Post # 1
I just wandered how you cope with disaproving members of the family. When I told my nan about mine and my FI;s engagement the mere words she spoke were: “ohhh…are you sure?” and “mmm…well ok then”. Then she put the phone down…
I honestly wouldn’t be that upset but my cousin got married in the summer and she was so excited about her wedding and paid for 75% of it (not that I want or need her money).
Honestly I just feel so left out and let down and it completely ruined what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life!
Any advice greatly recieved..
Post # 3
Aww she could just be having an “off” day. Try not to take it personally.
Post # 4
I had the same reaction from both my sets of grandparents whilst everyone else has been completely over excited. When I told my grandpa he responded with “oh. You’re very young…. are you sure?”. Apparently my mum spoke to him afterwards and pointed out we are in our mid-twenties which is a perfectly normal age. I think he still imagined me to be about 12 haha. My other grandparents literally said exactly the same as your nan!
In my case I haven’t let it get to me as I know they love me and that’s all that matters. I figure they will start getting excited as soon as the proper planning starts and even if they don’t I will be happy so long as they are with us on our special day.
Has your nan had a chance to get to know your FI? Sometimes that can have an influence on relatives reactions…
Post # 5
Oh also, could she have been really suprised by the news? She may have just been at a loss for words
Post # 6
I just went round my nan’s and the first thing she said was “I had a dream the other day that you told me you was engaged and it really upset me”.
I promptly took my ring off 🙁
I think she has dementia or something like that… 🙁
Post # 7
@MissLOVELOVE: oh bless you!
stay strong – grand parents are of that old skool generation that don’t really take peoples feelings into consideration!
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Did you ask her why it upset her? I second PP’s question, does she even know your FI?
@lookingglass: ditto her response about older generations sometimes not thinking about your feelings
Post # 9
Has she mentioned in the past that she doesn’t like your FI? Is this out of character for her in terms of your relationship?
Post # 10
@MissLOVELOVE: that’s sad. Stay strong and do your best, but do not take your ring off, let her see it so she knows it wasn’t a dream.
Post # 11
Have you and your Fiance been together long? Maybe she just thinks that you’ve been together so long that you are as good as married already. Or maybe she just genuinely prefers your cousin to you, or your cousin’s Darling Husband to your Fiance. That would be crappy, but it happens, everyone has favourite relatives. Try not to let it get to you.
Post # 12
@MissLOVELOVE: How about instead of taking your ring off and essentially lying to your grandmother, you keep the ring on, and explain that you are engaged…? Then see why she’s upset about it. Jumping to the conclusion that she has dementia is a little extreme. How old is she?
Post # 13
FIs Grandma said this to Future Sister-In-Law last year. “You were so beautiful when you were younger. I mean, now your beauty is on the inside, but back then you were gorgeous!”
FIs sister has put on a lot of weight in the past few years…. these people just have no idea what is polite and what isn’t!
Post # 14
Ask her why she was upset. She might just be having a difficult time accepting the fact that you are grown up.
Post # 15
I noticed that the older my grandparents got – the less they filtered themselves. If your gma thought it was a dream, then maybe she does have some memory loss. I know that its upsetting but dont take it personal. When my granny was alive, she wrote down my boyfriends name and hid it under the placemat in the kitchen so she could look at it and remember who he even was… haha… and I dated him for nearly five years.
Post # 16
My grandmother’s common law husband said the same thing (we don’t really get along.) I thought he would be so excited since he loved my Fiance.
My grandparents said the same thing too. I was too young and they didn’t think this was the best choice. I think they all still think of me as this little little girl when I’m actually all grown up now and out of college, working, etc..
Maybe you should put your ring back on, sit down and have a conversation with her. See whats up. Maybe there was something your nan was expecting before he proposed and she missed it, or there is a miscommunication here, she doesn’t know him very well, she wanted to be there and witness the proposal.. etc. It’s best to work it out now, than several weeks/months down the road.