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I feel so weird posting this here because everyone is always so positive about everything related to weddings and their fiance, I'm not sure how this will go over. But although I am completely in love with my fiance and can't wait to marry him, I am very disappointed by the proposal. I really want to put my negative feelings behind me and get over it, but I don't know how. So I'm wondering if anyone has been through anything similar and how they handled it.
I can't get over how little thought my fiance put into the proposal and the selection of the ring. He proposed to me in front of his whole family at their house, and he knows I am not comfortable around them. I completely censored my reaction because I was so self-conscious of having them there. He didn't prepare anything sweet to say about our relationship or why he wanted to marry me. I'm so sad that such a monumental moment in my life was completely not what I wanted, and I can't go back and fix it. How do you deal with the proposal not living up to your expectations?
He chose the ring without so much as a thought to what I like (in fact he had an engagement ring picked out for his future wife before he even met me). The band is very masculine and wide with sharp edges, and I'm a girly girl and I love feminine, dainty jewelry. The diamond is huge because he likes people's reaction to be "wow, it's so huge!" (And this is EVERYONE's reaction.) I am absolutely mortified by this reaction and don't know how to handle it. I just blush beet red, change the subject and flip the diamond setting in toward my palm.
What I want to do is take the ring to a jeweller and have the band melted down and shaped into something I like. I can keep the stone but I just can't stand the band. But despite my disappointment, I just can't stomach the thought of hurting my fiance's feelings by telling him I don't like the ring he picked out. I don't know how to talk to him about this without ruining the proposal for him too.
Should I just let it go and wear a ring I dislike for the rest of my life? Do these feelings fade over time? Or should I ask him if he would mind if I had the band redone? Any opinions are welcome, even if that opinion is "get over it, you selfish brat." If that's the general consensus then I'll know I'm being a bit childish about this.
Hmm. Your fiancee's language of love is different from yours, that's for sure! Put in another way, are you maybe a little too focused on the package and not the contents? Were you maybe so intent on getting a blue box that you are refusing to appreciate the red box he gave you?
I don't think you should push your feelings aside. I would feel the exact same way. It doesn't sound like you are focused on the package, it sounds like you just wish that he had put some thought into what you wanted. You have to wear it for the rest of your life so I think you should get something that you will be happy with. Your idea sounds good because you are still using the original band that he bought for you but now it can be a mixture of the two of your tastes.
When my sister got engaged she didn't like the ring and the two of them went shopping together to exchange for a new one. I feel that he should want you to have something that you want too. You should really talk to him about it.
Personally - I think you have every right to be disappointed. And I don't think it's wrong of you to ask your fiance to change the ring.
It doesn't sound he was overly concerned with what you wanted and your feelings when he picked out a large stone, masculine setting, and proposed in front of his family. He bought the ring before he met you, for Pete's sake!
Smartl, the first thing to note is that your feelings are valid. Also note, his feelings are valid as well: the fact that he picked out an engagment band long before he met you is something that may mean something special to him. His family is probably special to him also and perhaps he wanted them to be a part of the proposal. Neither one of you are "wrong" or "right." You simply have two different expectations and a clash is occuring because those expectationsdo not line up. This is probably because the expectations (or the importance of those expectations) were not communicated to one another.
If you bring the matter up to him, yes, he probably will be surprised and a bit hurt. But if you do not, you may end up resentful. Either way, I think it's more important to start the marriage off honestly. There will be plenty more times that the two of you will have to address touchy topics so why not practice here? At the very least, tell him how you feel without expectations of what the conclusion will be or whether you will change your ring or not, simply to start an open dialogue.
The important thing to remember is that although you may not feel that he put thought into the proposal or the band is not what you expected, his intentions were not insincere. you are marrying this man so you know that he loves you. with this in mind, trust that he always has your best interest on his heart, even if he doesn't communicate some things in a way that you can appreciate. Remembering that he really *is* thinking of your best interest in mind, when (or if) you bring the topic up to him, i'm sure the converstation will be much more amicable.
