- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
It does sound like things have turned into a one way street. How were things between you before? Maybe she feels like you have been pressuring her into doing everything together and helping each other out, since you mentioned she is less into DIY projects than you. It's pretty unfair of her to accept all your help without offering anything in return, but maybe she was just going along with you in the first place. I would stop trying so often to do things with her.. maybe turn to some of your other bridesmaids for help on your projects.
First off, I know you are excited about all your projects, and it is very nice of you to keep offering to help her with hers, but she certainly isn't required to be assisting in DIY projects as part of her MOH duties. I would back off a little with bringing it up. She'll offer and make it happen if she's interested.
Secondly, I assume you knew when you asked her to be MOH that she had an upcoming wedding too. As you said, hers is before yours, so she's probably very busy doing her own planning (even if it doesn't involve as many DIY projects.) I would try and be a little more cognizant of this, especially as your wedding is still 7 months away.
I understand why you're disappointed, but if she genuinely is not interested in "wedding stuff" you can't expect her to go through the motions. Have you tried talking to her about it? Maybe she doesn't realize how she's coming across. It might be a good idea to have a girl's lunch and NOT talk about anything wedding related- just to make sure your friendship stays on track.
She's probably at that stage where the wedding planning is more of a chore than fun (you're not there yet) and maybe the DIY stuff is getting to her.
I'd back off and not bring up any projects.
Technically, she doesn't have to help you with anything although it's certainly nice when a MOH or BM offers to.
I agree about getting together with her and making it a "wedding-free" time.
You said she's not much of a DIY person. So whereas you find helping her with her wedding projects fun, she probably views it as a chore. In fact, she may have done more DIY projects because you "encouraged" it so much. She may be totally burned out on them. Look to your other bridesmaids for help with those and you probably just need to accept that even though you have helped with hers, you have done so because you enjoy doing that stuff. Hopefully one of your other BMs enjoys it as much as you and can be your go-to girl for projects.
Since she is getting married sooner than you, she may be overwhelmed with wedding things. Asking her to pick up your slack when she wasn't a DYI kind of girl to begin with is expecting too much. I know you'd prefer for her to be there with you, but dont hold it over on her. And stop offering to help her out! She'll ask if she needs you.
this is one of those cases where your expectations are getting in your own way. just because you do something for someone, you shouldn't expect they will do the same for you. as a pretty naive girl growing up, it took me a long time to realize that everyone has their own motivations and priorities. she's been pretty clear that she's not interested in these details, so i would say focus on your wedding and help with hers when asked and IF you can.
I have to agree with some of the PP, she is probably burnt out on the DIY stuff and since she really doesn't like doing them she is probably rather not work on anymore of that stuff. She may also not really enjoy wedding planning.
I know for my own wedding, if someone offered to do all my planning and then some I would have let them! I hated planning it, and am not good nor really like doing DIY stuff. As long as I had final say on things, if someone wanted to do it, it was accepted!
And honestly all that stuff is just bonus! As you know the only real job of the bridal party is to stand up for you at your wedding!
I have to disagree with PP on this one. I think that there is no set in stone "rules" for a MOH. But I think we can all agree that your girls are supposed to be there for you during wedding planning. It doesn't seem like she has been there for you unless she needs your help. And that is pretty selfish in my book. We are all planning our weddings on this site (most of us anyways) and we know all the things that we have to do and have done and will have to do. Does this mean that we don't have 1 day to spare for our best friends? Her last response to you asking her to come over was just plain RUDE also. Sounds like she needs to get her head out of her ass to me. MOH duties or not, it would be good if she did that.
Thanks girls. Yes, I am going to take your advice and quit talking about weddings for the next while with her. She is probably sick of it, and while I love the planning aspect and DIY portion of weddings, I understand that it’s not for everyone.
The advice to ask my other BMs to help is understandable, but I actually only have 2 girls (my MOH and 1 bridesmaid) standing up with me. Since there are only the two, I feel bad asking one to come over and help and not extending the invite to my MOH. I certainly wouldn’t want her to feel left out. My other bridesmaid has been very willing to help, and honestly, and looks at it the same way I do: not as a chore but as an excuse to get together, drinks some wine, watch bad TV and meanwhile make a little crafting progress. It’s not even so much that she doesn’t want to help with projects… its been the complete ignoring the fact that I am getting married too and never asking me anything about it.
