(Closed) Disappointed mother of the bride

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I am so sorry you had that experience. But I don’t think it is reflecting on your relationship, your daughter loves you and always will. Perhaps spend a day together going over photos, having coffee, some bonding time 🙂 *hugs*

Post # 4
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Regardless of what your daughter wanted on her wedding day, all actions have consequences. She obviously knows you and she is probably aware of the amount of pain she has caused.

 

Her actions were hurtful to you (her MOTHER, not some random person) and I don’t see why she gets a free pass to do that on her wedding day. I know some people will disagree. This is my opinion.

 

If having a totally private wedding was SO important to her then she should have tried her best to arrange something with you e.g. a mother-daughter weekend. You would have still been hurt but it may have been some consolation.

 

I’m so sorry you were left out. Usually this sort of thing happens when there are severe problems between mom and daughter but your post doesn’t suggest that.

Post # 5
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Oh, and I’m not saying that engaged couples should cater to every whim and demand of others concerning their wedding. I’m just saying that, when you DO make decisions regarding your wedding, certain decisions you make may hurt others. I would not agree that hurting your mom in this way is “worth it” to make “your” day special.

Post # 6
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh. I feel for you.*hugs*

On wedding boards I quote often see advice like, “The wedding is only about the bride and groom, do what you want”. I wonder how often the people saying this are mothers themselves. As a mother of teenagers, I try to chime in to at least include those for whom the wedding is really important: immediate family and grandparents.

Post # 7
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

🙁 I’m so sorry that you weren’t able to have the day with your daughter that you’ve no doubt envisioned for years. That is very hard. While we considered a DW to ease the financial burden of planning a wedding, I couldn’t bring myself to only have a few (if any) friends and family there to share our day. Is your daughter willing to have a celebration with family when she returns?

Post # 8
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@londoner61:  I’m sorry you’re so sad.

Just to give you another point of view I’ll tell you why mY DH & I eloped a week ago even though we both have WONDERFUL relationships with all our family members. I admist it would have been nice to have my mom be present but we chose to have 4 friends instead.

Reason 1: Our elopement was so laid back it would have driven our families insane, which would had stressed us out in the end. We ran late for everything and it was a fly by the seat of our pants kind of day. 100% our thing, 100% not our parents.

#2. If we invited parents we would have had to invite grandparents. It’s just how our family is. Then of couse we couldn’t leave out our siblings, we each have only one. Plus thier SO’s. The list just keeps snowballing.

#3. We wanted it to be small, and to be honest only about us. We didn’t want to have to worry about seating, who can eat what, etc. etc. We wanted to be selfish and only think about us on our day. The people we had attend we go with the flow, o questions, no drama type people.

I just really want to say that don’t let your daughter’s elopement define your relationship. Maybe she just wanted to be selfish for one day, and if you can’t do it on your wedding day when can you?

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