Wow...this is a really tough one. It's so hard to tell someone that while you love them, you pretty much hate something they did that they *thought* was so perfect and nice. Makes you feel all twisty inside.
It sounds like it's not so much the ring itself that bugs you (though there are clearly elements of it that do, but even those sound like what they represent, rather than their actual existence, if that makes sense; e.g., a big diamond is about him showing off, not about whether you wanted an iceberg) but what the thought (of lack thereof) behind it represents.
I think it's pretty clear that what upsets you most is that your FI took this momentous "us" occasion and made it more about him, and didn't consider you. (Sometimes I do think that when we're happy and excited about something ourselves, we forget about others, and think they'll just automatically feel the same way, so that may be what's happened here on his side.) Did you ever talk about what you might like in a ring *before* the proposal?
I feel bad for how bad you feel...and I don't know if I really have any helpful advice. I feel like you should say something, otherwise it will fester and erupt at some point later, and come out wrong. (That's happened to me.) But, I don't know how you ought to bring it up with your FI. Maybe, "I really love you, and I love us together, and I'm so happy that you made the effort to pick this ring, but I feel like it doesn't really represent me or us; could we talk about creating something from it that is more of a creation together?" Also, maybe a simple statement that you feel you can't wear the ring because it's physically uncomfortable (sharp edges, heavy weight), and you would rather create something together that you could wear everyday.
Good luck!
I was at first a little disappointed about my proposal over 5 years ago. Looking back though, it really wasn't that bad and I think now that he probably did put a lot more effort in to it than I originally thought.
I would say, yes, these feelings probably do fade over time, as they have for me - I'm not so disappointed anymore, and what was once a sore subject for me I've looked out with a different pair of eyes - we were young, he probably didn't understand what I wanted or why I wanted such a big deal, etc.
I picked out my ring and later regretted my setting (and honestly, the stone I selected, too). I picked out a fairly large heart-shaped diamond with a cathedral setting. While people commented that my stone was huge, I realized later that I just didn't love the heart as much as I had originally thought. I was pretty determined not to change, though, because this is the stone he proposed with and I guess it kind of had sentimental value. I hated the setting though, and wasn't so attached to that, so I set out to find the perfect setting for the stone...it is pretty hard to come by when you have a heart-shaped diamond.
Finally, we decided to have a custom piece made using my great-grandmothers' wedding bands. Maybe this is something you could do - you get a chance to put some of your family into your ring and wedding band, you get to design something you like, and you get to keep your stone. You hopefully also get to spare your fiance's feelings - maybe he will appreciate creating something like this together and you can use pieces of his family and your family's jewels to make something that suits you both.
Sorry for the long story. I just can sympathize with you and wanted to tell you that there are happy endings!
Good luck!
I say choose your battles. The ring will be a permanent and visible thorn in your side. I agree with proncesskittyHI - talk to your fiance about a new ring, but focus on the comfort of the band and re-use the stone if at all possible. But I would try to refrain from telling him that his proposal was not what you were hoping for. There's no way for him to go back and "fix" it and it will only make him feel terrible. Instead, try to emphasize another special pre-wedding moment that you can plan together, such as an engagement party or rehearsal dinner. Maybe you could tell him that it would mean the world to you if he could give a toast about your relationship at one of those events? That way you can get to hear the words that were missing from his proposal, and have that as your special engagment memory.
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I've seen your ring, and although it looks like a beautiful ring (and a mighty sizable rock - especially considering the distance that the picture was taken!) - if it isn't you, I would totally try to change it to make it you…perhaps you could even use the same gold and of course stone, so the sentimentality is still there…
It terms of bringing up this subject with your fiancé - I probably couldn't just out right tell mine that I didn't like something he gave me…although I have hinted at such things before. I would perhaps focus on finding a wedding band that you love and that it is your style…once you find one you love, bring your fiancé along to show him and tell him how much you love the ring he gave you and were thinking of making some changes to it so it suited your wedding band more. If he seems hurt - try to make it like it is no big deal and that other Bride's do this all the time… I think sometimes we make things bigger in our head then they are in reality and the reality ends up following suit…KWIM?
