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Difficulty with the guest list

posted 4 years ago in Beehive

Member

185 posts

Blushing bee

Beccs 07-05-08 Naperville, IL

My venue can only accomidate 200 people, so that is the absolute maximum we can have.Â It's tricky since my mom seems to be inviting everyone she's ever met...Â My brother was kind of a jerk for his wedding- our family had less than 20 people, his wife's had over 100 of the guest list.Â My mom was really, really upset that cousins and stuff didn't get invitations.Â So my mom is overcompensating when it comes to mine.Â

Anyways, I'm having a difficult time figuring out what to do in regards to inviting co-workers.Â I work at a small company (about 60 people, most of whom work in the warehouse).Â My department is pretty small and I really only work directly with two people most of the time, sometimes with a third person. It's a small family owned business and I think it would be a nice gesture to invite the three owners.Â They go out of their way to make sure to treat all of their employees incredibly well and I think it would be nice to invite them.Â However, I think it would also be a nice gesture to invite the other people in my department.Â Â

Ideally, I'd just like to invite the three owners, the girl I work directly with, and my direct manager.Â I don't know if it's bad to exclude the third person I sometimes work directly with, but I don't know him that well and it's always a little awkward.Â Â

My only real worries stem from the fact that the company is very small and there are a lot of gossipy women.Â (One co-worker's wife had twins and they went to visit the babies at the hospital just so they could talk about it for the next week).Â I don't know if it will cause unneccesary drama if I invite just a small select few, or if the excuse of it being a small wedding is enough to deter any ill feelings.Â Â

But I also worry that it is rude not to invite the rest of the managers, even though they aren't my managers per say.Â Â

I am probably overthinking this, since the wedding will be an hour and a half away and there won't be any alcohol at the reception, which will probably keep most people at my work from even wanting to go in the first place.Â Â

So to sum it up into my questions:

1.Â Is it bad to only invite the owners, my manager, and the girl I work directly with?

2. Should I invite the guy I don't talk to much and is kind of awkward (I worry he would be the only one from work who would come, because he seems like that kind of guy, and that would be extra awkward.)

3. Should I worry about the wrath of the chatty, gossipy women?

4. Would it be more prudent to just not invite anyone from work at all and give everyone the excuse of it being small and just really not having the space?

4 years ago

Bee

1,456 posts

Bumble bee

cupcake September 20, 2008 Philadelphia

1. I think inviting only the owners, your manager, and your close female co-worker sounds completely reasonable and natural.

2. If you feel like having the male co-worker at your wedding would be in any way awkward, then it seems that you are not close enough to him to have him present during one of the most important days of your life. I know it is hard to feel like you're excluding people, but ultimately the day should be shared with those you feel close to. If he is not one of them, you shouldn't feel obligated to invite him.

3. Inviting gossipy women just for the sake of keeping them quiet does not seem worth it to me. Some people just don't have anything nice to say; unfortunately, they'll probably have lots of things to say regardless of if they are or are not invited. If they are not people you think of as important influences in your life, i would leave them off the list.

4. I get the feeling that you would regret not inviting anyone from work; you have every right to only invite those co-workers you are close with, and you shouldn't feel bad about this decision. People who are mature enough and understanding of the expense of weddings will be completely understanding; those who are not mature enough are not worth your time and worry (or an invitation!). I know this is easier said than done, but it's not worth you breaking the bank our maxing out your reception venue just to make others happy. This is YOUR turn to be happy

Good luck!

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4 years ago

Member

188 posts

Blushing bee

lanny9 in loving memory of my angel Los Angeles

I also have difficulties with guestlist with regards to coworkers too! Invite those you want at the wedding, those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter! My fiance is inviting his whole office (he is closed to them all), but i'm inviting only those that have been there for me and that I considered them "friends." So very selected few. =)

4 years ago

Member

331 posts

Helper bee

kleverkira June 7, 2008 Nashville, TN

I wouldn't worry about it too much. People's feelings probably won't be that hurt, particularly if you aren't friends with them. A girl in my office is having her wedding in a week, and she is only inviting her supervisor, another supervisor she works with, and another work friend. Yeah, when I found out, I was a little annoyed because I do hang out with her sometimes, but I wasn't really offended. If you wouldn't buy them lunch or they wouldn't by you lunch, I wouldn't invite them or feel bad about not inviting them. Best of luck!

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4 years ago

Member

169 posts

Blushing bee

christigpa 10/5/07 PA

1. No, this is perfectly appropriate. Chances are the three owners/spouses will not attend. Your manager/spouse and the girl you work with/spouse may attend.

2. Nope. Not at all - have you ever gotten together with him outside of work? That was my barometer for work invites.

3. Those women will gossip regardless. Annoying? Yes! But unavoidable no matter what choice you make.

4. That's your personal choice. Do you feel you would miss your manager and the girl you work with if they did not attend your wedding? If not, don't invite anyone - that would counter balance your mom's crazy invite list anyway!

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4 years ago

Member

402 posts

Helper bee

princesskittyHI May 2007 Honolulu, HI

1) No; it's perfectly acceptable.

2) Eh, probably not. Sounds like it'll be awkward either way -- invite him = awkward 'cause you don't know each other well; don't invite = maybe you'll feel a little weird at work later, but I think you'll be fine.

3) NO! Forget 'em! Those kinds of people will find something to hate on regardless.

4) Probably, but it sounds like you would regret it.

My general rule of thumb was if I would never consider inviting them into our home for a meal I'd spent time/money/effort preparing, why would I invite them to the most important day of our lives?

4 years ago