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Disappointed

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
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    1.
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    Bumble bee
    jaylii9    September 5, 2010  

    I would be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed by the news I received yesterday...

    FI and I went to the post office yesterday and sent out our holiday card with save the dates inside. It was really fun and exciting! We then met FI's parents for lunch and they were excited about the save the dates as well, but then shared big family news with us...FI's cousin is pregnant... and is due a week before our wedding (in Michigan). I was seriously sad and disappointed by this news.

    Well, let me back up. FI's cousin is married and she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for a couple of months. FI's cousin is really the darling of FI's mom's side of the family. She's the first grandchild, a girl etc... When she got married two years ago the whole family was SO excited for months and the wedding was treated as a huge, very special event. 

    FI's extended family has not shown the same level of enthusiasm about our wedding which has saddened me. 

    On the way home from lunch I had a mini break down and cried in the car. FI was understanding, but probably thought I was nuts! I know that people can't plan pregnancies around our wedding, but I also feel that the next 9 months will be the baby show with his family. We are now kicking into high gear with our planning and I would love if his family actually was excited for him, but I think this wedding won't get noticed much. I also worry that his grandparents will now think that they have the perfect excuse to not come to the wedding because of the baby- they have complained since we announced our date that Labor Day weekend was awful and the trip from Michigan to Ohio would be awful for them.

    I am sorry that this post is so long and if you read all of this, thank you. I don't want to sound like a bridezilla (I'm really not), but the timing of all of this has just really bummed me out :(

     

     
    2.
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    Busy bee
    jwinnings      

    I understand.  Just rememeber that it's not like she had this baby to rain on your parade, it was something she planned. wait and see how much attention your wedding gets before saying theyll pay no attention to it. It would be awful rude of them to honor her wedding more than yours so i'd be surprised if that was really the case.  your wedding is special no matter what others say and you always have us bees for support.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    monitajb    July 17, 2010   Sacramento

    Girl, I hear yah. I had a reaction yesterday in the same vein, though more petty on my part. My mom was at my cousin's wedding, which I couldn't attend, the same day I picked out a dress. She barely reacted to the news, then didn't call all day after I sent her pictures. I freaked out about the, like 18 hours without her validation. I can understand.

    I don't have any advice. I see where you are coming from. This is a huge moment in your life, and now it will be overshadowed, and you aren't going to get the welcoming to his family that you hoped for. You aren't a bad person for feeling bad. It's not like you are mad at the cousin, just a little sad. This may just be one of those things you are sad about to yourself, or to your mom and your friends, but will heal from. It is odd to be dissapointed by the joy of others, but I understand. Just work through it.

     
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    Bumble bee
    iswimibikeirun    May 15, 2010   Houston

    Wow!  Cousin is awfully confident sharing that she's pregnant so early.

    I'm sorry that she's going to cast a shadow on everything.  

     
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    I understand how you feel but I wouldn't worry about it that much.  People will not miss out on your wedding just because she is having the baby, since most people aren't going to be in the room with her.  Yes, they will be excited about the baby but they are going to be excited when your wedding happends too.  Depending on how old his grandparents are, they might not have been able to travel to the wedding anyway.  My only living grandparents weren't able to because they were both in the 80s and too fragile to travel.

     
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    Bumble bee
    jaylii9    September 5, 2010  

    Clarification: She is 5-6 weeks I believe and shared the news with immediate family only yesterday. The news will be on the DL for everyone else until she is out of her first trimester. 

    Also with the grandparents issue. They are planning to come, and have no health issues that would prevent them from coming. They have complained so much about the wedding that these days I just think that is have to be their loss if they can't be excited about their first grandson getting married.

     
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    Worker bee
    peoniespearls    July 17, 2009   PA

    What about your side of the family? They are the ones you are already close to and I'm sure they are excited for you. I understand family events taking away from each other....

    I think I read something on a board about a best man who couldn't make it bc his wife was due the same day and they lived far away.

    When someone from FI's family asks if they can help, be ready with some small tasks so they feel included (and then they'll get excited too).

     

     
    8.
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    GirlWithARing    September 5, 2010   Living in NYC, marrying in Philadelphia

    Hi date twin! The math doesn't quite seem to add up with your cousin's pregnancy...she is definitely announcing it way too early, IMHO!!

    I think so many brides feel disappointed because their weddings don't receive support and attention from their own family, FI's family, bridal party, etc. I know it must suck, but to put it in perspective, you are far from alone. I feel like these types of posts come up on the boards several times each day!

    I don't find it surprising that your FI's family made a huge deal over his cousin's wedding - first, the bride's family is traditionally more involved and more excited than the groom's, and second, it was the first wedding in the family among your generation. Honestly, even without the pregnancy, I don't think your wedding would have ever gotten the same level of attention, nor should it! It would be nice, of course, but all you need is for you and FI to be excited and involved.

    About your date, I can relate - we got complaints from FI's fam as well, and they only have to travel like 2.5 hours by car!! We made sure both of our sets of parents were fine with the date and chose it. We won't be excited if some people choose not to come, but focus instead on those who do choose to join us on that day.

     
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    Bumble bee
    jaylii9    September 5, 2010  

    Girlwitharing- I just looked up one of those due date calculator things and now I have to agree with you about the date. It does seem off and I also agree that I would not want to announce a pregnancy so early. Things would be easier if she is due a few weeks before our wedding, it would space things out better.

     

     
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    Maybe she did fudge the due date in order to steal your thunder?  I guess you will see if the baby comes a couple weeks before your wedding.

     
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    Bumble bee
    jaylii9    September 5, 2010  

    MissAB- haha, I would hope that that is not true! I think she probably just confused herself since I don't believe she has even had a dr's appt yet. I think they did a blood test, but I think they would not give her a due date until they can do a sonogram, right?

     
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    Nope, they don't know how long she has been pregnant until she has the sonogram and they measure the fetus.  So since she is just guessing on her own, she could be completely wrong!

     
    13.
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    Blushing bee
    notasaint    December 31, 2009   FL

    Awwww, I'm sorry!!!  One of my good friends is having her baby the day before our wedding and I feel the same.  Even at my bridal shower she was a cranky hormonal mess telling everyone they need to cut the pregnant lady some slack.  I tried to just enjoy the night.

     
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    Bumble bee
    iswimibikeirun    May 15, 2010   Houston

    Well, does she live far away from you?  Then maybe she won't come!

     
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    galacticpony    December 11, 2010   NYC

    That's disappointing, but keep in mind that guys often get the short end of the wedding deal, and so maybe his family isn't fawning over the wedding because its not a daughter getting married. Pretty lame, but I've seen it happen with brothers and sisters a lot. The brother's wedding = congratulations!. The sister's wedding = CONGRATULATIONS! WHEN'S THE DATE! WHAT ARE YOUR COLORS! WHAT ARE YOU WEARING and so on and so forth. Totally not the same with every family, of course. That's just my thought on the matter of maybe why your FH's family isn't excited as you wish they were. Either way, the baby is definitely not going to be at your wedding if it's due the week before, so at least you can be happy to know that when his family is at the wedding, they're there for you and him, and for no one else. When the day actually comes, all of this backstory won't matter. Keep that in mind, and try not to let it stress you too much. Smile

     
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    Buzzing bee
    cinemaparadiso    July 16, 2015  

    Awww. I feel you too. My family asks all the time about the wedding, while FI's couldn't care less. The difference is that he feels bad about it, too. So just know that you're not alone... I wish I had better advice... oh, wait, also remember that regardless, it will be the best day of your lives, no matter who is there! :)

     

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