It terms of the actual proposal…I'm not too sure what to say about that one…perhaps that was how he always envisioned proposing to you and he was too nervous to say all those sweet things at the time. Cheer up! You still have a beautiful ring and are engaged to the man you love!
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I dont think it would hurt your fiancee's feelings to get your setting changed as long as you have a heart to heart about it first! Dont go off and change it one day as a surprise, but express your gratitude to him about how much you appreciated the gesture, but would love to have your "dream" engagement ring, and see how he feels about that. It seems pretty common practice nowadays to get your setting changed, some jewellers even sell "plain" setting bands so that after your surprise engagement, couples can come in together and choose the setting that both the girl and the guy like best. My fiancee immediately told me that he really loved the setting he picked out for me but if i wanted to change it, it would be no problem. I think most guys would agree, unless it was a really sentimental setting (family) or one that he helped design himself.
As for the proposal, its just one of those things in life that you may just have to think of with fond memories, rather than dwell upon it. A marraige proposal is such a personal thing and I bet your fiancee was really nervous about the whole event, and thought his family could help him by being there this exciting time in his life. You can now focus on the wedding of your dreams...
get excited girl! youre getting married!
Oh don't worry Cathleya, I am excited that I'm getting married :) Most of the time I don't think about these things, after all we've been engaged already for 9 months. But whenever I do look back on the proposal and think about my ring, these negative feelings do come up. I have tried to just suppress them but that is clearly not working so I thought I'd get some opinions on how to go forward.
Thank you *so* much to all of you for your advice and opinions. It is really a comfort, Miss Eggplant especially your words were the best advice I've heard so far. I agree that I can't tell him the proposal was disappointing. Snmcdowell, I LOVE your suggestion though about asking him to say a few words about our relationship at our rehearsal dinner. It hadn't even occurred to me but I really think that would go a long way to making sure I have one of the memories I so wanted. I always had it in my head that it would be part of the proposal, but there's really no reason why it can't be part of the rehearsal dinner instead. He's really comfortable in front of a crowd too so I'm sure he'll be happy to do it.
HamiHarri - you're right about asking to change the ring by saying that I want it to suit my engagement band better. That is the perfect gentle way to bring it up because I've mentioned many times to him that I want to wear my e-ring and wedding ring together, but I feel like the e-ring band is so wide that it would be too much metal on one hand if I added another ring to it.
I don't know if this makes you feel any better, but when my parents got engaged a long, long time ago, my dad didn't do anything special. They were in a park playing frisbee, and he said, "hey, you want to get married?" They had only been dating a couple of months and it was completely spur of the moment and he didn't get her a ring until they got married (it was her wedding band). Right after I got engaged, my dad told me about it, and he said that he felt bad that he hadn't done more to make it special for her.
I was telling a friend of mine about it, and she told me that her dad proposed to her mom while they were watching tv. No ring, either! Geesh! Those silly guys! 
I don't think you should feel bad about being bummed out about it. I would be too. It sounds like you have been very gracious about it and have spared his feelings. I like some of the other suggestions people gave about having the band reset. I think that's a great idea and there are ways you could suggest it without hurting his feelings.
I know you are wanting to have that special moment of him telling you why you are "the one" for him. I like the suggestions the other posters gave of having him give a toast sometime. If you think that would be too "forced" or it isn't something he would feel comfortable with, maybe you guys could just write each other letters to exchange the morning before your wedding. My husband and I did that, and I still have mine and read it often. To be honest. I don't even remember most of the things he said when he proposed, but I will always have the letters we exchanged on our wedding day.
Good luck! :)
If it makes you feel any better my guy proposed over 2 King Cobra 40 ozs. just as "Rambo 2 First Blood"started on the screen at our local campy movie night. He looked over at me and said, Rebecca will you marry me? I said yes, we kissed and then watched the carnage. Oh and my nieces and nephews helped him win a ring with Skeeball tickets the next week.
