Difficult timing: engagement and a funeral

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Hmm, it’s a tough one. Sorry to hear about your Grandad passing.

Great that it’s nearly proposal time and he has the ring though! I don’t think many would see it as insensitive and I’m sure your Grandad would like for everyone that is left behind to live full and happy lives. Perhaps your FI could wait until the weekend after your anniversary – arrange a special celebration then, it would take away the surprise but also be in a different month from the funeral.


Post # 4
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014


LittleWigeon:  I wouldn’t worry about the timing too much. My great grandma passed away and some family members (2nd cousins who I am not close to) didn’t know I was engaged until we were at the funeral.

I also gave some save the dates to aunts and uncles in person. Never heard anyone say it was tacky or rude. It seemed to give them something to be excited about and I was pretty worried that they would be upset with my timing. But my mom and grandma both said it would be fine…and they were right.

Post # 5
65 posts
Worker bee

My engagement was announced at my greatgrand mother’s funeral dinner lol. Mom decided to tell everyone about it at this timing because most of my family and relatives live in other states. Thing is though, my great grandmother was 99 years old and died for old age. Everyone was happy for her peaceful death. We talked about the old times and overall a very happy famiy gathering.


You can’t wait forever though. There is always a chance you might get another funeral to attend 3 month later… 🙁

Post # 6
1085 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Get engaged now, but tell people about it later. My reasoning: I was on Cloud 9 when I became engaged. As soon as a I shared with friends and family, the stress started. One friend showed up with a stack of wedding magazines and a list of about 80 things I had to do to plan a wedding. Other drama with family ensued. 

Use the time when NO ONE else knows to have discussions about what you want to do for a wedding, how much you want to spend, how long you want to wait, etc. It seems to me, from my own experience and from reading these boards, that friends and family get so excited they almost want to take over your wedding planning.


Post # 7
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Carolsays:  This. Lol. As soon as people know they come out of the woodwork. Enjoy the engaged time BEFORE all of that starts. 

It does suck about the timing, but at the same time, I’m sure your granddad would want you to be happy and have everyone moving forward with their lives. <3 I’m sorry for your loss, btw.

Post # 9
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Alexander Homestead

LittleWigeon:  I am so sorry to hear of your grandfather passing as well.  I have a similar situation where my FI would be celebrating 8 years this year and said he would propose before this summer and we got some bad news about his brother who is extremely close to.  FI had already made plans to propose on Valentine’s Day and still moved forward with the plans athough everyone was kind of down about his brother’s news and it really helped to lift everyone’s spirits! Kind of gave them hope for a happy future I guess and they lived that vicariously through us.  His mom was thrilled, sister was thrilled and I think it gave everyone something to take their mind off of his brother for a while.  You may be pleasantly surprised how your family receives the news.  Best wishes to you both!<br /> <3

Post # 10
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014


First off, I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather. 

This exact thing happened to FI and I. But, we knew my grandmother was going to pass soon, so we tried to time the engagement so that she would be alive when it would happen. We thought getting Engaged on my birthday (December 1st) was he perfect time. FI set it all up with the store we bought the ring from (which was Birks – almost like a Canadian Tiffany’s – FI bought from them because he expected amazing customer service, unfourtanately we didn’t get that) Birk’s promised FI he would be able to pick up the ring on Nov 26th.

Long story short FI went to pick up the ring, and it wasn’t ready, it was in another city 8 hours away being resized and we wouldn’t have it for “weeks” accoring to them.  FI was SO mad, but we still had hope it COULD be ready before my grandmother passed.

It ended up that it didn’t happen, my grandmother passed December 4th and we got the ring December 7th. My grandmothers Memorial serive was booked for Dec 15th. We talked to my parents and they said not to delay our plans because of my grandmother, or the memorial, because she wouldn’t want us to delay our engagement. So we got engaged December 8th. Looking back now, neither FI or I regret our timing.

You just have to do what feels right to you, and your FI. In a way I still feel like my grandmother was part of our engagement in some weird way, when I think back to when we got engaged, shes always in those thoughs too. None of my family members were upset, they all said, just becuse something sad happens doesn’t mean good things can’t happen around the same time. 


  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Stephville.
Post # 11
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just like life doesn’t get put in hold when people have weddings, life doesn’t get out on hold for funerals either. There will be a time for grief (during the service) and then there will be a time for celebration of life (at the wake). It may sound weird but some of my best memories with my family were when we were all together at a wake, talking about the loved one who had just passed, remembering them fondly but also talking about the future. Take the opportunity to share celebrate your amazing news with them then. 

Like you said, they need something happy in their lives to balance it out. 

Post # 13
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Do whatever works for you! 

My  mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly 10 days before our wedding…we decided to go through with the wedding and I’m glad we did. I knew that’s what she would have wanted, and it truly was a spot of joy for the whole family in a very hard time. that said, do what is right for you.  


Post # 12
384 posts
Helper bee

I am getting married in 3 weeks and his grandmother passed away in December. Due to the cold weather they thought they were going to have the funeral just 2 days after we got married. Luckely the cold weather thawed a bit to get into the ground. I would say get engaged as planned because families get excited to discuss things like this when they are together.

Post # 14
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We were in a similar situation. FI’s grandpa had been very sick for a while, and everyone in the family knew the time would be soon. We didn’t take that into consideration though when we got engaged, because we didn’t realize it would be THAT soon. FI proposed and was able to call his grandpa to tell him the happy news, and I’m so glad he had that opportunity. A couple of months passed, and then we were unfortunately attending his grandpa’s funeral. This was the first time I was meeting his dad’s side of the family, and it became the first time they found out about the engagement. FI’s parents didn’t pass on the news of our engagement (personal issues, I’ve posted about it in the past), so at FI’s grandpa’s funeral, his cousins and aunts wanted to hear about our relationship and the proposal. Nobody found it insensitive, and it actually brought a very happy mood to the group.

Also, forgot to note that FI’s parents originally tried to schedule the funeral on FI’s birthday, so it may not matter to some families if you mix a funeral with a happy event (even though in this case, FI’s fam was just being insensitive).

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  MKWeddingBee.
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