(Closed) Disappointed in reception and guests – a bit of a rant :/

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

$25 may be a small amount to you, but for some people that is all they can afford.

Post # 4
Member
504 posts
Busy bee

Some Bees dont like to see complaing about no gifts but I’m with you. I would never, ever not give a gift and I think it’s rude to not bring something. I do however think a card is acceptable as some people just dont have the extra funds. However, there is no excuse for not sending a card with your well wishes.

Post # 5
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

There is always some in every crowd. Sure it’s disappointing, but in the scope of all the things in life to get upset over, I wouldn’t burden myself with people’s poor home training.

Just know you have manners, and be thankful your parents taught you well.

Post # 6
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@lorie:  You shouldn’t be expecting gifts or money from your guests, especially since they didn’t attend your wedding and you just hosted an afterparty type reception. I’d be happy with what you got, and at least those people were able to come to see you.

Post # 7
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Perhaps people didn’t feel the need to be as generous with presents since it was a reception after the actual wedding that they were not either invited to or unable to attend?  Some people have different ideas about what is “proper”  It does seem like after spending some time reading these message boards that the “cover your plate” mentality is a thing of the past.  

While I do find it rude to show up to a party or gathering without even asking the host what/if anything you should bring, I do find it a bit offputting to complain about a lack of gifts or that they were not up to your standards.  Times are tough.  Some people can’t afford any more than $25 gift cards.  I can see how’d you be frustrated with the last minute no-shows but sadly that’s a “hazard” of throwing a social function.  I’d try to let it go.  

Post # 8
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@lorie:  I think that is is very disappointing that guests rsvp’d yes and then did not show up, I would be upset too  That is rude of them and will have cost you money.  To me the no gift giving would be secondary, however, I have attended 2 weddings without giving gifts, the first one they stressed time and time again please don’t bring anything, we will be offended if people do bring them, so we just gave a card. I was a bit embarressed to see a few others gave gifts and then they opened them in front of all the guests.  The 2nd was a DW I attended overseas which involved over 24 hours flying each way, attending the wedding cost us over $7000 by the time we paid for airfares, hotel, other transportation and food.  We gave a card & no gift. We are having a DW next year, we are stressing no gifts, and we truely do not want any.  Other weddings I have attended near home usually the standard amount to spend on a gift is around $100, it used to be to considered the norm to cover the cost of 2 meals (but that will only cover one meal or less for many weddings now).

Post # 10
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@lorie:  I wouldn’t show up to a wedding empty handed. But good manners are not universal. It wouldn’t occur to me to bring a gift to a dinner party or other gathering unless it was a birthday. I wasn’t raised to write thank you notes either. I had to learn these things on my own.

Post # 11
Member
2832 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Jeez… I was not aware that giving under $50 was not acceptable! Not everyone can afford to give $100.

You don’t have a wedding to get gifts; you have a wedding to share a special moment with the ones you love.

Post # 12
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

To start : If your daughter is given $25 for a friends birthday present, you are likely in a much better financial situation then a lot of Bees on these boards. If I was an aquaintence or co-worker I would likely aim for that amount to give. A closer friend would likely get more. 

I do understand that you can not believe someone would grace your event and not even bring a card of congratulations. I do however, have to question if they brought a card with no monetary amount inside whether you would accept this as congratulations or whether you’d still be griping about their lack of financial contribution towards your eternal happiness.

Plain and simple, you hosted a celebratory reception to toast a wedding these people were not invited to. This was not a shower or a Jack and Jill in which people come assuming that a gift or money should accompany them. This was not only a PARTY, it was a party after the event. So unless you printed on the invitations “must bring gift” most people would assume that their presence to celebrate this happy time in your life was gift enough.  

And frankly…it should be.

 

Post # 13
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have no answers….I was surprised when my Mom’s old friend who I used to call “aunt” 30 years ago sent me a check for $100. I haven’t seen her in years, my Mom is no longer in contact with her..I found her on fb maybe a year ago…some people are just nice people. Some people may just not know what is deemed appropriate/the norm. Before wedding planning I wouldn’t have thought twice before showing up empty handed, especially if I had already purchased and given a gift at the bride’s shower.

 

Post # 14
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would cut people some slack. At-home receptions are very tricky situations for some people. DH and I went to one awhile ago, and while I insisted we bring a gift, it was much less than what we would have given had we been invited to a wedding. I know that to you, a hosted event is a hosted event, but other people give more or less based on circumstances.

Post # 15
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Were these people invited to your actual wedding?  

If I was invited to a coworkers home reception only I’d probably only bring a card with $25 bucks too, and I typically never give less than $100 for weddings. Frankly because I feel if you opt to have an intimate destination wedding you also waive your “claim” to a traditional gift. But I wouldnt show up completely empty handed. 

Post # 16
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@lorie:  But you did complain about the $25 gift, comparing it to what a teenager would get at a birthday party (which blows me away–I’m in my mid-20s and $25 would be an almost awkwardly generous gift from a friend at that age).

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