(Closed) Disappointing engagement . . .

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Awwwwww I’m so sorry Hunny! No yaha have every right to feel that way and I would to if my Mr. X-ray had acted like that about a huge commitment like that especially if u have theattitude like ur saying not abouthree size or cost butthe effort. Hasshe even talked about any other wedding plans or has it completely stopped after he gotthe temp ring??? Don’t worry girl ur in the right place for support anwhere here for ya to lean on! 

Post # 5
Member
1989 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You really need to talk about it with him.  Tell him you don’t mean to offend him or anything, but you are confused but you originally talked about a different plan and now you feel like he’s changing it without consulting you.  If its something that is bothering you now, it will keep bothering you.  You need to talk about it with the man you want to spend your life with.  Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsNerdy: Ditto. OP, you need to talk to him otherwise it will continue to bother you and you may even grow to resent him over this. If this is a misunderstanding or a break down in communication, it’s best to resolve this ASAP before it starts impacting your relationship negatively. Also, it doesn’t make you a bad person to want to be able to wear a ring that you like/love. Yes, it’s the sentiment that counts but you’re going to be wearing that ring for the rest of your life so it might as well be the aesthetic that you love.

Post # 7
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you didn’t really like your “temporary” ring then why did you let him buy it? I think you should have waited from the start.  But he gave you his word and he does need try his best and work on getting you a ring that you love.  Maybe you should try a different approach and suggest that you want to start looking at rings again.  I feel like that way you won’t be straight out telling him what he is doing wrong, so he won’t get defensive and refuse to talk about it again. IDK just a suggestion.

Post # 8
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

The only relationship advice ever worth listening to is: use your words.

Post # 9
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Some guys just aren’t typically romantic. Is he normally romantic? If the answer is no then why did you expect him to be anything different about his proposal?

 

In my opinion guys who organise elaborate proposals arent all that anyway. I wouldn’t want him jumping out of an aeroplane for me or anything like that. My guy turned to me in bed and just said it and it was so sweet and it came right from his heart and when I get my ring he will get down on one knee but in the meantime I am happy to wait as long as it takes for that moment. I don’t have a temporary ring, I don’t want or need one, I just don’t get why some girls want that? 

Post # 11
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I am also thinking since he bought you the “temporary” ring, he feels that’s enough, so if you mention looking at rings again… maybe he will say “I already got you one or what’s wrong with this one?” That should give you a clue about how he thinks of the temporary ring, and his motive in giving you a “temporary” ring. It probably wasn’t so temporary after all….

Post # 12
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Irish-bride:  “I just don’t get why some girls want that?”

I don’t know what you’re asking.  You don’t know why some girls want a planned out proposal?  Or a temporary ring?

Either way, I respectfully disagree.  If a person doesn’t have the forethought to either save up money for a ring or plan a proposal, how do you know he’s given the marriage/wedding/your future together much forethought either?  While I don’t think people need to do anything crazy extravagent, it should be something more than a proposal on the whim or fleeting thought.  I don’t think it should be taken lightly at all.

Post # 13
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Are you sure you want to marry a guy who couldn’t even put five minutes worth of thought into his proposal and doesn’t seem to notice or care that it upset you? Will he give just as little effort towards your marriage or helping to raise a family or supporting you through any major life crises? For me, it would be a deal breaker. No, I’m not being shallow- I think the lack of preparation and care is symbolic of bigger character flaws that I wouldn’t tolerate in the long term. Just my two cents.

Post # 14
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Irish-bride:  That’s a little harsh – there are a lot of traditions that are meaningless to me, but I don’t berate people for their choices.

 

@anniemay:  I second what previous posters said – when your fiance makes comments that imply your ‘temporary’ ring is now your permanent ring, perhaps try calling him out on it (in a non-confrontational way, of course), and explaining why you feel you need to change the ring and how you can go about doing that.

Of course, always try and be as non-confrontational as possible – rather than saying “You need to buy a new ring,” try “I feel like it’s time to start looking at new engagement rings.”

Good luck! I hope it all works out for you! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Bazingau:  I think she was talking about girls wanting a temporary ring.  Well, that’s what I got from it and I agree with her on that. Personally, I would have waited until I found the ring of my dreams and not settled for an OK ring for the time being.  But that is my opinion, aside from that, I definitely do believe that he should have waited and prepared to pop the question. I’m sure she deserves better than that.

Post # 16
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It’s not harsh at all. Do girls really need an elaborate proposal to feel special or loved, seriously?  Aren’t the words “Will you marry me” enough to show he wants to spend the rest of his life with you? Romance doesn’t have to be big and flashy, it can be subtle and more often than not, that’s how engagements happen in a subtle way.

 

No offence to girls who got the whole big proposal thing, but there are reasons why some guys don’t take that approach. 1) It’s just not their normal style, 2) They don’t like drawing too much attention to themselves 3) They are afraid of you saying no (yes that has happened) 4) They don’t have a lot of money and 5) They think you might not want a big fuss either. There are loads more reasons I’m sure, those are just a few.

Personally I would be more disappointed if the guy I had spent the last few years with and who I truly loved never asked me at all. There’s loads of girls on here who just want to hear those special words that were said to the OP. He asked and he will marry you and you love each other and that’s what is important. 

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