(Closed) Disagreement on Ceremony/Reception Location (sorry kinda long!)

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Well, the way I see it, you have three different options:

1. Have the wedding in his hometown

2. Have the wedding in yours

3. Pick a place inbetween or somewhere else neutral (Destination wedding?)

Honestly, if it was that serious, I’d probably do something totally not serious and coin-flip or something for it, because then it is entirely left up to chance.

Otherwise, I guess you should talk it out and point out the idea of tradition (especially if your parents would be paying–they get a major say!). And honestly, 45 minutes is not that far if you were to split it up–it takes me 45 minutes to an hour to drive from my parents house to my fiance’s parents house, and we live exactly 12.5 miles away.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think having it somewhere in between would be fair.  Obviously, if one family has to travel for the wedding, you can always block hotel rooms so that they have a place to stay at a discounted rate.  If you chose someplace in between, then both families would have to travel.  In all honesty, I think it would be better to have it somewhere in between or in your hometown rather than his.  My sister had her wedding in her husband’s hometown, and my parents’ feelings were pretty hurt.  Not all the family on our side was able to attend, but my parents still went with tradition and paid for everything.  I think it hurt my mom’s feelings the most because she didn’t feel as involved.  That’s just from personal experience and I don’t know if your parents would react the same way.  I just wanted to let you know about one of the possible consequences.

Post # 6
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

Why don’t you have it somewhere where everybody has to travel. Not just somewhere between the two cities y’all are from. Like the beach or the mountains?

I also would wait until you were truly engaged to start this fight. It’s a little cart before the horse, since you have no idea when you’ll be getting married and if either church would be available even. 

Post # 7
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

What about going for cheaper? I’m from South Dakota too, Sioux Falls to be exact but because of costs we are getting married in my fiance’s hometown.  That means that all my family will be traveling and the town only has 30 rooms available in the whole town but it was something extremely important to him and it saved us cost to $20,000.  I don’t know what part of South Dakota you’re from but maybe looking at the money aspect of it, as tacky as that sounds, it might be easier to come to a decision.

Post # 8
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am not usually super traditional, but in this situation, I am. I think parents often think fondly about the day that they will give their daughter a wedding, and for your parents, it seems like you have a church that is meaningful to your family, and so that gives it that much more meaning. While your FI may have always wanted to get married in his church, I doubt his parents ever thought about it, since it isn’t traditional. 

Honestly, I think your FI is being a little bit selfish. While I see where is coming from, I think he needs to look at this not just as a decision between you and him, but a matter of family dynamics and of cultural traditions. I think it would be the respectful thing for him to do to recognize that and gracefully let this be a day for your family to throw you the wedding they have dreamed of.

Post # 9
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m probably biased but if you can fit your guests into your hometown church then I would insist on getting married at home.  It’s tradition (if that helps your case!) and you will be attending church in FI’s hometown from now on.

We’re getting married in my hometown in CT (he’s from Ireland) and we’re going to be living in Ireland but to be honest there wasn’t even a remote question in my mind of where we’d get married – I always knew it would be in my hometown in the church I grew up attending.

I hope you’re successful in finding a compromise (and I hope you get to have the wedding in your church if that’s what you want!)  ;o)

Post # 11
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Please do! That’s a big, big issue! Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

@futureb: Wow, I had a similar experience. My ex-fiance’s family strongly insisited on wedding in their church(catholic) cos they have so much disdain for that of my family(anglican). Even though my fiance and I had talked about it, he eventually chickened out and gave in to pressure from his family. I had agreed to go with him wholeheartedly after the wedding to his church and do all it takes to be validated in their eyes, but they still wanted to rob me of my special day and the last respect you give to the father of the bride. The conflict escalated to the point that his family members were hostile to me, and I had to walk out of the relationship. I have no regrets about my decision. If you cannot respect someone’s heritage then dont expect them to embrace yours. I saved myself a lifetime of resentment and unhappiness with inlaws. Relationships are about giving and taking, not giving, giving, giving or taking, taking taking.

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