Disappointed in myself after obsessing with how I looked on my wedding day

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

FleeSircus:  I’m sorry. I will be completely honest, I was also at my heaviest when I got married. Instead of losing, I was gaining. I loved my photos however, the dress I wore really helped hide my extra pounds except when I would sit down, there are some really unflattering angles of me, I have really bad back fat. 

But, its over, my wedding was amazing, and now I am down 10lbs and I just have to think positive. Get back on track and just eat healthier and maybe start exercising. I really want to lose another 30lbs in the next 4months because we are going to start TTC before the end of the year

Post # 3
Member
2220 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

 

Arggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

Eating disorders tend to warp your perception of yourself.  You know this. 

You know that you are fighting off unhealthy eating tendencies and so you must get professional help so that you don’t fight them alone.

Your husband loves you as you are because you are lovely.  And it is enough to be lovely.  Perfection or perception of what perfection should be is usually boring and nowhere near as lovable as the person just being themselves.  Write this out and put it in your wedding album and put it on your fridge.

Then put your wedding album away for a while, and just take some time to enjoy married life.

Post # 4
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

FleeSircus:  I am not saying this to be mean but you are obviously not in full recovery. The fact that you have been struggling with this for 5 months is evidence of that. I think it might be time to head back to counselling. 

Post # 5
Member
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I just went and found some of your wedding pictures and you look gorgeous. Like seriously beautiful, and I’m pretty judgmental 

Sounds like you should get back into some sort of treatment, even just seeing a psychologist for maintenance would be a good idea. Hating your wedding pictures is one thing, but you want to be able to enjoy your life. You only get one!

Post # 7
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

FleeSircus:  Ha! Before I finished reading I decided to suggest a photoshoot! Hell yes!! Totally redo the photoes! Think also of going outdoor to a park or smth for awesome photo opportunities. PLUS you’ll get to wear your dress again!

RE to those who say OP still has issues: Well doh! You only get one wedding day and one set of pictures to remember it by! So if you did not look your best, then what? freaking seek therapy??

I hate my engagement shoot cos I ended up with a  double chin in half the pictures (extra weight!) plus the hairdesser really messed my hair and I had no time to wash it. So I really have not shown anyone my pictures. ( Now 2 years later I dragged one out for fb) but I’m totally understand what you mean.

 

So yes by all means, do yourself a favour and have a freaking awesome time with the photoshoot ! Think of fun things, maybe even some props, champage, flowers! Just DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

Post # 8
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

FleeSircus:  full recovery = not struggling with unhealthy thoughts for 5 months.  I say that as someone with a mental health background. Do not mess around with this. You have already done the hardest part, getting help originally, don’t let ego or some sense of I have to do this on my own stop you again. 

Even posting on here about it would be a red flag for me. 

Post # 9
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

AnnaVictoria:  Did you skip over the part where the OP said she struggled with an eating disorder? Or are you just being willfully ignorant?

Post # 10
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m in the same boat. I have been eating and maintaining a healthy weight for the past 3 years, but my bridal portraits bummed me out. I know I look fine in them, and I know I am not overweight, but I’m not used to seeing myself at this weight. I am bracing myself for the wedding photographs. 

When you are used to seeing yourself severely underweight (and still being unhappy with it), it’s hard to reconcile yourself with healthy weight photographs. My doctor says I may always struggle with body image, even if I am able to forge ahead eating right. 

Post # 12
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

FleeSircus:  Rally your support network, girl! That’s what folks in recovery do as well. WB ain’t gonna cut it for you in the long run and I know you know that too.

And as far as I know, recovery does NOT mean NOT struggling. It means not reverting back to the addiction/habit. It doesn’t mean you do not have “stinking thinking” and many other things still going on in your head.

Post # 13
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

FleeSircus:  That is really good to hear   Work through it and you will come out the other side because you are clearly strong enough given your past. Unfortunately weddings are one of the biggest triggers for people who have/are suffering from an eating disorder.  

I wish more funding was put towards researching this kind of stuff instead of funding for yet another cholesterol lowering tablet when there are countless effective ones already in existence. 

Post # 14
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

j_jaye:  No. I did not skip it.

It just sounds that OP is much happier with herself now and the old photos are actually triggering negativity toward herself.

I would say if getting new pictres will give her a positive boost why everyone is shooting her down telling her she must get therapy INSTEAD? Surely she is not dumb or ignorant not to know how to deal with her condition without your suggestions ( like if the therapy is required or not)?She’s been dealing with it since 16, so good job diagnosing everyone.

Dealing with self destructive tendencies is much more complex than freaking therapy. (I am a  depression survivor who battled with low self esteem, eating disorders, being suicidal for 10 years of my life). I hated it when I tried to reach out and share and find some positive ground and the therapy got shoved in my face. Thanks. Ignorant I am I guess.

 

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

FleeSircus:  You looked beautiful! But I totally understand that feeling. But don’t you think that another poto shoot will just put more stress on you? Part of an eating disorder is that you will never be happy with the results, it’s never enough, it’s an endless chase for something you will never feel. Sometimes you just have to learn to say that enough is enough and enjoy what you have. Stay healthy and happy 🙂

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