Post # 1
hey ladies. i was planning a surprise road trip to california as a christmas present for bf, when i ended up telling him what i was planning because he was talking about how his mom offered to let us use her frequent flyer miles for a trip soon. so no big deal, we can plan the trip together now (i just have to think of a new gift idea lol).
but yesterday i asked bf where he wanted to go on vacation (instead of assumingwe would adhere to my original ideas), and he got all mad and negative and even a little defensive saying he didn’t know if it would even happen because he doesn’t know when exactly he will have to start his new job. i realize the timing is a little up in the air right now, but why does this mean we can’t even talk about where to go?
i’m just really disappointed, because i’ve been wanting/needing a vacation for a long time, and he goes and tramples all over my excitement. even if we can’t go during my winter break like i was originally planning (if he has to start his job right away), we can go eventually, and it was really nice to have a vacation to dream about. i’m sad he made me feel wrong for even talking about it.
i know he is worried about getting a job, but i don’t see why he has to be so negative about possibly not having the time for vacation. This can’t be a money concern, since i was already going to pay for the entire road trip i had been planning.
i just don’t get it. i feel so guilty for trying to plan a trip now. someone make me feel better?
Post # 3
I don’t think his intention was to stomp on your enthusiasm. To me it just sounds like he’s stressed out about hearing from his job and doesn’t care to discuss plans for a vacation he doesn’t know he’ll be able to take yet. What if he gets all excited and then finds out he can’t take it? That would be twice as disappointing for both of you when you have all these fun ideas for a vacation.
He’s aware you’d like to take a vacation so bringing it up too much will just seem like you’re pressuring him and aren’t being empathetic to his uncertain situation, which will make him defensive. I am sure once he feels more stable and secure workwise he’ll be more open to talking about it.
Post # 4
My Fiance does this occasionally. I”ll bring up something fun I want us to do, and if he is stressed out about something else, he will snap and tell me he can’t think about it right now and shut me down. Eventually, once the rough patch clears up, he usually comes to me and says that he is ready to do what I suggested. I just can’t bombard him if he is worried about something. Don’t feel guilty. Let him get past his mood and then try talking about it.
Post # 5
I would probably be thinking the same way if I didn’t have a job. When I get a new job, vacation is the last of my thoughts, because each company is different and I wouldn’t want to assume anything about vacation time. Trying to plan a vacation without a job would just further my stress because all it would do is remind me that I don’t actually have a job.
It’s not totally rational, but that’s probably his thought process too. I would just lay low on the vacation front for a bit.