Post # 1
PSA: This is not a debate on whether you think circumcision is right, wrong, for the world or your own situation. This is a thread of me asking the how discussions happened between lady bee’s and their hubbies about circumcision when one wanted it or not.
Have any of you bees experienced discussions with your hubby about circumcision, where you wanted it and he didn’t? How did you approach things? I’ve heard from people “there’s no medical proof that one is better than the other” and whatnot.
I’m curious to see what other people experienced, and if the baby did get/will be getting circumcised how did you help your hubby come to terms with it when he didn’t want it during initial discussions.
Post # 3
IMO, since your husband is the only one in the couple who knows what it is like growing up with, living with, and taking care of a penis – he gets the final say in the circumcision discussion.
Post # 4
I don’t really have a view either way, I’d be fine with either for a future son. So I’ll let DH decide since, as @FutureKMM said, he’s the one who knows what the decision entails.
Post # 5
We don’t have a son, so we haven’t had this particular disagreement; however, I think all parents have gone through something similar. It’s kinda natural for you to disagree on something when raising children together. No two people think exactly the same about everything.
What we do is try to gauge how important the issue is to both of us. Maybe one of you feels very strongly about circumcision, and the other person isn’t quite as passionate about the subject. That’s an easy area to compromise in for the person who doesn’t feel as strongly, since there will probably be an issue in the future where the roles are reversed, and then the other person can compromise.
My husband and I do have one subject we both feel really passionately about that we just can’t seem to compromise on, and our agreement on that subject is, that whoever “wins” has to deal with the consequences. For example, in the issue of circumcision, if you won, it would be your “job” to be with your son at the circumcision (instead of your husband), your job to keep his genitals clean and protected during the healing process, etc… If he won, it would be his job to teach your son how to clean himself properly, etc… Maybe an agreement like this would be helpful?
Post # 6
Luckily, my husband and I are on the same page – however, if we weren’t. I would ask that we both present our logic/reason for wanting one over the other to start a dialog. Ultimately, there are other battles that I would rather chose to fight in the long-run, so I would probably let my husband’s decision be final. But, not without us both understanding each others position and reasoning.
Post # 7
my husband is against it and I didn’t care either way.
but after he and I had that discussion, I heard on NPR that being circumcized can cut way down on a guy’s chances of HIV infection. I would do anything to protect my kids futures. If I had a boy, I think I would argue for it now!
Post # 8
I told DH he gets the final say, because as PP’s pointed out, he knows what it’s like to have a penis and I do not.
DH is circumcised, but has talked about not circumcising our hypothetical future sons. However, he is leaning towards doing it just because he would be just as in the dark as I am about caring for and teaching our sons how to care for an uncircumcised penis.
Ultimately, though, this is one area where DH gets the final say. I do see both sides, and would lean towards getting it done, but it’s really up to him.
Post # 9
I think this is an interesting thread and I like that it is not intended to sway anyone. That being said, we’ve had this discussion and we don’t even plan to have kids for at least 2 more years. DH is very much against circumcision and I always assumed it was the standard thing to do. At first I disagreed with his view based on cleanliness issues and then I did some research and realized it’s not so difficult to maintain and there is really no reason to cut skin off of a baby like that. Ultimately, I defer to him for the same reasons other PPs mentioned (he has lived with a penis for 30 years). He is uncircumcised and never had a problem with hygene so I have agreed that we I’ll support his decision to not circumcise any future children. As an adult, I must admit, once I got over the initial shock of the foreskin, I like that he is uncircumcised and that may make me feel better about the decision in some way as well.
Post # 10
Like Mrs Spring, we tend to compromise based on who feels more strongly about something. We’ll talk about it, give our reasons for thinking one way or another, then after talking about it, we guage who feels more strongly about it. We tend to pick our battles, and in our relationship, I feel comfortable with him making the “boy” decisions and he feels comfortable with me making the “girl” decisions. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with him choosing tampons or maxi for our DD, since he has no idea what he’s talking about and I feel like it’s the same for circumcision. That is so out of my arena, I’ll let him field it.
Post # 11
@Mrs. Spring: This is essentially what we do too. Our main issue is CIO/sleep training, and while we’re both pretty adamant about our positions, I am less willing to budge, so DH mainly sucks it up and lets me have my way, and I deal with the majority of the challenges that come with my way.
Post # 12
I kinda figured circumcision was the norm and thats what I’d end up doing with hypothetical future babies. But then I met my husband who is natural and super against circumcision. He cared a lot more but also convinced me with his reasoning.
Post # 13
Our convo went easy. The pediatrician reccomended that we circumsise. I asked what FI thought about it, he said he wanted it done, so did I that was the end of that. I would read up on the subject with your DH and ask a pediatrician about it and the difference for the child. Then make a well educated decision. Thats all the advice I have on the subject, sorry!!
Post # 14
Our convo has been a lot easxier than I thought. I thought DH would be against circumcising because he wasn’t. Turns out he wishes he had been and is for it, so yes we will do it.
Post # 15
My husband and I both will not be doing this and both are 100% in agreement, but if we weren’t on the same side, I would definitely go with what he wants since he has one and knows more about it than me!
Post # 16
We had a girl, but agreed that if it was a boy we’d leave it up to him to decide when he’s older.