I, too had a disappointing proposal. While I knew a proposal was in the works, I thought it would at least happen after a nice dinner or somewhere with beautiful scenery. Instead, he told me he had to work late one night, when he was actually going to pick up the ring. I was just sitting in front of the tv when he came home and called for me to come downstairs. He didn't even take his coat or shoes off. Then, there in the kitchen, he whipped out the ring and proposed - no speech, nothing. This all happened literally within five minutes of him walking through the door. There I was, in a tshirt and boxers, with the sound of commercials blasting from the TV in the other room. Of course I was in shock, not so much of the fact that he was proposing, but more the way he did it. Sometimes I still have bitter memories about what was supposed to be one of the most memorable moments of my life, but what can I do. It is what it is.
Yeah, I really bet that he thought a ton about it and really planned it out and it just didn't fit your expectations and hopes for your proposal. Of course it's ok to be disappointed. I think it's even ok, if not potentially a wonderful opportunity to talk to him about it and tell him how you feel and even more importantly tell him what would make you happy--your delivery really matters though, so be gentle if you do. As for the ring it self--eh, go get the one you want. I don't think he'd mind. Again, the delivery here will make or break how this goes.
I guess, I just worry that you have this idea of what your engagement, wedding, life should be like and if they're not met you will always be disappointed. He has his ideas too and I believe (fwiw) that a successful marriage requires a bit of open mindedness on both people's parts to appreciate the other's ideas of how things should be.
I can give you an example from my own life. My fiance isn't even my fiance yet. We're getting married in two months yet I haven't been proposed to yet. There was a time about 6 months ago where I thought I could not wait anymore for the proposal. I had these expectations for what that time in our life should be like and they weren't being met and I was bummed about it. We knew when we wanted to get married and we started planning things and I just figured, ok, any day now. Well, days turned into weeks. I felt antsy. Maybe by the 4th of July? Nope. I don't know why but one morning I just woke up and laughed. Heh. This is just FI. He is just goofy that way and I know him and he wants it to be special and to do it when he's ready. Now we have a funny story to tell people. We joke that we're getting engaged the day after the wedding.
Think about it. If you talk to him and tell him what you want and accept what happens this is how things could play out. And this isn't so bad! You can tell your kids the funny story of how daddy thought he'd be all romantic and propose in front of his family which only totally mortified you and then he pulled out a ring that looked like it was made for him! Isn't daddy funny?! So, I gently told daddy that I would like a ring made for me and he laughed and off we went to fix it and then the night before our wedding he took me aside and gave me the new ring and reproposed to me all by ourselves and it was so romantic and today I love daddy more than ever.
Smartl: I shared your story with Mr. Petunia in order to get a man's opinion (I hope this was okay!); he feels that, about the proposal, there's not much to do. In fact, he said that perhaps, although you may have felt disappointed with it, it may have actually been a big deal for him to propose to you in front of family.
He does feel however that you should be honest about your feelings over the ring. You are the one who will be wearing the ring for the rest of your life and although, of course, he cannot guarantee what your fiance's response will be, he does not, as a guy, think that your fiance will be mortified at your telling him how you honestly feel.
Perhaps it could be something that you two do together as a couple, coming up with something you both love, and as maverika said, turn into a beautiful story of the ring that "was" and the ring that "became"?
Hope that helps!
it looks like you've received very helpful advice already. i agree with most of the comments here as well. Mr. Violet and I have been together for 8+ years and in the beginning he wasn't always great at choosing what I liked. Instead of telling him, that I hated it, I'd try to steer him towards the right direction the next time around.. I think that you liking your ring is really important. If you communicate it in a sincere, honest and gentle manner i'm sure he'll understand. Good luck!
As for the proposal, Im sure it was difficult enough for him to do it. He may have been careless, and not considered your wants, but I'm sure he was very sincere and wanted it to be perfect for you.
I have to admit that my own proposal was a little less then I'd expected... while being more at the same time. I didn't have a ring or anything, in fact he asked me just as I was turning out the lights to go to bed, I'm already half asleep I answer "Of course I do" and go to bed without thinking about it. I get to work the next day and think "Now wait a second...." My fiance told me very early on in our relationship that he didn't believe in marriage for various reasons - we had a serious discussion about it and I kept with him well aware that a wedding could possibly never be in my future.
