Post # 1
Dear bees! Happy new year!
If you have sisters in law (husband’s sisters) can you tell me how you get on with them?
I feel quite uncomfortable in their presence and get the feeling they’re not being sincere. Sometimes they even exchange subtle comments with their mother, my mother in law, on me and my family, which is very annoying. I tried to tell myself it is all in my mind and have to work it out, but anytime they’re around the feeling is stronger and stronger. In spite of this I want to be a kind, friendly person to them, they’re my husband’s sisters and it is right to respect them, They’re 36 and 40, and guess they should be mature enough to understand that their brother will always remain their brother and always love them as sisters, even if he’s married to me. Sometimes I think they’re angry about their current situation, they’re both single and my husband told me they went through negative relationships in the past, as a result they’re always home with their mom. I feel sorry for them, cuz I also experienced loneliness in the past and know what it feels like.
Post # 3
I don’t know, from your description it doesn’t sound like they done anything concrete, having some kind of elusive “feeling” that they are doing something is kind of pointless. My advice is be kind and gracious and if you “feel” whatever then limit your interactions. It’s hard to say anything about boundaries because this doesn’t sound like a case where they are doing things that warrant having that discussion.
I also wouldn’t presume because they single that they don’t want their brother to be happy and that automatically makes them lonely. They may just be close with their mother.Read some post around the bee and you see some people with insane crazy hostile in laws, it will help you appreciate your relationship even it isn’t close. good luck.
Post # 4
I get where you’re coming from, but I think you need to put aside feelings and thoughts, and either ignore it, or address it. I doubt they don’t want their brother to be happy, but I would guess they’re adjusting to a new family dynamic where you are the most important woman in their brothers’ life, and they are trying to figure out how everything is going to work. It can be a struggle for some people to navigate this. Just be patient and kind to them, and I’m sure they’ll come around.
Post # 5
Thanks girls for sharing your opinion. It’s kind of difficult for me to describe the situation. Although it’s only feelings and might sound like fantasies of mine to others, I really feel bad about this. By the way I really heard some of their sarcastic comments, that’s not fantasy. Actually they did something concrete. For example they were very unfriendly at my bachelorette parties, we went to see Madonna’s concert in Milan, and they were complaining all the time because they had to stand during the concert (which is quite normal unless you pay extra for a seat) and they didn’t participate in any of the games organized by my maid of honour and sister during our wedding. One of them wore ivory white (exactly like my wedding dress) at the wedding, advised by her mom. Moreover, always at the wedding, their father, my father-in-law, came with his folk band and played folk musik even if we asked them not to, since we already had a playlist and I really don’t like folk music. Moreover the music I chose was already playing and they covered it with theirs. I succeeded in keeping my mouth shut in all these situations cuz I love my husband too deeply, but I think I have good reasons not to feel good about them. Sorry for venting!
Post # 6
@sasi: eh, sounds like they’re just petty and immature. I don’t think saying anything will get you very far, personally. I imagine that because they’re a pair, they likely feed on each others negative energy. You can try some one on one time and see if that improves anything or just be consistently upbeat, building a happy bubble around you so you’re not bothered. Good luck.
Post # 7
@WillyNilly: That’s what I’m going to do! Thanks for giving me your opinion!
Post # 8
“Don’t throw your pearls before swine” pretty much sums up my feelings on cultivating a realtionship. I keep thing cordial. I don’t push any friendship with her. It is, what it is. And i’m fine with that.