- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2014
FI is very close with his family. I had a great relationship with FILs before we got engaged (we dated for 5 years and spend a lot of time with them). I still have a great relationship with them, as long as the subject of the conversation is not the wedding!
At first I was really excited to talk about wedding topics with them. However, it’s now been 6 months and I’m at the point where if FMIL brings up anything wedding-related, my blood starts to boil. I tense up, give a vague answer, and then change the subject.
Why do I do this? Because FMIL has a very different vision for our wedding day. She likes everything to be very proper and fancy. That’s not who we are. Any topic that comes up, she flat out tells us how she thinks it should be, like that’s the only way. She even told us what song she wants us to have for our first dance! She is not shy about telling me she doesn’t like choices I’ve made. It’s not like she’s acidly scathing about it, she just wrinkles her nose and says “I don’t like it.” We have very different taste I guess.
I’m a sensitive soul, so her un-sugar-coated comments have really discouraged me from sharing wedding plans with her anymore. But my question to you is will I regret it? This is such a special time to spend with FI and our families, and I feel guiltly shutting FILs out from the planning process. Sharing ideas, getting excited, creating a day that everyone looks forward to!! As of now, there’s a fair amount of tension surrounding the big day, and I really do not want it to be that way! I want the day to be full of joy for everyone!
I want to be able to talk openly and happily about the wedding with FILs, include them in the planning process, and enjoy this whole planning period with them. It’s important to me and it’s important to FI that I have a great relationship with them, and isn’t the wedding is an important part of that? I feel like how we all behave through the wedding planning process is a strong indicator for how things will be when future events happen, like little ones! I want our family to be full of love and understanding throughout times like this. I do not want any bitterness or ill-will between us, about anything.
So my plan is: if wedding topics come up in coversation with FILs I will not tense up! I will share our plans proudly and with a smile! If they disapprove, I will make some “to each his own” comment, and try not to be hurt. I really just need to not be so sensitive!!
Anyways, I really just needed to type that out to think things through for myself. Thanks for reading. If anyone has any comments/recommendations/support it would be most appreciated 🙂