Of all the awkward conversations there is.... I think the one trying to figure out if my fiance actually -meant- to propose to me was the worst, although it does make for a funny story now. I try and not look at it as a lack of a beautiful engagement but more to the fact that my fiance came around to the idea of marriage because of me - and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
I think you will have to come to terms with the type of engagement you had on your own - mentioning it to him is probably not a good idea. I do like the idea of having him say something at the rehearsal dinner - and if you are allowed maybe even write your own vows?
As for changing the ring you definitely need to talk it over with him. Discussing it in a way where you mention you want it to match your wedding band and being gentle about it is the best solution. Maybe you can work together to come up with a custom setting to melt the original down into? Something that echoes the both of you.
just be glad your proposal wasn't as uneventful as mine was... my darling boy simply passed me the ring box (unopened) and said "You should probably wear this."
Wow!
I'm actually suprised and glad that I wasn't the only one in this boat.
I'm not sure if this is the place to post up my engagement story, but here goes. My fiance (now hubby) and I had been together for 5 years prior to the engagement. He had planned on doing it the weekend before, but my stupid (now ex) best friend botched up those plans. She knew my hubby was going to propose, but made plans with me. During that same weekend, my hubby came home and I saw a ring shaped box bulging from his pocket. I knew immediately what that was since we had been talking about marriage. Mind you, he knows for a fact that I love suprises and still came home with the engagement ring box in plain view. *sigh*
We both love cooking so the next weekend he made me a fancy dinner "out of the blue". "Out of the blue" is in quotation marks because I already knew what he was planning. After dinner he took me in his arms and said that he loved me a lot and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Then he asked if I would marry him. All the while I knew this was going to happen so I was disappointed about not being suprised. I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong for wanting more, but it would have been nice to go somewhere other than home to propose to me. He later explained that my ex best friend had botched his plans to take me to a nice restaurant and then propose.
In retrospect, I should have bluntly told him that I wanted to be suprised when he proposed and I regret that to this day.
To answer your question, I don't think you're wrong for feeling bad about the way he proposed. It's a once in a lifetime dealio and you wanted it done right.
I didn't have the most romantic proposal either. In fact I knew when he was going to pick up the ring, since I designed it with my jeweler (which means I love it). Anyway, when he came back, he proposed in the living room in front of my mom, brother and sister. It wasn't bad, it just wasn't great. I guess I just always expected some huge surprise and lots of tears and stuff like that. And yeah, I was a little disappointed at first. But as the days passed, I realized that the proposal doesn't matter. What matters is the person that proposed. 
I think your feelings on the matter will definitely fade.
I feel you. There are somedays when I am still disappointed how the whole "proposal" went down, but most days I smile and just recognize that is just my man. He literally nudged me as we were sitting at a bar and said "I guess its about time to throw a party". No ring (still no ring, although we are having it made), no fanfare, no one knee, nothing.
A girl from work got engaged the same weekend and her proposal was story book, champagne, one knee, tiffany diamond, the whole deal. I couldn't help but feel silly in comparison. But, thats my guy! His mom told me later that his dad proposed to her in almost the exact same way!
He has said that when we get the ring, he is going to ask me proper, but at this point, it isn't necessary for me. We are so involved with planning the wedding and we are engaged, even if he didn't really ask me and it wasn't a jewelry commercial moment.
I am lucky that we went and found a designer to make my ring together. I am certain he would have done a great job on his own, but as the "proposal" was a spur of the moment (after 4 years) situation, he wanted me to be involved. I would speak up about the ring, it is you, not him that is wearing it! Good luck!
I have been happily married for one year now, but when I think back to my own proposal, I am still a little disappointed. When people ask me how my husband proposed, I usually leave out certain details and make it sound nicer than it really was. To this day the strongest memory about the event is the smell of beer (and to me this is very gross b/c I don't drink beer) on the rooftop where he proposed, and the people who were leaving as he got ready to propose. The ring was a "promise ring" since he didn't have enough money for a proper engagement ring at the time. Even when I got the true e-ring, I ended up paying for it on my own credit card, b/c he forgot his, and he had to pay me back. Oh, and I had to pick it up myself, b/c he was on a business trip!
