Post # 1
Please tell me if I am being selfish and wife-zilla.
It was our first married V-Day, and he didn’t make it special at all. We had decided to not exchange gifts, but he said he would get me flowers and chocolates and a card. Okay, fine. But I expected him to make it special and make the day special somehow. Like, on the day, I got him an i love you cookie and wrapped it up. Even something little like that.
But instead, he got me flowers from the grocery store shopping the past weekend (not even wrapped) along with his weekly grocery shopping, and a bit of candy when we were out with the kids. I got a card from him the morning of V-Day, and it was really sweet. He said he wouldn’t have time to get flowers on the day of, but I don’t know how he couldn’t just stop anywhere on the way home from work. I feel like he just copped out by picking them up with his regular grocery shopping. I feel so ungrateful, but also so unspecial.
I just wish he’d come home from work, on the day of, with a wrapped bouquet, or even a little heart shaped box, or even a cute e-card during the day. Just something special and romantic for the day of. I don’t “want” the flowers and candy, more to be treated specially, but it’s like he just ticked the boxes. The evening was just a regular night. I even suggested watching a special movie to do something different but he had too much work to do. I ended up crying which made him mad (he hates when I cry) and we had a little fight and he said he’d throw the flowers out if I don’t like them. He said he was trying to make me feel special. We made up and I apologized but I still feel unspecial. Not sure if I’m coming across well. What’s wrong with me that I can’t just appreciate what he DID do?
Post # 2
newlywed78 : Stop giving into the hype. He did do something special for you–and way more than the decided-upon no gifts. Stop wanting that movie-Instagram-worthy moment. If you got to spend time together, you are lucky.
Post # 3
Yes you are being over the top.
Valentines day is a silly holiday and what he did was nice enough. This isn’t a stat holiday and careers go on so if he had a busy day I believe him.
I work an intense career where during really busy days I can barely hate time to eat something much less go pick up flowers and crap.. you are his wife you should know his job well and not demand that he take time out of his professional day to buy you a second bouquet of flowers when hes busy.
Also he had work to finish at home.. what did you want him to do? stay up with you to watch your special movie and then stay up till 3 am finishing work that brings in you income.. cmon..priorities
Post # 4
Were girls we have emotions and expetation. That being said give the guy a break. He really tried. Marrage is about excepting the person as they are.
Post # 5
newlywed78 : I get it bee… but I think you’re being unrealistic. Can you imagine what it would be like to try and fight the mob after work to grab a bouquet of flowers? He didnt do something last min or half-assed. You agreed on no gifts, he pre-planned to make sure you’d get something special. Work is work and it has to get done. He did what he could and I think you need to be grateful. If you need something more than this – something on the actual day or something more extravagant, you need to tell him. Otherwise, you need to be grateful that he was thoughtful and planned ahead when he knew he’d be very busy. He appreciates you, but the world doesnt stop just because it’s Valentines day.
Post # 6
newlywed78 : First of all, full disclosure– I love Valentines Day. Sue me, it’s a “Hallmark Holiday” and blah blah blah, but ya know what– people like it. People buy into the hype. And yeah. it feels shitty if you like it and your partner doesn’t. I don’t think that makes you silly or disrespects your feelings in any way.
That said, you gave some mixed signals. You wanted to not make a big deal out of it hoping that he would get the hint and do something more heartfelt. He didn’t “do” nothing, but he also didn’t place any thought into it– and he just covered his bases. You called him out on it, he got defensive, you cried, and here we are.
I think what people who do value this holiday need to do is just have an honest conversation with our SO’s. Don’t try to be the cool girl when you don’t want to be, it is perfectly fine to like Valentines Day and have an expectation around how you’d like to spend it as a couple. If you never tell him, he won’t know– he isn’t a mind reader.
“Honey, listen. I know Valentines Day is considered silly. I know you do not like to participate in it because of ____. I understand that this isn’t a holiday that everyone celebrates, and maybe in the past you haven’t celebrated it. But to me, this day is important. It signifies our love, and while you do a GREAT job of showing it every other 364 days of the year, I like to take this 1 extra day and devote it to me and you. If you could participate in it with me going forward, it would really mean a lot to me.”
