Difficulty choosing bridesmaids!!!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
4909 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Don’t choose based on their ability to help, based on how close they are to you. Who do you see/call most often? Who did you call first when you got engaged?

Post # 4
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m one of those of the opinion that your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest. To me, responsibilities include: showing up to the wedding, standing up for you as you make a lifelong commitment, and smiling. If you ask them to buy a dress, they can agree to that. Choosing people because they can help you plan doesn’t strike me as the heart of what the bridal party ought to be about, despite what Pinterest or reality TV may suggest these days. You may find that even if you select a few of your friends, none of them choose to help stuff your invitations or make your centerpieeces. Maybe just have your MOH and siblings stand up? Or consider going without a bridal party at all! Nothing requires you to have a bridal party, especially if there aren’t people that immediately come to mind for you in the U.S. With just you and your FI, the focus of the ceremony will be entirely on your union, which is charming and sweet. 

As far as planning, consider projects that your Fi will be willing to help you accomplish, or that you can do on your own. That way, if anyone offers, it’s bonus help! 

Post # 5
5333 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

joymond:  Persoanlly, I”d choose your MOH and your FSIL.  Keep it to just the two.  It doesn’t sound like you are really close enough to to the other girls to make them BMs.  When it comes to bridal parties, less is more!

Post # 6
284 posts
Helper bee

If I were you, I would say that less is more. Everybody will feel equally honoured to be invited, you only start creating differences when you prioritize some friends over the other. It sounds like you’re gifted with many friends, although not many particularly close ones, so honour them all with an invitation to your special day and keep your bridal party small for this wedding.

My mother deeply regrets having a friend she wasn’t particularly close to over her sisters, the friend ended up moving away 6 months later and 32 years after her wedding she hasn’t spoken to her since.

And don’t pick these girls based on planning skills, my MOH is my sister and she’s not a planner AT ALL. My other two bridesmaids are a cousin and childhood best friend who live 4hrs away, and they haven’t been able to help much in the planning at all. People can help you even if they aren’t apart of the bridal party, and honestly I’m happy my girls were far away because it let me spend so much time with my mom and FMIL planning, my FI was even more involved in the planning process for our June 22nd wedding than most men and I so appreciated that.

Post # 8
43 posts

How many groomsmen is your FI planning to have? That may help you have a number of girls that you need to pick. (not that both sides have to be even but that might help) My fiance had 6 guys that he was really close to and knew that he wanted in the wedding and he had a 7th on the fence. I then started looking at my group, my sister was easy, then my FSIL and my current SIL. After that I had 3 friends that I felt really close to, there were other girls who I thought of but in the end it just felt forced so I kept it at 6 as well. 3 obligitory via family connection and 3 close friends. 

Post # 10
43 posts

Joymond- You do have quite a bit of time to choose, I would say just keep an open mind! Go on your trip and see how you feel about those girls, dont try to force it but if you find that you are growing closer then consider them. Also consider your co-worker you mentioned. One of my co-workers just got married and our other co-worker was her MOH even though she was older. Overall I think its about how your relationships are with people. Keep an open mind and see how it goes, if in the end you are just picking people just to have them then just keep it small and have your FI and you just pick 1 attendent. You can always have a big shower, bachelor or bachelorette party with a bunch of people, no need to have them all be attendents. Also dont pick based on help or drama, right now I am planning my wedding from out of state and really have planned the entire thing with my Fiance! Is been fun to just have it the two of us- he helped me stuff invites and pick all the decor. After all it is OUR wedding and not me and my bridesmaids weddings. There is always going to be drama, if its not wiht your attendents it will be with your family. Just do what feels right and makes you happy!

Post # 11
481 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Definitely your MOH and your FSIL.  For the others I would say go with your gut.  Or if you want, just keep it the two of them.  I hope people realize that honestly you cannot pick everyone and you did your best.  Pick who you are closest to, not their ability to help.  🙂  Good Luck!

Post # 12
169 posts
Blushing bee

Your MOH and FSIL sound like appropriate choices.

As far as help with planning, I don’t think it is reasonable to expect your bridal party to provide free wedding planning services. At least let them know you expect that of people in your bridal party before you ask so they can give an informed answer. Can you afford to hire a wedding planner?

To paraphrase your opinion of your friends, you aren’t particularly close to them and the helpful ones aren’t the most fun, but the fun ones cause drama. At this time it doesn’t sound like you have a good reason to want them standing up with you on your wedding day.

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