(Closed) Dilemma with In-Laws and coming to visit

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9143 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It’s unreasonable for them to want your brother to move out for 2-3 weeks.  I would let them know that it is not an option.  They can chip in for a hotel for themselves or for your brother to stay at during the visit.

Post # 4
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@beachbride1216:  +1

Completely unreasonable for them to ask that of your brother. Have your FH talk to them about it.

Post # 5
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree with the other bees.  Your home will be your brother’s home as well.  No one has a right to tell him when he can/can not be living at his home.

Post # 6
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@rachiebabie:  Bottom line – they do not get to tell you who can and cannot be in YOUR home.  Not to mention its pretty f-ing insulting to imply that your brother is a child rapist/seducer that can’t be trusted to be around their teenaged daughter. 

Now, its possible there are some cultural considerations here I’m unaware of – I mean, is there some rule that an unmarried man can’t stay under the same roof as an unrelated, unmarried girl/woman?

Even if there is, then sorry, but that’s their problem to deal with. You invited your brother to live with you before they announced their visit.  They can either stay there with your brother or they can get a hotel – their choice. 

Post # 7
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It is very considerate of you to remove food items for them, and to make sure that the dog is staying somewhere else during their visit, but you absolutely have the right to draw the line when it comes to kicking out your brother.  He’s family – blood family – and he has just as much of a right to stay at your house as your in-laws do.  I agree with a previous poster’s comment that they could put him up in a hotel for the 2-3 weeks if they have such a problem with him.  Otherwise, tell them they are welcome to stay in a hotel as your brother was there first 🙂

Post # 8
Member
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with the PPs – you are being very accomodating (over-accomodating, actually).  I would make it clear that your brother is currently LIVING there, not VISITING, so it’s his home at the moment – they would be very rude to make someone leave their own home (FH might be the best to point this out, because he can actually tell them that it would be rude of them.)

They are going to be guests. If they want to stay with you, they have to accept all who live there – including your brother.  If they can’t do that, then they need to stay elsewhere (hotel).  When people go to visit friends or family, they don’t insist that some of the hosts go stay elsewhere, which is essentially what FH’s family is trying to do.

Post # 9
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Zhabeego:  All of this.

In fact, I’d probably talk to your FH about them getting a hotel room and not staying with you at all. I understand wanting to make them comfortable, but they are overstepping their boundaries by MILES.

Post # 10
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Definitely overstepping their boundaries. They have no right to dictate who is allowed to be in your home while they visit.

If it is so important to them that your brother not be there, suggest to them that if they don’t want him there, you expect them to put him up in luxury apartments for the duration of their visit so he can live as comfortably as he would typically while living with you.

If they don’t like that suggestion, tell them that they are welcome to reserve the luxury apartment/hotel for themselves, but you will not be throwing your brother out on the streets just because they don’t want him under the same roof as their teenage daughter.

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@rachiebabie:  

 

those inlaws of yours are rude.do not make your brother move out.if you do,you are setting the relationship up with them to think they can get their way every time they come to visit.trust me.i been with my FH for 20 years,i been through inlaw issues.

 

DO NOT MAKE YOUR BROTHER MOVE OUT…..i would make the dog stay in the room with your brother if it was friendly.i wouldnt even make the dog leave.

 

i would not turn my house inside out to please them or remove things.this is you and your FH life style,do not hide it,its not right.either they accept you and Fi as you are or they dont visit or they can stay in a hotel.

 

but how dare they tell yous not to have your brother move in till they leave,i would tell them to go to a hotel and when my brother gets back on my feet and moves out MAYBE yous can stay at our home.

 

 

 

im sorry if i sound rude,maybe i am,but so are your inlaws,im glad they are not gonna be my inlaws because i would have been very upset had they asked something so ignorant,and i would have FH tell them my brother is staying that they are welcomed here but they could also get a hotel if it makes them uncomfortable.

and why take things out of your home?cant you put things in a certain cabinet or closet so they dont have to see it.idk,i wouldnt remove anything if it were me,because i would feel they were disrespecting me,who i am but me having to remove things for their benifit.to me respect goes both ways.two familes comming together who belive in different things need to respect each other for who they are and how each culture lives,not hide it.

i would rethink how you go about pleasing them,they are gonna be in your life a long time,you shouldnt have to change who you are when they come to visit,what will you do when you have children and they stay with you for 2 months,be unhappy living their way,hiding food ect?

Post # 12
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@rachiebabie:  

also did they ask if they could come for a visit and stay with you,or just tell you they are comming?did they give you notice?

just wondering 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

@rachiebabie:  Yeah, I agree with all PPs – she is being very unreasonable, and it seems like they’re taking advantage of you a bit. I understand that culturally their family dynamic might be different (the oldest son taking responsibility financially for his little brothers whilst they stay with him, for instance), but I really think they are just taking it for granted that you will shut up and take it.

 

I will be interested to see how this turns out.

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