dilemma :(

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

Not going to lie, if I had expected (because he told me to expect) a certain size ring and I got another I might be sad too- I also live in BK and work in Soho… the rings are cray! So I understand and am not judging you.

BUT I think you might just need to suck it up but sweetly let him know that this “is such a sweet starter ring”… and you’ll be wanting an upgrade down the road. I’m sure he just wants to make you happy. 

Or you can try to have a convo about it- would you be willing to put up some of the cash? Or go for lesser quality but bigger carat? I feel like that could cause a lot of negative drama leading up to the wedding. So personally, I would tough it out till an anniversary. 

Good luck with this! (in life and in front of the swarming bees). 

Post # 5
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think the best option here is to just wait it out and see how he feels about an upgrade for a future anniversary.

And go get that ring insured. You don’t have to get it insured where you bought it- mine is on a homeowners’ insurance policy. It won’t cost that much to insure and it’s wayyyy better than being out the money for a nearly 1-ct. diamond.

Post # 7
Member
9652 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@brooklyn_bee:  Sorry to hear it isn’t what you expected but I’m sure he did the best he could! If a larger stone is something you really want have you thought about any diamond alternatives? or possibly going with something other than a diamond? Another thing if you are just looking for extra finger coverage maybe you could place the stone into a halo setting which gives more finger coverage.

Post # 8
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Don’t feel bad – honestly he put you in a tough position by not communicating this was what he could afford now but that he knew it was under what you were expecting – I truly think communication pre-emptively is so much better than not acknowledging and then you feel awful for how you feel!  But I’m not blaming him – he just likely didn’t want to dissapoint you and didn’t also want to say he couldn’t match your dreams with your first ring – I truly don’t think the issue here is the ring but about communication 🙂  My mantra to my awesome husband who adores me but sometimes struggles with communication is to always manage my expectations and communicate but don’t put me in the position of having to ask first, to trust me to be able to handle whatever curve ball or road block has come up and that I may also be able to brainstorm a solution, that I always want to feel like we are a team and the quarterback can’t win if he’s not talking to his receiver! 🙂  I bet talking about it will make you both feel better too! 

Post # 10
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

Maybe you just need to find a helpful mantra you can repeat when your mind starts swirling…

 

“We have our whole lives for bigger and better” 

My parents got engaged with the dinkiest ring- teensy little diamond flecks flanking a small garnet stone. My dad was totally poor and in law school at the time. For their 10th anniversary he bought her a dream diamond. For my 21st birthday, they gave the original ring to me and I wear it everyday. They’re still in love and I adore having that symbol. And my parents love to look at it and joke about how broke they were then, but how fun life was, and about how far they came. Its really not about the ring! I know you that logically, but use a nice mantra to learn it emotionally. 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

When you told your FI that you wanted a 1-1.5 carat did he tell you that was out of the budget?  If you can’t afford something you can’t afford it, being upset about it isn’t going to change anything.  If you FI is ok with upgrading the stone when the finances are available then you just have to wait until it is in the budget.  It doesn’t help anything to worry about it and obsess over it now.

Post # 13
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

aaaand the ring is gorgeous! Come now. You just have NYC clouding your judgement! There is always someone richer, thinner, prettier, with a bigger ring here (and everywhere). “Comparison is the theif of joy” I heard a bee say that the other day. 

Post # 15
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Blue Horse Farm

@weddingbound:  +1.  If you want to upgrade or have a larger stone now and can’t afford it I think weddingbound offerred some good suggestions.  There are a lot of alternatives that are affordable that could work for you.

If having a diamond is important though, then I think at this point your only option really is to just wait until an anniversary or later on when you can afford an upgrade.  I know it is hard when dealing with disapointment, but coming from someone who was a little dissapointed in her ring when she first got it I can tell you that for me it has honestly gone away for the most part.  I’m just excited to be getting married!  I can’t relate to the huge ring size though, I’m in the midwest and most of our rings are fairly modest 🙂

Post # 16
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@brooklyn_bee:  I guess you are just oging to have to work through your feelings. After all, you stated, “we are not in a financial position to shell out another $10k+ to upgrade a ring  before we get married.”

Since reality is the hindering factor, feel sad and low and then try to see the love behind the ring and proposal. Maybe chat with your FI that someday, maybe in 10 years or so, you can upgrade to a bigger stone. Who knows? You may come to love your original stone in the interim and the whole notion goes away on its own.

Yeah, I’d be a bit sad too if I had my hopes set on one thing and then I got another. It’s just how us humans work somedays. Hang in there!

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