On another note– him getting mad at you for crying is a little over the top. He seriously gets mad?
Post # 7
I think you might need to give him a break here. I agree with others where Valentine’s Day is an over hyped holiday. He did get you flowers while he was out (even if it was while grocery shopping). He could have skipped that all together…but he knew he wouldn’t have the time the day of, so you WERE thought of.
If it makes you feel better…..my husband had to work late last night…which left me with having to feed, bathe and put our daughter to bed by myself. Oh and right before putting her in the crib, she vomited all over herself, her nightstand and our carpet. Happy Valentine’s Day to me! lol
Oh…and he forgot flowers on the way home lol he bought me “just bc flowers” last week though..I see that as way better than getting me flowers bc of a particular day.
Post # 8
I got a card, and my husband cooked steaks on the grill. I left work late (despite my best efforts), and failed to get him a card. I did remember to pick up his prescription before I got home, so bonus wife points for me 🙂 After dinner, we got caught up on a couple of shows, and went to bed. Such is adult life when you both work the next day, and a holiday falls on a weekday.
That all said, we love each other, and we still do romantic things. The date those things fall on isn’t important.
Post # 9
newlywed78 : The flowers, chocolates and I love you cookies you exchanged are still gifts after the fact you both agreed not to gift each other. I don’t see what’s the issue here. Were you expecting more?
Post # 10
You both sad no gifts, and then you both got each other gifts. I’d say that’s sweet and special!
Post # 11
I used to make arrangements for V day. Let me tell you day of? There’s barely anything left but literal junk. You have to order ahead to get anything wrapped or arranged. And if you do catch the florist or assistant get in line because you’re gonna be waiting forever. I mean some years there was a lot leftover…But you take can’t predict.
Plus nothing wrong with grocery store flowers, they likely have the same distributor as florist shop.
Post # 12
This year was also DH and my first Valentines Day together as a married couple. And we did absolutely nothing. The day fell on a Tuesday so it was pretty inconvenient to begin with since pretty much everyone has to work. I stopped by the grocery store yesterday after work to grab ingredients for dinner and the place was an absolute madhouse. It took me forever to find a parking spot and lines at the registers were insane. I absolutely don’t blame your husband for not wanting to stop after work to grab flowers or chocolates. Instead, DH and I sat down a few days before and decided that we’re going to pick a weekend to go to the mountains and then out to dinner after and would consider that as our belated Valentines Day together. Maybe this is something that could work for you? I would sit down with him and discuss arranging a different date where you can go out and do something fun. There’s really no reason why you NEED to celebrate on 2/14. Good luck, bee!
Post # 13
Don’t give in to the hype. The first V-day we spent together I was sick with food poisoning so he brought me saltines and gingerale because I asked. It set the tone for the rest of the relationship. One year he sent me flowers the day after Valentines Day because “I love you every day of the year, not just one” This year, we made dinner at home the weekend before and on the day of I worked 14 hours and got home at 10. He was half asleep on the couch and there was a bouquet of flowers sitting on the table. I thanked him, gave him a kiss and that was that. Day over, I feel kind of bad I didn’t get him a single thing, but I know he’s not upset by it and I do enough over the course of the rest of the year to show I care, so it works. How is he the rest of the year? Also, with the buying of the flowers, that just sounds practical. I also tell him when to buy me flowers, “Hey, you haven’t surprised me with flowers in a while. You know I love them, maybe this week?” And usually one night, I’ll come home and there is a little bouquet. I’m not going to test him and see if he can read my mind. If I want something, I’ll tell him.
Post # 14
I don’t care for Valentines Day. We don’t do much for it. My birthday was last week and we celebrated with dinner and gifts then. I feel weird to celebrate again the next week for VD. My DH felt bad not doing anything but we enjoyed a nice everning together at home and it was perfect.
Post # 15
This is why I think Valentines Day is the stupidest, most contrived holiday. Why do you need flowers on a Tuesday that was clearly a busy work day for him? It was for me too, and the flowers are going to die no matter how nice they look now. Give him a break.