Post # 1
This is a bit of a vent, hope you don’t mind listening. So we’re a month and a half away from our wedding. FI has pretty much refused to plan anything – giving me a max. 10 minute, bi-weekly window to discuss plans. Like most FIs I imagine? Problem is, he actually had a big vision for our wedding, just never wants to plan anything. EVER. He’s super picky too. We’ve been engaged for a year and half and planning anything with him is like pulling a mule through water. That said, it took almost 8 months to pick a venue and we pretty much settled for whatever was out there. He never wanted to discuss the vision of the day, and when I tried to talk, he’d shut me down saying “weddings are girl stuff – talk to your friends.” He wasn’t trying to be a dick, but inadventrly, acted like a dick for pretty much the whole thing. What was important to me was being able to invite who I wanted without having parents dictate the guestlist and absolutely NOT having a standard hotel wedding. Guess what we’re doing in a 6 weeks? Inviting people whose last names I don’t even know (and couldn’t pick out of a police line up) and we’re doing it all at a boring corporate looking hotel! YAY //sarcasm. I really don’t want to go into the wedding day thinking “sigh, it could have been SOOOOO much better” but I’m going into it with that attitude. It is literally the exact opposite of everything I ever wanted. Anyone else out there in the same/similar boat? How are you prepping yourself for it? Any words of advise or slap in the face would help! <br /><br />XO
Post # 2
my DH only cared about 2 things, the music and the food. i took care of everything else with my mom. he did come to the final venue that we selected but he didn’t come to the 10 other venues i looked at. there was no point.
then i gave DH tasks. one of which, he created the wedding program because he likes to do that stuff.
i think you should have had a heart to heart at the beginning of the process and discuss expectations and what you are doing.
i am very sorry that you are not having the wedding you envisioned.
why did you select this “corporate” venue then?
Post # 3
We had to! It was the only place left in our area…. apart from other equally bad options. I even suggested doing it at my parents house in California (which would have been a DREAM) but no… he didn’t want the hassle… I suggested Montreal (two hours away)… again, he thought it was too much effort…. we’re just stuck and I’m so not looking forward to the wedding. I’m psyched to be married to him, but I honestly could not care less about the next 6 weeks…. feeling like a brat. Effing men! 🙂
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
FabBride2016: I’m really sorry you are seemingly planning this on your own. How did things get booked and people get invited without your consent? Were you afraid to speak up or maybe didn’t feel supported?
Post # 5
I guess I don’t understand why you chose this venue? It sounds like your fi didn’t really have a hand in any of the planning, so why choose it?
My fi helped with very little, he did help me pick out things such as the food, music, and silly little things such as a cigar bar & photobooth. He also picked out smaller details such as the bathroom baskets & cake topper.
When it came to the venue & theme, that was all me. So I chose what I loved, asking his opinion of course but he didn’t care WHERE we got married as long as we got married.
Post # 6
FabBride2016: I feel your pain. We are 8 weeks from the wedding and I have done 99.5% of the planning myself. He only saw one venue with me ( I only went to look at 4!), I have booked every vendor alone…its so frustrating. I wish we had stuck with our original DW plan to Key West but that would have been an even bigger nightmare to plan alone.
Hang in there, just try to make it through the next few weeks and hopefully enjoy your wedding! Maybe just focus on the things you do like/are looking forward too ( dancing, your dress ect)
Post # 7
Didn’t feel supported…. we originally had a restaurant booked for 120 people…. then he hated the lighting in there and felt it was too big of a group. So we cancelled (6 mos out) and there was nothing in our price range left except this hotel. We cut our guest list, and intended on 40 guests (the room at the hotel for 40 is actually quite nice)…. and then he ‘accidentally’ invited 20 extra people (invites already sent out and everyone has rsvp’d yes) and now that room for 40 doesn’t fit, so we’re stuck with their corporate ballroom.
Post # 8
FabBride2016: I was kind of in the same boat…my FI is the same way, he does not want to talk about wedding stuff. So I gave him the honeymoon plans to do.
