autumnmarvel : Yeah this makes sense. I think there are a few things and I just need to talk to him.
For those who feel bad for him being my husband, he tells me a lot that he is really lucky and happy to have me, and it’s genuine. So I know I’m not that bad of a person all the time. I’m not perfect though, and I realize I overreacted. I also realized it that night and asked him if he would accept my apology. He said yes and we ended up having a nice time after that.
Also to clarify about the grocery store flowers: he has always got me grocery store flowers and it’s always been enough. I don’t mind where they’re from. I just meant that he picked them up as usual on his shopping day and didn’t go out of his way. I realize now it’s fine. I just want him to go out of his way sometime someday, for me. That’s all. And I put too much pressure on THIS day.
He did do more for me than I did for him. He actually told me he wanted nothing, not even a card. But he was still super happy with the surprise I could tell. He had a huge grin when he opened it and he loved the card I got. But that’s why I didn’t do much, because he asked me not to.
Someone mentioned different ways of showing love and that’s probably it. I think he shows it by keeping in touch with me and sending me kisses by text throughout the day.
Someone else mentioned spelling out what I want. This is what we need. I need to tell him — I like things wrapped, and I like to have a cup of tea made for me on my birthday so when I wake up, I feel extra special and it’s not a normal day. TBH, it’s not Valentine’s Day per se, it’s just feeling like he’s stopped making an effort to do those extra things.
Like, he used to always bring me back tea from his trips, and last time, he didn’t bring me anything, even though he shopped for himself (books) and his sons (t-shirts) and the tea shop was right there. He felt so bad that he forgot and said he’d make it up to me with a movie but then never did. And on V Day, he was making dinner (spahetti and sauce) and he asked what kind of sauce I liked, which made me feel good. Said he’d make that one. Then just picked a different one and said he liked it better. So just all those little things built up.
He used to clean my car in the morning (brush off the snow) because he leaves earlier than me and would just do them both. Last time, he did his and left mine.
All those things used to make me feel special. I’m not bean counting, and not expecting any of these things. And if he forgets one thing, I don’t care. It’s just examples of how things changed, and they all seem to have changed after we got married, and I really didn’t think they would change so much. To me, those are romance. To him, maybe those were just dating things. I don’t know. I’ve really tried to keep up the little things I do for him because I don’t think that marriage = end of romance.
Anyway he’s an awesome guy and I’ve accepted V Day, and I know he loves me to death. I just really miss those things and it was a last straw situation that would have been nothing otherwise.
So… basically I need to have a talk with him about how all those little things felt before and how I miss them. We have a baby on the way too and I am really scared of us losing all the romance entirely. I think we also need to spend some time together and I’d like to not be the one asking all the time, I’d like him to carve it out too.
Thanks again to all who posted, even the critical ones. Helps me see what the problem really is, and I do love the flowers and appreciate that he got them at all.