Post # 1
This weekend I brought up having to save all my vacation and sick time between now and spring 2016 if I wanted to take 12 weeks of paid maternity leave. I’m in my mid-30s, he’s in his early 40s. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years. He moved an hour away for work a year ago. Because of my housing situation I cannot move to be with him for two more years.
A month ago he’d agreed to start trying for a baby sometime next year. When he was visiting this weekend he told me he wants to hold off on the wedding/baby until after we’re living together. In Another Two Years!
He has no problem getting engaged in the near future. He even asked me if I wouldn’t mind a long engagement. I know that’s coming within the next year at least, but my biological clock has started ticking in my ears. I don’t feel like I should wait another 2 whole years to start trying for a baby. By then I’ll be in my late 30s. If we started trying next summer, I’d be able to move in with him before the baby was due. I don’t want a huge wedding. A civil ceremony would be just fine with me and we could do it at any time.
I told him all of this, including my feeling that I shouldn’t wait, but he still wants to wait on everything. I can see the logic in waiting, but I’m so disappointed. Two years seems like an eternity. I feel like my life is on hold. Anyway, just wanted to rant a while. I plan on bringing the topic up again in the fall. I think he has to compromise on this, seriously.
Should I ask him to reconsider or am I just being impatient?
Post # 2
twineknots: Maybe he wants to live with you during the pregnancy? Is there anyway that you two could move in together before the 2 year mark? Or maybe start trying within a year and move in together as soon as you get pregnant? I agree that you should start trying soon if you want a baby, although there are plenty of moms that have their babies in their late 30s. Hopefully he will understand this and reconsider.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Two years isn’t an eternity, unless you make it that. Find ways to fill your time and make them good years. Don’t rush him if he’s not ready. It’s better to be patient until he is ready and excited about the prospect of making this huge change to his life than to rush him, deal with his hesitations, and deal with the aftereffects of being in over his head and not pleased about it.
Post # 4
housebee: No, there is no way we can move in together until spring 2016. I own a house and have to live in it until I’m allowed to sell it in two years. Contractually obligated. It sucks.
Post # 5
It sounds like he’s not ready, and although compromise might sound like what you would be doing for you, to him, it will seem like you are pushing him and sometimes that drives men further away. My SO is 43 and until october of last year, he wasnt ready for marriage or children, even though we talked about it for the past year. We’re a little different in that he was married and divorced in his early 20s. He decided that it wasnt going to happen for him again. and even after we dated, it took him 1.75 years to actually say thats what he wanted, and that it was what he wanted with me! We’ve been together for about 2.5 years and it still hasnt happened but i know it will when he’s ready.
Post # 6
twineknots: I don’t think you are being unreasonable or inconsiderable, why are his concerns more important than your very real, very important concerns about your fertility?
Post # 7
twineknots: Could he move in with you?
Post # 8
Personally, I wouldn’t want to have a baby (on purpose) with someone I wasn’t even engaged to or living with. I know it happens in “oops” circumstances, but I wouldnt want to do that on purpose.
Post # 9
Honestly, I think it makes a lot more sense to wait. I can’t imagine going through pregnancy in separate homes going smoothly or trying to move and get settled in and adjust to living together and getting married all while on the brink of having a newborn. That sounds extremely messy and not a situation I would put myself in on purpose. Your SO sounds like he is being rational. It doesn’t mean he’s stalling or not ready.
Post # 10
I sent him a counterproposal. I’d agree to wait on the baby, but I told him I wanted to get married before I sell my house in 2016. I’n not going to move in with him before I had that, at least. I also told him a long (1.5-2 years) engagement would be fine with me. He said that sounded reasonable.
I guess I have a timeline, though I don’t expect a proposal until after our two-year anniversary in September. I feel better, but still worried that being 38 will make it near impossible for me to conceive. Now I just have to keep my mother off my back about it. Grandkids!
Post # 11
I can understand your frustrration as we all well aware of the biological clock. I worry too sometimes… but I’m still being hopeful
I have a girlfriend who TTC at 40 and had her first baby at 41. Now that she is still on mat leave, she is two months pregnant.. (not intented) I was shock on how easy she got pregnant this time as I know she spend so much money on the shoot when she TTC the first time …and she told me only one of her ovary produce egg …..