Still I love my husband dearly, and I know that he was very nervous and so happy I said yes. After one year of marriage, I now know that he never plans anything in advance, even really important things, so the entire proposal makes sense. It is not a reflection of his love for me.
Re: your ring, I would agree with others and say that you have a point with it matching with your wedding band, and I think you should really be able to ask him to exchange it for something you really like. It is a big purchase, and I don't think any guy would want their fiance to be wearing something they don't like, especially if it cost that much money!
I am not thrilled about my proposal either. Mostly because I've never really dreamed about my actual wedding. I'd be happy with a simple "do you? I do. Do you? I do. ok, let's eat some cookies". I was always daydreaming about the day that some man that I loved would plan some big way of declaring his love for me and requesting that I join him for the rest of his life. Nothing like this happened at all. It's frustrating because I KNOW that I had made comments about all our other friends who had been proposed to and how each person wants a different kind of proposal. I don't think there was any plan whatsoever except that he had gone out with his mom to buy a ring and then had it in his pocket for 3 days before timidly asking me to marry him right before we were going to sleep after a very long day. No mini-speech about how I'm the love of his life, no funny "remember when" story, no chance for applause from people around us. In contrast to you, I would have LOVED for him to take advantage of a big family gathering to make a big scene. And while the ring is fine, I don't think it's what I would have picked. I love him, I'm going to marry him but that proposal sucked.
And I'll admit that I told him this (well not in those words). I'm hoping for some other re-do proposal sometime before the wedding. That's how upset it made me. But I'm sure that once more of the wedding planning gets started
As for the ring. I think YOU shouldn't feel bad about getting it redesigned or re-set or melted down. If he chose it before he met you then he can't expect you to want to wear it everyday, let alone ANY day.
Some people end up with awful "first kiss" stories, some have traumatic "first sex" stories... you and I and others who responded have disappointing proposal stories.
Men aren't mind readers. I wish they were sometimes, but they're not. Sometimes they need us to explain what we think should be very obvious to them. I think many men think just asking someone to marry them is romantic and thoughtful in and of itself and don't get that us women are looking for something more than that. If we have our hearts set on our guys doing something in particular to the point that we will be so upset and disappointed if it doesn't happen then we women really need to tell them what we want beforehand. It's not very romantic seeming, but it's a heck of a lot better than the disappointment that a lot of you us seem to feel when we don't end up getting what we have dreamt about.
My advice for all you yet to be engaged, tell your boyfriends about your dream proposal before he pops the question!
As for those who are engaged and disappointed with the proposal, I would tell your fiance's what you had always dreamed of and give them a second chance to make your dreams come true.
Smartl,
I would like to reiterate what an earlier poster mentioned, that maybe it was a big deal for his to propose in front is his family. If you don't get along with them as well as you like, maybe he thought this would be a way to bring your together, to show his family how much he cares about you and loves you in the hopes that they woul treat you as one of their own.
On the other hand, I would have hated to be proposed to in front of other people, too. If want you really want is the private proposal with the 'i love you the most and want to spend my life with you moment' maybe after you get the band remade to match your wedding band, you can say to him at home that night, 'well, to christen the new ring, i think you should propose again, just us, right here, right now. i think it's wonderful that you wanted your family to witness your proposal, but i know it meant you didn't get to say how much you love me in detail with other people around. tell me know what you would have said then if we had been alone.'
I mean, there's no reason you should only get proposed to once :) Just because the first time makes it officialy, a little teasing 'so you think i'm that great, huh, maybe you should marry me' or a more serious 'wow, i really love you, yeah, i think you should marry me after all' is a nice way to keep the engagement fresh even after many months.