I wanted a really nice reception and my mom wanted to accomodate our guests and have it at a hotel. Guess who won…my mom. I still got to pick which place I wanted, and rather than going over the top I picked a small hotel next to our ceremony. It isn’t the most elaborate hotel by any means, and the reception hall inside is dated but with all the lighting and the centerpieces we got I know it will be great.
Keep an open mind. It may not be what you have in mind right now but you need make the most of it. You will look gorgeous and your FI will be super excited to see you, and just have fun and dance the night away. That hotel won’t seem so blah if you are too busy mingling with everyone and smooching your new husband! Plus your guests aren’t going to look back on the hotel, they are going to look back on how much fun they had.
Post # 9
It sounds like there was alot of poor planning involved.. booking locations you two didn’t like, cancelling, and having to go with somewhere you didn’t love.. inviting more people than it could hold.
At this point, I would make the best of the situation, and maybe in the future have a vow renewal [5, 10 years from now?] and make it into YOUR vision.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF
First of all, I’m sure your wedding will be fantastic. The venue and guest list may not be perfect, but it sounds like what you really care about is being married and I think that’s great (especially after reading posts with girls flying off the handle that the centerpieces were 2 inches off center).
My FI is the complete opposite of yours when it comes to planning the wedding; he’s always really helpful and reminds me to follow up with venues and vendors. He does give me a lot of leeway to do what’ll make me happy but I think things are made easier by the fact that we both have similar, if not the same, visions with regards to what we want.
That being said, do you think that your FI will display similar behavior towards other things involving planning (house buying, having children, savings, etc)? It would drive me crazy and I really don’t think it’s fair that your wedding dreams ended up so far off the mark because he wouldn’t communicate. At this point, all I can say is that I would talk to him and explain that there are only 6 weeks left. While you can talk to your girlfriends, the day is ultimately about you and him and he should really be there to support you in these days leading up. In the future, I’d personally recommend taking the time to outline your expectations regarding his involvement before things get started.
Good luck and have a great wedding!
Post # 11
Ugh. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m dealing with a rather picky FI as well who doesn’t want to/has zero time to put any effort into this.
IE. Yesterday I went to go meet with an invitation designer, and ended up deciding to let go of a super floral looking invite and doing something more typography heavy. I figured my FI would be happy with this as it’s not something that is super girly. When I got home, I was all excited to show him some of the pieces that inspired the invitation design and he basically scoffed at me saying “you should get a real designer to put this together not just some wedding invitation lady who is copying ideas and won’t be able to execute it properly. I know of designers that you can pay $250 for a good design” So, when I ask him to provide me with names he just sends me some link to a website.
He doesn’t realize that this woman isn’t just designing the invitation, she’s doing everything from envelopes to calligraphy, etc. He doesn’t seem to understand that this isn’t just about printing out something on a piece of paper at Kinkos, there is a whole suite that has to be put together.
He also thinks it’s ridiculous that we’re trying to book vendors 8 months in advance. He thinks it can wait until 2 months before. . . .
Try to stay strong and not stress. I’ve just started to smile and nod, and move on with the wedding planning.
Post # 12
liameowchelle: +1. OP, all that you have said here about your FI would give me pause in considering having a long term relationship, let alone marrying someone.
Post # 13
OMGMrsW2B: Oh I feel that pain! He has strong opinions about everything but doesn’t seem to want to pay for anything? For example, he wanted great food + open bar, so we got a quote from the venue (for 40 people) and now that the list has risen to 65 the SHOCK he is expressing that the quote went up. He wants beautiful florals, but when we get quotes from florists, its “We can do better”…. and offers no help in ‘doing better’ just assumes because I’m a woman I have magical powers that get me discounts on wedding vendors I’ve never met before? UGH. MEN. STOP IT.
Post # 14
HannahGrace: hahaha, no. 🙂 I have no worries about the relationship. I’m am beyond stoked to be married to him, he’s my best friend and we were friends for 5 years before even going on a date. We’ve travelled the world together, bought cars, are buying a house… no real issues to report… except this dickish attitude towards the wedding. I guess I just needed to vent a little and maybe get a tip or two about putting on a brave face when you know you’re not getting what you want…
Post # 15
Do you have elements/decor that you like that will make it feel less than a corporate ballroom?