Post # 1
I just received a digital save the date for a college friends wedding in September. It isn’t a DW for the bride and groom, but most of their guests (including me) will have to travel. I’m very excited to go, but I’m a little worried my hubsband isn’t invited. The bride & groom sent out the save the dates via an email, and they just sent me one, not my husband (they know we are married, but i know they don’t have his email address). We have to fly cross country, so I’d like to book flights soon, and dont want to wait until we get an actual invitation to see if he’s invited or not.
Is it rude to email the bride & groom and see if he’s invited? Should I email the groom (my college friend) or his fiance (who I’ve met twice)? Is there a way to phrase the email to not sound like I’m asking to invite him – I genuinely just want to know if they are including him in their guest count?
This isn’t meant as to a debate about whether or not spouses should be automatically invited – DH and I are fine if it’s only me who gets an invite.
Post # 2
Since it’s a STD, not an invitation, technically neither of you are invited yet. Aren’t domestic flights usually cheapest if booked 6 weeks – 2 months before departure? It might actually be worth waiting until you get the formal invitation, financially.
Post # 3
I would email your friend. If you’re close enough to get invited, I doubt a quick question would upset him. Maybe you could phrase it as, “Hey Joe, I know there’s no reason you’d have Kevin’s email address, but I just wanted to double check to see if he’s included on the your guest list. No worries either way; I found a great deal on a flight and wanted to know if I should book for one or two. Can’t wait to celebrate with you in —!”
Post # 4
I agree that you can shoot an email to your college friend, and abbie017 phrased it perfectly. I’m also getting married in September, and when I sent out my Save-the-Dates, I addressed it to “The Jones Family” and didn’t include any specific names.
Post # 5
I agree, word it like abbie017. That doesn’t sound rude or pushy at all.
Post # 6
If you think the couple is really that clueless, I would just wait to book the flight. Personally, I wouldn’t say anything since it’s a little offensive to imply that you think they’d be that ignorant.
But if you are really worried, or have to book flights now, in the course of conversation or an email mention that you and H are booking your flights, plural, and are so excited about it. If they correct you, you have your answer and they end up looking rude, not you.
Post # 7
CityBearBride: were any names given on the STD or was it a generic to your email address?
If it was just generic to your email, he’s probably invited and I’d just flip her an email and double check – but as PP mentioned, domestic flights are usually cheapest about 60 days before travel.
Post # 8
We did email save the dates as well and did not send it to spouses/significant others unless we also had their email addresses, but they are invited as well. I wouldn’t be offended at all if someone contacted me to check if their SO was invited too so that they can plan accordingly. Abbie017 worded it perfectly I think!
Post # 9
abbie017: Perfect wording! I’m going to send an email now.
MOHlookingForIdeas: weddingmaven: Normally I’d agree with you! But the wedding is on Labor Day in Napa Valley. I’d rather book the flights now for $350 rather than risk it and see if they get cheaper!
Post # 10
CityBearBride: I can see where you are coming from, but I would not imply on your end that inviting you alone is fine and that they should have “no worries” or that they should have emailed your H a separate STD. It should always be assumed that married couples are a social unit. I would not feed into the idea that it’s an option or OK not to invite a H. Let alone on a holiday weekend in Napa!
Another possibility, if it makes you more comfortable, is to ask a Q that requires a response from them before you book. For example, ” H and I are so excited about your wedding and I thought we would book our tickets early. Do you think that’s a good idea or do you think prices are likely to come down? It accomplishes the same thing without sending them the message that it is OK not to invite a spouse.
But if nothing but the direct approach will do, at the very least I would not send the message that not inviting a H is a perfectly valid option. I’m sure this is all moot in any case. TBH, before reading here, the thought that a spouse would not be invited to a wedding never even crossed my mind. I’m not sure if I would want to imply that I thought it crossed theirs.
Post # 11
CityBearBride: i wouldnt even ask. i would assume he was invited. it would be hard to go to a destination wedding alone. But i dont think your friends will be upset if you ask, for sure.