Post # 1
I went over to a close friend’s tonight for dinner and some wine. As we’re hanging out she gets a call from this guy, who wants to come over and see her. Before he comes over, she tells me he’s married and has a pregnant wife and that she and him have slept together/sometimes hookup. I love my friend but I was shocked. I figured they wouldn’t do anything overtly obvious. But no, she was rubbing his leg, rubbing his stomach, entwining their legs together, etc right in front of me! I was shocked and sickened that this man’s WIFE is at home pregnant with their child, and he’s here blatantly flirting with my friend. I wanted to punch them both. I’m not going to say anything to my friend about it because it’s not my place….but man, I lost a little bit of respect for her tonight 🙁
Post # 3
not going to say anything to my friend about it because it’s not my place
why isnt it your place? so as a friend can be honest and tell her if her butt looks big in jeans but not tell you that you feel her choice in f*** buddy is wrong? for me, this is a matter of you surround yourself with people that reflect you and your life choices/morals – not saying im a golden moral compass but i couldnt support a friend behaving like this and i would have left immediately. yikes, you must have been SO uncomfortable!
edit: im also guessing at the time you were pretty shocked and didnt have time to react/think about it clearly
Post # 4
i would call her out on it. ive been there where his wife is. my ex was out screwing around behind my back when i was home pregnant and alone all day. its not a good place to be mentally and i wish i had found out he was screwing around on me before i was getting ready to go into labor.
Post # 5
I would of said something, I would want her to tell me what she thinks.. I’m friends with my friends because they are honest with me.
Post # 6
I think I would say something, and I’m very anti-confrontational. But I wouldn’t be able to stay friends with her if she continued that!
Post # 7
This just digusted me too! I would not be hanging out with that person, ever again. It says too much about her morality. Definitely not the type of thing I can tolerate, even if it were my own sister. You can talk to her all you want, but she isn’t gonna change. If she is able to rationalize screwing a married man with a pregnant wife, she is too far gone. I would just say, “I lost all respect for you when I watched you makeout with a married man, while his pregnant wife sits home clueless. We can no longer be friends, until and unless you undergo a serious change in your life.”
Post # 8
I would have left. I wouldn’t have scolded her but I would have just told her the truth. “I am not okay with this and I would be uncomfortable staying here while he is here.” Since you didn’t do that, you could still tell her it was uncomfortable for you and you do not want to be in that situation again because you are not okay with that type of relationship. You are her friend, so it is your place. If her friend doesn’t tell her, who will? She is an adult so you can’t make her stop, but you can and should tell her what you think.
Post # 9
I think too many women have this idea that certain things “aren’t their place”. You’re friend is knowingly doing something that is hurting other people, and it’s wrong. If you are truly friends, you should be able to tell her what you think and how you feel. You don’t have to start a big fight or anything, but maybe talk to her about it and see how she responds. Just because you’re friends doesn’t mean you have to feign approval even if you feel something is wrong or unfair. If you’ve lost respect for her, is it right to continue acting nice around her and biting your tongue? Say what you mean, and mean what you say. If she can’t account for herself or handle disapproval for something that is wrong, is she someone you really want to fake a friendship with?
Post # 10
I would not lecture her or disown her as a friend but I definitely would have told her that I was not comfortable being part of an evening she is spending with a married man. I would have left.
Post # 11
@Treasure43: I would have said something, maybe not right then, but I would when it was just the two of us together. I mean, if she doesn’t have any qualms about doing that with another woman’s husband, she probably wouldn’t have any qualms about doing it with my (your) husband.
Post # 12
I can’t believe she just out right told you the situation!!!!!!! I would have been no wait scratch that I AM disgusted!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EDIT: I am disgusted at BOTH of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That poor woman, at home pregnant & he is out sleeping around behind her back??? Un-freaking-belivable!
Post # 13
I wouldn’t have said anything and I’m super confrontational. She’s not doing anything wrong. He is.
Post # 14
If she knows about his wife she is in the wrong just as much as he is. If she didn’t know he was married than she isn’t wrong in any way. I would have said something. As a grown woman she should have more respect for a married pregnant woman than that.
Post # 15
If you can, please try to talk to her. There’s a lot of wrong in that situation on both sides. She might need a friend to help call her out on what it is exactly that’s leading her to make that choice – particularly as you said you were surprised/didn’t expect that behavior from her.
Affairs are extremely destructive relationships for everyone involved. Maybe it’s a sign of a(n even?) bigger issue.