I know that my own expectations are to blame here. Ahh!
Honestly, I like to do my own DIY projects. That way I know that they are done right the first time.
Before I started any projects, I have read on weddingbee so many threads of people helping them but then they botched what they were helping with! So I decided I will do most by myself.:)
I think you will enjoy doing your own DIY. Put on a good movie or tv show while your doing it. It can be fun. :)
I'm just going to throw this out there, take it or leave it kind of thing... but maybe you could ask your FI to help you with DIY projects. The wedding is symbolizing a marriage of YOU and HIM, so shouldn't the planning/projects/decisions/tastings/etc... be done by both of you? Not all guys are even willing to participate, but I don't think it's the responsibility of my BM's to help with anything I'm not willing to ask FI for help with. It's wonderful if they offer, but certainly not expected or required.
Edit- I know this reply comes out a little, I dunno, off- but that's not my intention. Sorry if it came out kinda harsh.
This. All of it. Her reply was rude. Even if she's not into wedding stuff, she agreed to be your MOH and all that comes with it. That's being helpful and supportive. You're allowed to ask her for help and she's allowerd to say no to some things but she can be more polite in saying it. If she had a problem with your diy suggestions for her wedding, she could have just said so.
I don't think you've done anything wrong.
@DuneLady I completely agree with your point, and luckily my fiancé has been very willing to help. He is building our photobooth, painted some directional signs etc.. its not really that I NEED help from my BM to get projects done, I just wish my MOH would show a little more excitement and support for me…
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| aussiebee | 6 |
| janetsnakehole | 5 |
| simpleandchic | 4 |
| j_jaye | 4 |
| Rivendeler | 4 |
| MabelleBliss | 3 |
| MrsOliveBird | 2 |
| MrsMSmith | 2 |
| Adalita | 2 |
| bonkeyball3 | 2 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MrsOliveBird | 1 |
| miss_blondie86 | 1 |
Just need to vent a little. My best friend (MOH as well) is getting married a few months before me, and, at first, it was a lot of fun planning our weddings together. But, in the last few weeks the fun has been replaced with feelings of disappointment / sadness!
Since the day she was engaged (which was a few months before me), I have offered to help with anything and everything. Granted, she is not much of a DIY bride and doesn’t enjoy the creativity portion of wedding planning as much as me, but I think I have been a good friend helping whenever she needed anything.
For example, I came up with the idea for her STDs and spent one night a week for 3 weeks, and a Saturday afternoon helping her create them! I really liked getting to help her, and thought it was a nice chance for us to spend some time together. I suggested that we spend one night a week helping each other with wedding projects, and she seemed pretty game for that. Well, I continued to help her for a few weeks on her projects, but last week she didn’t have any projects. She called me to say that she didn’t need any help, but I could stop by if I wanted. She didn’t bother asking me if I needed a hand with anything.
Since I seem to be enjoying the planning aspects a little more than her, any time I find a great deal / nice vendor, or project I think would work for her, I send it her way to save her some time. I’ve shared everything!
I also spent a weekend dress shopping with her. We went to a larger city about 4 hours away and had a great time together, and she did purchase a dress. As her MOH, I wouldn’t have missed that for the world.
I’m starting to feel though like this is a one-way street, and lately, her remarks have turned catty. First, she couldn’t make it when I went dress shopping. I understand that people have prior commitments but I got the feeling that she just couldn’t be bothered. Luckily, my other bridesmaid did come, and we had a fabulous weekend but I certainly missed not having my MOH there.
Secondly, not once has she offered to help with anything. I’ve told her several times about projects I am working on, but still she never offers to help. We only live a few streets away so it wouldn’t be a big deal for her to swing by and give me a hand occasionally. I certainly wouldn’t expect help ALL the time, but an offer at least once, would be very much appreciated. She doesn’t seem one bit excited for me, and it’s starting to sting a little.
So, I emailed her this morning asking if she had any projects she wanted help with next week. She said she didn’t, so I asked her if we could still get together as I …..“had two or three projects that were half-finished, and if we could cross one off the list that would be awesome!..”
When she wrote me back she said she would help, and then wrote “Wow, that’s a of projects. I certainly don’t have time to be worrying about all that.”
I’m at the point where I just want to quit talking about weddings with her / offering to help, and just let us both do our own thing!! Does anyone else feel disappointed by MOH lack of engagement??