I agree, cubangirl. I know that his family is really important to him so he probably just wanted to include them in such a special moment of his life. I wish I didn't begrudge him that because I know it was meaningful for him. He just forgot that it's an important moment in MY life too and I would never want to let them see me cry or be vulnerable! In their defense though I don't dislike them, I'm just not close to them and it's kind of awkward for us to all visit together. They were really good about it though - they knew the proposal was coming and they had champagne ready and everything so that did sweeten it a bit. Champagne is always good when you're a little nervous!
I think the good thing that has come out of this post is that I need to let it go about the proposal. It is what it is, and I'll only hurt him if I tell him I didn't like it. I know for a fact he THINKS he gave me the proposal of my dreams because he's mentioned more than once how I got such a romantic proposal. Makes me cringe because I just nod and think to myself "well, not exactly." I think I'd rather just ask him to do a speech at our rehearsal dinner as someone else suggested, that way he won't know that I didn't like the proposal but I'll still get to hear what I was missing.
I will definitely ask him about changing the ring now. It's just a matter of timing and me working up the guts because I have a feeling his answer will be "absolutely not" and it will turn into a fight.
Everyone has already given such great advice here; I just wanted to share how I dealt with this issue. My proposal wasn't everything I wished it would be (though I LOVE my ring), so I got to thinking that I would give my fiance the proposal that I wished I'd had. He deserves it!
Exactly one month before our wedding day, I wrote a little speech and planned a "spontaneous" walk at twilight in Central Park. When we got to Bethesda Fountain, I kicked off my italian flats (I wasn't going to ruin those puppies!) and got down on both knees. I said to him all the reasons I loved him, and told him I'd be honored if he would agree to be my husband. It was an incredible moment for both of us, and the big thing I learned is--asking someone to marry you is NERVE-WRACKING!!! (Even when you know they've already said yes!) My heart was pounding through my chest and I almost forgot most of my short little speech. 
My husband's "proposal" was very spontaneous. He said he wasn't going to ask me to marry him until he was ready, but he was going to tell me now that some day, it would happen. I told him that when he was ready, the answer would be yes... somehow, this led to him never getting around to really asking, we ended up eloping (it's a military thing, we didn't know if we could trust he'd get leave for any date we set), and we only just got around to getting my ring- months after the wedding. He always said that he's a romantic, he wanted to make sure the ring was "perfect"... but it's actually a very modest ring, I picked it from the first store we went to... and even as quick as I was while we looked, he STILL lost interest and picked up a T-shirt at Hot Topic while I was trying rings on! Ultimately, he "picked" the ring because I gave him two choices, and said "I like them both, pick one!"
So, while it was all very cute, and very "him," it wasn't exactly a proposal or a ring for the history books. But in all fairness, we wrote out own vows for the wedding... and his were so sweet, he struck me speechless. He went first, and I hadn't written mine down, so I blanked (and started crying)... to this day, I've no memory of exactly what I promised, except that "I love you" was in there. So, even though he fell victim to his own too-high expectations on the ring thing, he more than made up for it at the wedding. All I can say is, you have the rest of your lives to spend together, and if any of it is story-book perfect, consider yourself lucky! But you didn't marry him because he was perfect, you are marrying him because he's perfect for you- flaws and all. Don't fall into the trap that everyone gets a perfect proposal, a perfect wedding, etc. That's the stuff Bridezilla is made of. Your husband loves you, and if the proposal was a bit awkward, keep in mind it was his first one ever, right? I am sure he has many other ways of showing his love for you, and he will have plenty of other opportunities as your life together moves forward :-)
MsChica, I understand your point and I think it's great that you are at peace with the way your proposal went. But I don't think it's constructive or accurate to suggest that having a dream for a romantic proposal makes anyone a bridezilla. That is a very negative and hurtful term and I think I was quite careful in explaining that I do love my fiance and can't wait to marry him.
As a bride I'm very laid back. I'm much more focused on the marriage than the wedding, but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to care about the wedding and the proposal. I don't feel that there is only one "perfect" way to propose and nothing less would be acceptable; I just wanted some thought towards what I would like. I think it's a far leap from that wish to treating your wedding party like your personal slaves and screaming obscenities at perfectly reasonable vendors.
