Disappointing proposal?

posted 3 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Oh lordy. I get why she might have been having a crappy day, but did you explain to her how you DID jump through hoops? I would tell her the story as you told it to us. Does she know you tried to do something super romantic but it just seemed to not work out that way?

I don’t think that a proposal needs to be elaborate, and I think she’s being a bit of a brat. I will never understand why a proposal has to be such a big deal. It’s a few moments in time!

Post # 4
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@kbowen0188:  First of all, welcome to the bee and congrats on your engagement!!

Waiting can be very hard a woman (as a woman I know), and sometimes we forget just how hard it can be for a man.  Once we meet the right guy and we talk about marriage and know that we are on the same page, there is one thing holding us up–the man and his timeline for asking! 

I can understand wanting a big proposal, I mean, I’ve been waiting and I can only dream of how it might go down, but I hear sooo many proposals that just happen in bed or at home and there are other plans in place to go to a nice resturant or nice vacation and life just throws a curveball for it and it jsut doesn’t work out that way.

At the end of the day, you are now both engaged, and she should really focus on being happy.  It’s too late to go back so all you can do is move forward and hopefully she will not give you a hard time about it not being elaborate. 

Congrats again!

Post # 5
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Even though I think she is being a tad irrational, you shot yourself in the foot when you talked up a big proposal and didn’t produce.

Unfortunately it’s one of those things you cannot do over, really. Making yourself sick over something that is already in the past isn’t going to change what happened.

Give yourselves a couple of days and then talk about the good that lies ahead – wedding planning.


Post # 6
4140 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you should honestly tell her that you had all of this planned out and tell her how fate conspired against you. Then plan a surprise for her one night. Plan a big romantic evening and surprise her at the end with a hand written note about how you can’t wait for her to be your wife etc. An engagement doesn’t have to be the only grand gesture. I think it will mean a lot to her. I think it’s so sweet how hard you tried honestly. My now husband ran into a lot of issues similar to yours, timing and stuff. We girls get this big, romantic, over the top idea in our heads about being proposed to. It’s kind of silly actually. 

Post # 7
6457 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly, I think the way you did it was very sweet. I think that people put way to much thought into a big movie proposal and forget that at the end of the day you are engaged and should be happy about it. My heart goes out to all the guys that are told that the proposal was disappointing because it sounds like it’s very nerve wracking to ask someone to marry you and to plan something!

Post # 8
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@kbowen0188:  I would tell her the whole story and laugh about it with her. Reaity is never the movies and sometimes we build up the dreams too much and its disapointing when it doesnt match up. I know I didn’t like my ring from the proposal and I had left hints everywhere so I spent the evening and night (while super excited) really nervous about how i was going to tell him i didn’t like it. He was totally fine with it when i told him the next day, but it sucked that I was so worried about it that night. 

I think its good to let her know all the little things that went wrong that you wanted to do – those are the cute funny things she can tell her friends. Also, when we got my new ring we went on an engagment celebration night and went back to the same place and went to the dinner i said i couldn’t eat that night cuz i was too excited and my stomach was in too many knots. That night was a perfect way to top it all off. But at the end of the day you love her and that is all that matters. I knew that and was mostly just happy at how excited my husband was when he proposed. 🙂 

Post # 9
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I just got engaged this weekend and it was a bit similar (my fiance had planned something different but I went awry and he decided to just do it spontaneously in the parking lot where I work. It may not have been what I pictured, but I was so surprised (I wouldn’t have been if his plan had gone through and he’d done it when I expected) . I kept saying “I’m so surprised, I can’t believe this is happening right now” and he said “honestly, I’m surprised tjis I’d happening right now too” because it wasn’t what he planned. It was perfect though, because I’m engaged to the man of my dreams.

Maybe arrange a special date next weekend to celebrate your engagement and tell her how excited you are to marry her? Then she’ll get a romantic moment. If you give her time the way you proposed will seem less important. I thought it was sweet but I understand it wasn’t what she had in her head.

Congrats on your engagement!! 

Post # 10
6700 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think a proposal has to be big and elaborate, at all.  In fact, the whole “ask” has become something elevated to ridiculous proportions, IMO.   “Simple” is fine but proposing in between tears and dirty dishes “in the midst of sadness and anger” would not sit well and  does not strike me as either symbolic, romantic OR sweet.  It is unfortunate that your FI had the melt down when the day didn’t go according to her expectations, and I understand your urge to make it right,  but I just think it was very poor timing for a proposal and the wrong thing to do.

You may have to make this one up to her, somehow,  but I’m sure you’ll both laugh about it one day.  Congrats on the engagement.

Post # 11
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

It sounds like you did your best to make it something special, but she thinks this happened…

You had no intention of poping the question, but since she cried you did it.

So she thought you were being thoughtless, when in actuallity you were doing your best.
The moment of proposal has been build into younge women’s minds as “the most romatical moment ever!”
So if you don’t sing or dance, it makes us feel like you didn’t even try.

Just explain to her everything you tried to do. Eventually, she will realize it doesn’t matter and that she is lucky to be with you.
Good luck 🙂

Post # 12
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@canarydiamond:  +1 to all of that. Try to explain and if she still dosent understand. Point out that she is being a brat and needs to grow up before the wedding because no matter how much planning you do its never going to be pefect and you dont want her disapointed in that too.

Post # 13
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Just tell her what you told us.  It sounds like she got so wrapped up in hyping the moment to herself that she was oblivious to what you were going through.  Explain that you really did have more romantic plans and it didn’t work out.  Perhaps next weekend you guys can go on a romantic date.  How about a nice picnic at the park you wanted to propose?  It won’t be the same, but it’ll be a nice close-to-proposal outing for you guys.

Post # 14
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If you asked me to do my least favorite chore on my birthday I would be peeved too.


I don’t know about her but I always get a little introspective around my birthday.  So its possible that she was thinking another year has passed and I’m still in the same place.  I’ve personally been in that place before. 


I suggest taking her on that walk and have a sweet talk about your past and your dreams of the future.

Post # 15
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@kbowen0188:  My FI would be stressed & probably do the same thing you did! It’s ok, just explain it to her, and I’m sure she’ll understand once she thinks it through. The perfect proposal is nowhere near as important as having the perfect man (for her) propose. =)

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors