Post # 1
I can’t begin to say how long I wanted to be engaged to him. When he propsed, it was the nicest restaurant in town, he got on one knee… Ya know, the stereotypical proposal.
I was rather disappointed. I had built it up in my head to be so exciting, really public with everyone watching, and unexpected, not knowing when it was going to happen. I completely expected it, he got on one knee and asked me, just as I had expected (it was our 2 year anniversary, so I figured that was when he would do it.) Nobody saw, it wasn’t a big scene or anything. I didn’t even get a new ring. A year and a half before that, he gave me a promise ring, promising that he’d stay with me as long as I would keep him. He used that ring and switched which hand it was on.
He used the few thousand dollars he had just gotten for something else and gave it ALL to his parents and couldn’t afford to buy me even something cheap.
Is it wrong for me to have been disappointed and underwhelmed?
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s wrong to be dissapointed, it’s your feelings and there is nothing wrong with feeling something. I would be pretty upset that he used the old ring but not really about the rest of it. I gave my husband specific details about what I didn’t want for my proprosal and he followed them, it wasn’t what I had envisioned but he did the very best he could given the circumstances.
Post # 4
@roxirose: Hmmm I think you definitely have the right to be upset about not getting a ring… that sucks. Did you talk to him about rings before?
This is why I am not in the camp of letting the man do all the planning and proposing without discussing ring budget and stuff first. Yeah I’m Type A, but hopefully I won’t end up being disappointed.
As far as the proposal goes… I think that it’s just one moment.. personally I would hate to have a big public spectacle… or anything fancy for that matter… but I want a nice ring so yes I would be very disappointed if I were you.
Is he planning on buying you a ring at some point? This just doesn’t sound well thought out at all.
I know some girls don’t want a ring, but it sounds like you do, and he kinda dropped the ball a bit unless he literally had no clue that you wanted an engagement ring.
Post # 5
I need to know why did he give it all to his parents before I vote. Does he owe them or are they in a desperate situation? If the answer is yes then I’d say you’re being selfish and I’d be happy he proposed. Obviously he loves you and he probably didn’t know what your dream engagement was. I understand when you have something big built up in your head and it doesn’t happen you can’t help feel a little disheartened but I honestly think you need to buck up and be happy that you are getting to spend the rest of your life with the person you love most.
Post # 6
I think your being really selfish. I’m sure it took alot of guts to for him to get down on one knee and ask you to be his wife! It’s an amazing honor and it shouldnt matter how he did it. Darling Husband and I were alone in our living room and he handed me a note that asked me if I wanted to marry him. It was sweet, personal and perfect for us.
Try not to dwell on how he did it and focus on your life together!
Post # 7
In my own opinion, I dont think so, I think those feelings are normal from what you are discribing happened. Even a little ring would have been nice and just switching ur promise ring from one had to the other doesnt seem right, to me anyway. Also I was the same way had this huge idea about the propsal in my head, however mine didnt go anyway i thought, i actually messed it up and so its a funny story to tell people. But if it is bothering you this much have you thought about sitting down and discussing it with him??
Post # 8
Why did he give his parents the money? If it was to pay off debt then I understand his decision. If they needed it for some reason and it was a loan, I can understand that, too. Did he say anything about why no new ring? Was it perfectly clear the old one was just a promise ring?
Post # 9
Also maybe think of it this way, he didnt know what type of engagement ring you would like, so this was his alternative till he can take you shopping for one. Just an Idea
FYI when my guy first asked me to marry him he didnt have the money to get me a ring and honestly the style of ring he was going to get just wasnt me so he gave me his dog tags til he got home from tour offically, and then we looked at rings and eventually “a ways down the road” he did a formal propsal with ring and all. Just try to be postitive and talk with him
Post # 10
Personally, I think there is too much emphasis placed on the ring instead of the promise and committment. I completely understand that the ring is a symbol, and I will be the first one to argue a man should make an effort when it comes to ring shopping, saving, etc
the advent of YouTube and the internet, and to be honest, places like this, create these HUGE expectations on what the “perfect” proposal needs to be. Your great, great grandmother probably never even got an engagement ring.
My Fiance first proposed to me with a piece of hardware! I couldn’t have cared less. From that moment forward we were both committed to getting married. About 8 months later, he gave me my e-ring. A year after that we set a date and now we’re planning together.
Accept his proposal and what it means if you feel he’s the man you want to spend your life with. Suggest you start looking at e-rings together, and go from there. Please look beyond the symbol and focus on the significance. (There’s lots of ladies around these parts who know their Fiance has the ring, but may never get it, or have to wait for a long time, because he’s holding out for whatever reason. At least your guy asked)
Post # 11
Your feelings are your feelings and are neither right nor wrong, but I think you need to get past this. You got a nice proposal, and you have a ring. Did you tell him you wanted a big public proposal? He is not a mind reader. And if you want to upgrade your promise ring tell him. But his money is his money, unless it was your combined money you don’t get a say in how he spends it.
Post # 12
On the one hand, I think being disappointed that the proposal wasnt a big public affair is kind of selfish. Sort of seems like you want the status of having a big engagement, rather than just the prospect of being engaged.
But I definitely understand being a bit upset about not getting a new ring. I mean, it doesnt even have to be an expensive ring. But an engagement is a change of status, and I think it deserves something more than just switching a ring from one hand to the other.
Post # 13
@SeaSalt: the advent of YouTube and the internet, and to be honest, places like this, create these HUGE expectations on what the “perfect” proposal needs to be. Your great, great grandmother probably never even got an engagement ring.
^^This! I know you can’t help your feelings, but I think you need to get over it. I agree with PP in that there is way to much emphesis on the “perfect” proposal and the ring. You should be excited that you are engaged, not disappointed that it was your dream proposal. I can see being bummed about the ring, but it sounds like he had a legit excuse. If his parents really needed the money, then it would be selfish of you to hold not buying you a new ring against your Fiance.
Also, just a quick thought, maybe your Fiance didn’t want to make a big scene, maybe he would have been uncomfortable with a large crowd of people watching.
Post # 14
He sounds very sweet 🙂 Whether he owed them money, or he was helping them out, it says alot about him. You are one lucky lady!
If he owed them, and was paying them back, that says he honors his financial commitments.
If he was helping them out, that says he honors his family.
Either way, it sounds like you have a wonderful man in your life! Congratulations on your engagement 🙂
Post # 15
I totally get why you’re disappointed. I wouldn’t have minded about the proposal but would have been upset about not receiving a ring, unless there was a damn good reason why he had to give his money to his parents. It’s hard for me to judge his actions without knowing why he gave them the money. But I think he could have got you a cheap ring as a symbol – it’s the thought that counts, even if it only cost $100! The fact that he didn’t buy a ring at all is pretty bad…
Post # 16
@roxirose: I picked “I can see both sides”.
First, depending on how nice your promise ring was, his intention may have always been that ring. Second, depending on how open your communication has been about expectations, he may have no idea that a promise ring isn’t an engagement ring just ‘moved over’. Third, depending on his financial situation and/or his parents (which really isn’t clear here), this may have been his only resort at this time.
On the other hand I do understand your disappointment. I had a little ‘promise ring’ (.15 solitaire) given to me once (my ex husband)…this same ring was used to propose a few months later…this was understandable given our age and financial situation.
But…when we finally managed to getting around to getting married (10 years later), I gave him the little ‘promise/engagment ring’ and said it was time for an upgrade and I left it up to him. After several weeks, my ‘new ring’ arrived. I was so excited to see it! It turned out to be the same promise/engagement ring…with six little diamond ‘chips’ inserted on either side of the center stone. All I mustered was “well, it’s not exactly what I was expecting“.