(Closed) Disinterested about ceremony…

posted 7 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

that sounds pretty frustrating.  i don’t think you’re being oversensitive–this is obviously something that means a lot to you, and while you know it doesn’t have the same meaning for him, you’d like him to make an extra effort out of his love for you.  have you talked to him about it (not while upset)? maybe he just needs to hear how much you want him to be a part of this and how much it means to you.  or, do you two have to meet with a priest or anything? perhaps your priest could say something about the importance of the ceremony that would hit home? i’m sure he’ll come around soon!

my FI wasn’t involved in the ceremony at all. at all.

Post # 4
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sounds like my FH. He is very disinterested in the whole wedding process. The Catholic portion just adds another layer. He seems to think that since he’s a boy he shouldn’t have to participate. It’s annoying and I don’t have much advice but I’ve learned to involve other people and then just tell him what I’ve decided. He’s usually receptive after the choices have been made and will smile and tell me good job. Not my ideal sitution but it works.

Post # 5
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yea, my FI is uninterested as well–he’s not religious and admits to feeling weird about religion and even just the fact of getting married in a church. But he accepts that it’s important to me, and I’m grateful to him for it. For ceremony wording/music/etc. I pretty much do what @june42011 does, and it works pretty well. For the things I think he’d care about, I see if he has an opinion–sometimes he does, sometimes not.

Post # 6
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Have you done your Pre-Cana yet? My husband got more interested in planning the ceremony afterwards.

http://www.foryourmarriage.org has some helpful easy to understand Catholic wedding planning advice so that might help.

 

Post # 8
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@nbelle: Usually people do pre-cana through their home parish, even if they get married somewhere else. So that’s something to look into. 

Its kinda cute they do the Banns, I think. Now most churches just put it in the bulletin after the fact, so what good is that?

Post # 9
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I understand your frustration.  I’d be totally feeling frustrated, too. *hug*

I would talk to your FI about this.  This is not just about the wedding, which is just one day.  This is about the role of your faith in your lives for the next 50 or more years.  I’m afraid the situation is deeper than you two may realize.

What does your FI think about the Church and her sacraments?  Does he believe that the sacraments are gifts from God that will bestow special graces on the both of you?  If he understands and values this, he will want the Sacrament of Matrimony.

Talk about how he feels about the believing and living the values of the Gospels.  Does he?  If he does, explain to him why studying the Scripture is important, and why the readings at Mass are important, and how they incorporate into the vows you two make at the altar.

Talk about how he envisions faith in your lives.  Does he want to continue to nurture his relationship with God, and also, help you maintain yours?  If so, the two of you will need a regular prayer life, and you two will need to pray together regularly.

How does he envision raising children in the faith?  Remember that the home is the domestic church, which means that this is where your children will learn about love, faith, and God first and foremost.  Catholic schools, priests and nuns, books, and CCD or other religion classes are only secondary sources.

I really applaud you for wanting to practice the Catholic faith.  It’s hard on your own, not to mention, when the person you love the most isn’t into it or doesn’t desire to as much as you do.  I invite you to try to nurture your prayer life together, go to retreats together, and continue to go to Mass and try to understand the Church, her sacraments, and teachings.  It’ll be difficult as anything that’s different is going to be hard.  But I believe that your desire to be close to God is a work of the Holy Spirit, and if you continue to work towards it, God will help you.

Best to you two.

Post # 10
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

@Clearheavens… I like your reply! 

Post # 11
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We were the other way around.  I read all the readings and songs and what-not, but had a hard time choosing, so hubs chose almost everything.  It didn’t really matter to me and since he was the one that wanted to marry in church, it was pretty much on him.

Post # 12
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Missbliss: Thanks! I try to write with charity and compassion to help.

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