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Is their child coming to the wedding? If so did you think of having him/her as ring bearer or flower girl? Then Mom could assist the child in that chore. Also if the child is coming along, it will be easier for her to look after her child and not be in the bridal party, so she probably wont mind at all not to be a bridesmaid.
Maybe you could ensure that she is at the table placing closest to where her man is sitting at the bridal party, then they will still get to be close to each other and talk through out the night any way.
Also you could ask her to help by taking the guest book around to all the tables, this job is an important one as couples are very upset after the wedding if it didnt get passed on for all guests to leave a message during the celebration.
Also I think it is great to have only one attendant each, to be honest in all the weddings I have gone to, I can barely remember the attendants because all the attention is on the couple, as it should be, also with your number of guests that is a good sized bridal party, dont let guilt over other peoples opinions colour your perspective! It sounds like you made the best choice first go, stick with it!
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Something similar to my problem has been posted, but it's a different situation. FH and I are having a small wedding (less than 50 people) and a really small bridal party (MOH and best man). We live in Massachusetts right now, but we're moving to Milwaukee, and that's where the wedding will be. I've been to Milwaukee once, but FH's family all live there, so that's why we're moving.
I basically have one plug to Milwaukee, and that's FH's aunt, a relative by marriage not blood. She is a completely other post, but long story short, I've asked her to do a few things for me, ie, look at a park as a possible site for the wedding/reception.
Now this aunt seems to think that I'm going to regret not having a bigger bridal party. We don't have the money for it, and I don't have enough friends. This aunt thinks that I should ask my FSIL to be a bridesmaid. I don't know her at all though. I've met her once (the one time we were in Milwaukee) and we got along well enough, but we don't talk on the phone or anything like that. I would feel really awkward having her as one of my BMs.
The thing is, FH's BM is his brother, and he and FSIL aren't actually married. They have a kid together, and have been together for years, but never got married. If I included her, her hubby would walk down the aisle with her and my MOH, which would be awkward. FH wouldn't know who else to choose, because he's a veteran, he feels like if he included one person, but not others, he would hurt feelings and make resentments brew up.
How do I explain this to this FSIL without hurting her feelings? And how to I get this aunt to get off my case? It feels like she wants me to make the wedding how she wanted her wedding to be.
Argh I'm just so frustrated! Sorry this is so long, just needed to vent