Post # 1
I don’t post too often here (married for 10 months now), but I wanted to vent about single friends who just don’t seem to “get” the whole marriage thing…
My maid-of-honor (best friend) invited me to a dinner party. It is a “progressive” dinner, where she and two other friends each host one course at their respective apartments. I rsvped “yes” and told my husband to put it on his calendar.
Then, while Gchatting the other day, I asked my friend “Is there anything that we can bring?” and when she tried to clarify what exactly I meant by “we”, well, it quickly became apparent that my husband was NOT invited.
My husband and I have busy work schedules, and our weekend time is very precious to us. Had I known that I was sacrificing an entire Saturday night with my husband, I wouldn’t have rsvped yes to this thing.
But seriously, am I just too old-fashioned, or is it seriously a faux pas to NOT invite one’s spouse to a dinner party? Girls’ nights are one thing (and we have plenty of those, to be sure), but this is not a girls’ night.
Stuff like this just makes me think that my single friends don’t really understand the whole marriage thing at all. Has anyone else had similar issues with their post-marriage friendships? I love my friends, but I just wish they were a little bit more understanding about how our friendships need to evolve to fit into my current (married) lifestyle.
Post # 3
You’re right to be upset… you are a social unit, and should be treated as such. I would decline invitations if my SO weren’t invited 🙁
Post # 4
I’m with you. Girls’ nights are understandable. Otherwise, though, I think spouses should be seen as social units.
My best friend is almost the exact same way. It honestly hurts my feelings a little bit that she hasn’t really made any adjustments to the fact that I’m now married.
Post # 5
Are SO’s in general not invited? Is it a group of all single people? I can’t imagine telling DH that I was going to a party (not a girls night) and he wasn’t invited. I’m sure he wouldn’t CARE, but it’s just so rude! If there are men and women going to the party, I wonder what the possible reason for purposly excluding a spouse would be??
Post # 6
If there are other husbands or significant others there, that is very rude.
Post # 7
@MRSLMA: Each host (of the three courses) was only permitted to invite 3 friends. So I understand why she didn’t want to use 2/3 of her invites on us. But I would have just preferred that she chose 3 single friends to invite in this case. Or, at least, she should have specified (earlier) that my husband was not invited (then I could have politely declined).
Post # 8
That is definitely rude on your friends’ parts. Unless it was a girls night (which your said it isn’t), spouses should absolutely be invited as a social unit.
Post # 9
I think you should just turn it down that simple. I think it sounds like a cool party and not something that she was purposely not inviting your husband too. I would go to something like that without Fi.
Post # 10
You are not being unreasonable or old-fashioned. Married couples are social units and have to be invited together to mixed-sex social events.
Post # 11
@MBSyal: I have been to parties like this before and it IS usually all women. When the next event happens another set of the women host the party. I don’t thik its rude, women have these parties often. I doubt that men will be present. Usually if men are present its more of a couples event. Relax and go to the party, its not a big deal.
Post # 12
If it’s not a girls night then I think it’s weird he wasn’t invited…however, if he’s going to be the only guy, I would tell him not to come and save him from a night that, ultimately, he likely won’t enjoy much (at least my FI wouldn’t)
Post # 13
If other spouses are invited then yes I think its rude that your husband is not invited. I recently experienced something similar and was not happy about it
Post # 14
If it was a girls only night, she should have made that clear when she extended the invitation. It’s not rude to have a girls only dinner party, even on a weekend night. It became rude when she didn’t inform you prior to your accepting the invitation.
Post # 16
@Miss Orchard: Exactly, thats why I don’t think men would be there. Most men would be pissed to travel from house to house to eat parts of a meal. If men will be present, I doubt it that they would enjoy talking about recipes and who cooked what blah blah blah.