Dilemma about our wedding: parents want to contribute but want more time

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2880 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

Seems like they don’t want you to get married yet and are trying to delay it. 

Post # 4
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sunshinewish15:  you feel that your parents want you to stay home longer…sounds like there might be a bit more we need to know to be of any use…I’m guessing you may be young?

Post # 7
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@sunshinewish15:  I looked through your past questions and saw a thread about how your parents’ overprotectiveness is giving you anxiety. In that case you should definitely ignore them and go for the 2014 wedding.

Also. I’m probably about your parents’ age (I’m here as a future MOB rather than a future bride) and unless your parents have a really poor financial situation, I call BS on them needing until 2015 to save. If my daughter announced she was getting married really soon, we could simply borrow against our home loan to get the money. If that wasn’t an option we could sell some investments, or worst case get a loan. In any case, 12 months would be plenty of time to organise it, and a second 12 months wouldn’t make too much difference. And I suspect most established middle aged people could do something similar.

Post # 8
Member
9092 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ok, so I cruised your previous posts, and it appears you’ve posted a few times that your parents aren’t happy with your time line.  I was going to give the benefit of the doubt that maybe they just really wanted to throw a “proper” wedding, and don’t have the means to do it, but it appears you’re 20, just converted to your FI’s religion and they’re resisting a lot of things. 

I think you just need to decide whether you’re going to make yourself happy, or them happy.  I can somewhat see why they’d feel the need to be pumping the brakes on your behalf at this point, but if you really want to move forward on your own timeline I think you just have to show them you’re an adult making your own decisions and assert yourself.

Post # 11
Member
2880 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@sunshinewish15:  You need to do what you want not what your mum wants.

I got married at 20 many people said we were too young and it wouldn’t last.

Well they need to eat their words because we have now been married for 15 years:)

Post # 12
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

*sigh* sorry I havent gone back through your other posts but i thank the ladies who have, which has clued me in a little! (Im sitting in bed with a headcold feeling sore and sorry 38 weeks pregnant!!)

anyway…the sigh should be here. Sorry to be judgemental but it sounds like your mum especially is being a bit manipulative and selfish…and obviously the more you’ve adhered to her wishes the more hold she has.

you’ve done all the “right” things in life with education and work, sounds like you’re level headed and your SO is well set up. What parent wouldn’t be happy knowing their little girl is going to be well looked after? Changing religion or moving from home doesn’t mean you’ve left the planet…

i personally say follow your heart and do what makes you happy. Your mum especially will just have to get used to the fact that you’re growing up :))

i wish you both all the very best (hugs)

Post # 13
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sunshinewish15:  If your familial relationships are important to you, I think you should all meet with a professional counsellor — one that you and your FI are happy with — to hash this out, and let everyone, and his concerns, be heard, in an environment where conflict can be avoided.  From there, you can decide what you think is best.

Post # 14
Hostess
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think you should push forward with your 2014 wedding plans and tell your parents they don’t need to contribute. It sounds like they’re trying to control you – with their money and their words. You’re trying to be nice but I think you need to put your foot down. It’s only going to get worse as you start planning your wedding. 

Post # 16
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sunshinewish15:  you’re very welcome. I too liked duncan’s suggestion but i have seen this happen where the parent/s have gone in sweet as pie and then made the child out to be the problem, and well, you keep on going back again thinking it’s to fix things to no avail, then you’ll have another person potentially telling you what you can or cant do….have a good think about that one.

my SO has a 20yo daughter and a 22yo son and theyve all become estranged thanks to their mother. Ive had to put my own feelings aside on them both being spoilt brats who at the best of times dont genuinely care for the sake of my SO, relevance here is that i have to keep telling him that they are growing up and are free to make their choices, and i have to keep telling them that in time dad will get over it and accept the way things are.

i think you should press on with your plans, make yourself happy, your mum will get over it, if not it’s her loss.

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