I've been there!My husband to-be did the same thing .The ring was all wrong ,it looked like a tween ring .It did'nt look grown up at all.I waited until it was time to pick the bands ,and when mine did not match his he came to the conclusion that the ring would not work.So we came to an agreement to trade it in for another one.
What I'm trying to say is men are sensitive when it comes to things like that,especially because he picked it out all by himself.In his mind he thinks he did great.
Just wait it out and see how it unfolds once you shop for the bands.
I don't really have anything to say about the proposal .But in your sweetest voice ask what he went through to plan the event.
Okay - I had a similar experiance, I was disappointed in my fiances proposal, all I asked of him was not to do it in the house. We waited until we were at my cabin which would have been great, but he had my 3 year old ask, and 30 seconds after I was right back in reality with bath time, bed time and all the mom things. I didn't even get to enjoy it. Not to mention I spent the whole week up there not being ablt to enjoy it, with my sister who was simply pissed my ring was bigger then hers and dumped on all the wedding ideas I had.
The ring I was thirlled with but the actual creation of it was something he took into his own hands and enlisted a friend....as for your ring....
You have to wear it your whole life, and he shoulnd't have picked out what HE wanted you to wear he should have picked out what he knew you would love. What matters is that you are comfortable and you love the ring. It shoulnd't be something you hide and if he really loved you he would understand this when you tell him. Yes, he's going to be a bit hurt - but you know what my fiance was too when I told him that I was a bit put off by how he asked me....or had my kid ask me....but he got over it, we moved past it and he was glad I told him the truth even if it did hurt a bit. He knoew it would have killed me to carry that around with me forever.
Good luck. Keep us updated!
Ahhhh I am SO glad and relieved this post is on here... I literally am about to cry. I felt like I was THE only girl who was like "is this seriously how you're PROPOSING to me????"? I was SOOOOO disappointed in the proposal. I still am, and it's been really hard to get over. Every time we see a movie w/ a good proposal, he knows I'm about to turn angry towards him... Well you know what I'm so freakin sorry he couldnt take two seconds to plan a decent freaking proposal. I am still, clearly, pissed about it, but my ring, fortunately, makes up for it. He literally did it in our house, with me sitting on the couch, in my PJ's... we were both drinking (yeah, i know.. I'm like...really?!!!??) He didn't even get on one knee... nothing... I said "yeahhhh" when he asked me b/c I was confused if he was serious... ugh!! I love him, he's def my best friend... But, I have done so many OVER the top things for him that I at leassssst thought he could do something nice for the proposal. Nope!! What-ever. It took me 2 full days to even tell anyone we were engaged bc I didnt want to mentally relive the proposal.... If we hadn't been together so long and/or if he hadnt been so great, I probably wouldnt have said yes, gave him back the right... and told him to try again when he was serious, but hell it took so freaking long for him to get his ass in gear in the first place, that I was like... whaaaatever. Just b/c Im a perfectionists doesnt mean everyone else is I guess.
Um, so I finally found this post on weddingbee...because back in October when FI proposed, I did a google-search for "disappointing proposals" in the hopes that SOMEONE else could relate--and found THIS very post back then!
Yes, I too had a disappointing proposal...I do want to share it on this board, get it off my chest so I can just say "THERE! I'm DISAPPOINTED!" and then get over it. I plan to, but now isn't a good time because I've already gotten irked with FI over something else today (and posted here) and don't need to nurture any more negative feelings about him at the moment, so I'll wait till I'm feeling more stable. But yes, I can relate, and yes, I am grateful to find that I'm not the only one!
I think a good way to aproach it would be to work with him to change the ring but not to mention the proposal. The proposal is over and done with so there's nothing you can do about that. But the ring is here and now so why not change it to be something you love? I'm sure you can bring it up in a tactful way that respects that effort/money he put into the ring.
Holy cow this post is old!
Is Cathleya Pengy??? Hehe :)
@TiffanyAnne: I would try and start your own thread...I doubt the OP is even on this website anymore and you'll probably get a lot more responses from current users.
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