Post # 1
Hi all, I’m new here, and recently engaged after being with my now fiancé for 5 years. (So excited!)
the problem I have is with my engagement ring. My fiancé with the help of his mother, gave me a family heirloom from his side of the family for my engagement ring. While I feel honored to receive a family heirloom and to be entrusted with this, I have had one thing I’ve wanted since I began to think of possibly being engaged. Back in 2012 my mother passed away and I inherited a one carat diamond that I always hoped and assumed I’d have as my stone in my engagement ring. This came up once with fiancé, back in January, but he shrugged me off saying ring was something it was his job to select. Now that we are engaged, something I’ve wanted for so long, I find my happiness is somewhat stifled by slight (well more than slight) disappointment that this diamond was not used.
I’m trying to decide if it’s worth mentioning my concern to him. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but it’s something important to me as silly as it sounds. I thought about suggesting that I wear his until we get married and then I set the diamond of my mom in a plain setting to go with my wedding band since the shape of his heirloom ring would not be easily worn with a band. Thoughts? Am I being stupid? I don’t want to cause a fight if I’m really out of line…
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2015 - City Hall!
That’s hard. While I understand where you are coming from, I also see where he is. Why don’t you set it in a necklace?
Post # 3
Could you have your mum’s diamond set as a different piece of jewellery? E.g. as a necklace to wear on the day or a rhr?
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2015 - Leicester, UK
Lotus0314: could you get your Mom’s diamond set into your wedding band? I’m doing that with a diamond that’s special to me..although mine is 0.1ct and yours is 1ct so maybe it’s too big?
Post # 5
I think I would go with setting it into a necklace or a RHR like cpick said. I can see why you’re bothered by this, and I think it would have been nice for your FI to have taken it into account, but it’s also meaningful to have an heirloom from his side of the family.
Post # 6
I agree that a necklace or a right hand ring might work. The ring could include birthstones from your family members to be more of a family ring
Post # 7
- Wedding: December 2014 - Temple Beth Am/Love is Blind
If you can make it work as a wedding band, I think that would be perfect. I understand where you’re coming from and it isn’t silly or stupid, I am certain you can find a compromise that you are both happy with.
Post # 8
Lotus0314: I think if I were your place, I would say something. I’m very sorry that your mom passed away and I can only imagine how special her stone is to you. While I agree with others that your fiance’s heirloom is also very special, I just think your mom’s stone is a whole different category. Does your fiance know how important your mom’s diamond is to you? It’s a little surprising that he didn’t propose to you with it. Anyway, here are a few suggestions. Could you possibly have your mom’s diamond set into your fiance’s heirloom setting? Or, could the heirloom ring be used as a band? If that doesn’t work, could you use a different heirloom ring (if there are any) as a band and your mom’s as an engagement ring?
Either way, it’s a tough situation and I think you are being very gracious about it.
Post # 9
Hi again all, I guess most of you are suggesting I suck it up and use moms diamond for some thing else. I’m not a hundred percent sure he would be upset if I brought up the issue of wanting the diamond to have been used, as his mom did most of the leg work in getting/picking the heirloom (she got it polished and then mailed it to him and she sent him a picture of it to see if he liked it, as he explained to me) she thought I would like the look of the twists on it, but it seems like she really did most of the picking. She told me if I wanted to do something else we could, but I just still don’t know. Here is a pic of the heirloom. Mike, my fiancé, was unsure who it originally belonged to, but his mom seemed to suggest great grandmother (who had a great relationship from what I’m told)..
Post # 10
Lotus0314: That’s a beautiful ring! I love vintage and antiques. I would set mom’s diamond and wear it as an alternate or as a right hand ring (RHR). There’s nothing wrong with having 2 rings to wear if you’ve got ’em!! I think you should impress upon your FI the significance and importance of your mother’s stone until he understands what it means to you.
Post # 11
I would probably tell him that it means so much to to you to have your mom’s stone. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t be willing to give you something that means so much to you.
Post # 12
This is a sensitive situation. I think what I probably would do is to have your mother’s diamond set into a setting that looks like an engagement ring, and then you can choose which ring to wear with your wedding band and which to wear as an RHR.
Post # 13
Lotus0314: I would probably keep that ring as your engagement ring and maybe wear your mom’s diamond in a simple setting on your right hand. Each ring has it’s own special meaning and value, I say wear 2 special rings!
Post # 14
Lotus0314: Gorgeous ring! I think if you really want your mom’s diamond set in a ring, that your current ring would make a very nice right hand ring which would allow you to use your mom’s diamond as your ering…although its possible his mom may want the ring back if you go with using your mom’s stone. I think you have a good reason to want a different ring, and its obviously an emotional one involving your mom, so I don’t think it would be obnoxious to bring it up.
Post # 15
So hard to decide what to do! I don’t want him to be offended if I do mention it. finding the tact to say something gracefully and in the right timing is tough- I think I need to at least mention it or else what if I build up more upset and even some resentment? Honesty is the best policy right? I think I want to explain how I feel and say if he would be offended or very hurt, by all means I will keep this ring and wear it with pride, I just think I need to at least take the chance to get what I’ve wanted. I don’t ask for much, never asked for or received a gift for holidays or birthdays, and I always thought the engagement ring would be my one prized possession because I’d have my moms diamond and a setting he chose. Maybe my expectations were too high but again, I feel I need to communicate this….