- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I’ll premise this by providing a bit of information: I have always been terrified of marriage, I was not raised in a religious home, and I never really believed that marriage was necessary. Its not like I refused to get married, but it just was never a big deal to me like it is to many other girls and I never cared/gave it thought that I would ever get married. Well, when FI and began to get serious when we were dating, we started talking about weddings and marriage, etc, because he knew my opinion and he wanted to get married. He was raised very religious and believes that marriage is necessary and very important. I love him very much and after much thought and after many discussions with FI, I told him that I would get married because I know that I love him and I’m confident that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, so why not marry him. That was my compromise to him because it was so important to him. I’m excited to marry him and I look forward to building our lives together. However, this is where the issues begin.
I have never in my life dreamed of a big wedding, or even a wedding. I never looked forward to dress shopping, picking out a cake, blah blah blah, whatever. I do not WANT a wedding, so it is hard for me to do the whole ‘wedding’ thing. Because i don’t want a wedding, I asked if we could model the wedding my best friend is having (destination on their favorite beach, with just immediate family and the people you wouldnt get married without them being there kind of deal, come back and have a party-style celebration). Well, I thought FI was on board with me until he decided he wanted to have a few more people there at the wedding. Okay. I compromised (again) thinking it would be okay, he will still respect that I don’t want a big wedding.
Now the list was up to 35 people (i know, i know, thats NOT big, but keep reading). We decided okay, we will have a wedding then take everyone out to dinner that night at our favorite restaurant. I called the restaurant and planned all of this, then the planned changed again because he changed his mind on the guestist, again. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking…we only have an 8 month engagement.
Next phase, FI had a conversation with his Dad and decided that not enough of his Dad’s side was invited, so FI wants to extend to aunts/uncles/cousins. Oh, God. My family is TINY, like, tiny. We haven’t been in this country very long and haven’t exactly extended our family and the family that I do have is scattered all over the contiguous US. FI’s family is massive and almost all live within 40 minutes of each other. So now I’m getting intimidated and am telling him that there will be no one for me. I kept telling him how this is not what I want and that I’m not comfortable with this AT ALL. He tries to calm me by telling me that it will be okay, we will make it work, etc. So he decided lets invite your friends….but wait, if you invite your friends, we have to invite mine. And we should probably invite our church, too. OMFG at this point.
So now, our guestlist went from tiny destination wedding to almost 120. I know that I’m not alone in this. But this is not in any way what I want. I’m so uncomfortable and I have honestly no desire to continue planning this wedding together – i’m over it! This isn’t how I should be feeling. Its not that I am suddenly frustrated with planning and want to give up and elope. I wanted to elope from the beginning. I kept compromising everything because FI told me it would be okay and he loves me, etc. YES, I know that it will be okay, i KNOW that you love me, but I dont feel like you respect me at all at this point. And yes, I tell him all of this.
Here we are now:
Under six months to the wedding and I have no dress because I just don’t care anymore and am not excited about shopping. I feel helpless. When I tell FI that I want to elope, or want to change the plans, he either tells me “okay, i love you hun, we will talk about it tonight when I call” and we never talk about it. Or he says “really, you’re bringing it up again, i thought we agreed on our plans” or “this isn’t a good time”
Time is SERIOUSLY running out and Im so frustrated and its starting to affect how I feel about FI. Does he honestly respect me? I don’t think we have lack of communication and I have no qualms about telling him how I feel. We both have been very candid during the planning process. I just always end up compromising and I feel like this is all my fault, now i’m miserable. FI and I are long-distance and don’t see each other often which makes it even more difficult because the little time I get to talk to him we don’t want to do it arguing over wedding plans. We have such a happy relationship and this is killing me. I don’t think its affecting him because so far, he is getting everything he wants, sans a happy Mrs.
Did I mention that we already ‘sent out’ save the dates via a group on facebook? I am SO sorry that this post is so long…and rambly. I just don’t know what to do.
I need to breathe.