Post # 1
I am not sure what I really want out of this post, but here it goes anyway.
I had my first serious “I-think-he’s-going-to-propose” day yesterday and it felt awful.
Fast history: We have been dating for 7 years. He finally graduated as I started going back to school (2nd degree) and got a REALLY high paying job. We have discussed getting married in the next 1 1/2-2 years and moving in together when my lease runs out next year. He even hinted (months ago) that he has been looking at rings.
Cut to a few days ago where he asks me, out of the blue, if I would like to go to the botanical gardens. He is not really into that sort of thing. We have lived in this city for two years and done EVERYTHING except go there because it’s not that interesting to us. Plus we NEVER do things on weekdays because we are both busy, but he had the day off and I decided that I could probably hold off studying just this once. So I was thinking that this must be it– the big one! AAAAAaaand nothing 🙁
I asked him later why he thought of it(/wondering what on Earth possessed him to go somewhere he tried to actively avoid going when his mom last visited). His response? “because I drove past it on the way to work yesterday.”
It just feels really pathetic to be waiting on him like this. I know there are lots of ladies in this same situation, but I just wish that I could be one of the lucky ones whose man surprises them by proposing without this ugly waiting period.
Post # 3
@nottoocool4school: you sound just like me! a few weeks ago my SO just randomly wanted to go to an event at a park that we frequented when we first dated. It is gorgeous, and I thought for SURE all day it would be it! It is hard not to show your disappointment! I have been waiting since I tried on rings in June (i actually kind of hoped he’s propose IN Tiffany!) and I never thought I would make it this far- but here I am! It hasn’t been easy- i just keep telling myself it will be worth it!
Post # 4
@nottoocool4school: First of all, hello!
Second of all, I have a few thoughts here:
1) Maybe he was wanting to see if you liked that place. Maybe you’ve never been, not together, and he wanted to see if you oooohed and awwweed about having a favorite flower or spot that he could plan a proposal for.
2) Maybe he got nervous. It helps me to read the proposals section…you’d be surprised how many proposals are not huge made for movie moments and not because the guy doesn’t want them to be, but because they get nervous. This always helps me everytime I *think* something is about to happen and it doesn’t. This is a big moment for him.
3) Don’t feel pathetic!! I’ve been waiting, and I’m older, and I’m sooo ready. But, I know that this is a very important moment for my SO too, he wants it done right and knowing that it’s coming (your guy has been talking about rings!) is helpful.
I do feel you on wanting to be among the lucky ones…you weren’t even thinking about marriage and BAM!!! But….I feel fortunate to be apart of this process. I have changed so many things about my thinking and my approach to my relationship, to life, and once you learn to deal with it, your confidence will skyrocket!!
Good luck, hang in there! We’re here for you!!
Post # 5
This was me on Valentines Day this year, he did it up special and nice, and I was like- this is it!!!! Nope!! Had to wait another month after that, worth it though in the end, I swear!
Post # 6
Maybe he was testing the waters to see your reaction and knew you’d be expecting it? Or maybe he got nervous? Hang in there, it’ll happen soon.
Post # 7
@nottoocool4school: Don’t feel pathetic. Most of us waiting bees feel this way at some point or another. Unusual dates have to be “it,” right? Nope. *Cue disappointment and mental face palm.* Many people will say that the easiest way to avoid disappointment is to avoid having expectations. The idea is in our heads from the moment that we know that the proposal is coming withen the forseeable future. Somewhere withen our throughts it will be present until it happens.
The best advice that I can give, and to try to take myself, is to give yourself a pep talk before every date (no matter how out of the ordinary), stating: “I love my significant other, and I will enjoy this date with him for what it is; time together. This is enough to make me happy without extra significance.”
On my last date, it worked. I noticed the little nice gentleman-ly things that he did like opening the car door for me, holding my hand in the car, and so forth. I was able to enjoy the date without disappointment following.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone!! It feels so much better to know I’m not alone (God, I love the Bee)
As an aside, I ordinarily wouldn’t expect a big proposal. He’s a quiet guy and neither of us love being the center of attention, which actually added more fuel to the fire in this case because we went at ~3pm on a weekday so we were the only ones there! It’s like no matter what the situation was, my imagination was going to produce all the signs that he was going to propose. And in the back of my mind, I had a healthy amount of doubt that it was anything, but my imagination quashed that right down too.