to glean by being your MOH? 

Post # 8
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Siniria:  At this point I would keep the peace and keep her in the wedding. You’re going to be in each others lives forever, no sense in making it more awkward. After the wedding you can go back to normal. Who knows, maybe getting to know eachother will be good for your relationship.

Post # 9
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Have to admit I laughed out loud at this one… She sounds RIDICULOUS!! Since you’re not close I’d be firm about not having her as the MOH. sounds like a lot of the conversation is going through texting and things can be miscommunication that way. When you see her in person ask her to be a bridesmaid, stress that you’d reallllly like to get to know her better and are really excited to have this chance, make her feel important but mention a couple times about how you guys haven’t really spent any time together and maybe she’ll get how crazy her expectations were.

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