- 5 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
this is my first time posting on this website, but I have seen so much support coming from all the ppl here, that I decided to post as well, in hope to get some advice.
I have been married for almost 2 years. I dreamed how everything would be, the wedding, the honeymoon, our lives together but nothing even came close to what I though it would be like. We never had a wedding, no dress, we never had a honeymoon, we never travel or go on vacations, there are no gifts, he does not like celebrating anniversaries, birthdays and holidays. The thing that makes it worse, is that he was married before and she got all the things, that I could only dream off. Why did they have a wedding? Why did she get a dress? Why did they go on a honeymoon? Why did he celebrate anniversaries, holidays and birthdays with her? Why did her take her on trips and vacations and made her gifts and treated her like she was the best thing that’s ever happened to him? I am trying to understand why he gave her the world and why he made me feel like second hand for the last 2 years.
I can’t belive I am writing this because all I am doing is complaining but I feel like no one is understanding me. I have been very unhappy. He is a good man. He doesn’t cheat on me, he doesn’t physically abuse me..
I always think that we can make it work because I belive that God brought him into my life. I went through a rough time and I prayed to God to bring the “right” man into my life so I wouldn’t keep meeting the bad ones. And that’s when I met my husband, I fell in love with him and we married 8 months later.
I feel humiliated by him many times, I want to be invisible when he makes me feel that way. He is not a bad person and I hope that things will change, he knows I’m hurting, but I don’t think that “my pain” is enough to motivate him to change.
I’m 23 (he’s 6 years older than me), my self-esteem is almost non-existent, I look down all the time and I’ve become weak. I am not the person I used to be and I am ashamed of the woman I have become. When I see happy ppl everywhere, getting engaged/married, making plans, etc. I think of my life with him for the past 2 years and I have nothing good say about marriage. I used to be pro marriage, now..I think of it as prison.