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Disinvite a Bridesmaid

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Is it OK to disinvite her from being a bridemaid
    Yes, but still invite her to the wedding : (4 votes)
    44 %
    No, you already asked her : (0 votes)
    Yes, I would also not invite her to the wedding : (5 votes)
    56 %
    Unsure : (0 votes)
  •  
    1.
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    3 posts
    Wannabee
    stacey9582    June 5, 2010   Michigan

    So here is the short version, I asked my brothers wife to be a bridesmaid a while ago. Well since then, it has come out that she has cheated on my brother and they are not doing so well. I tried giving her another chance but now my brother even told me to find someone else instead of her. Because of all of this her and I have had a falling out as well and I don't want her in my wedding anymore either. My question is, how do I disinvite her. Even though I am not happy with her I am still not a mean person. I need some help!

     
    2.
    3,234 posts
    Sugar bee
    Kittyachi    August 2010   New York

    Well I would hope she wouldn't still think she was going to be a BM after cheating on your brother. Just say - Look, given all that's going on with you and my brother, I don't think it is the best idea for anyone involved for you to remain a BM or attend the wedding.

    Why do you even care about her feelings? She cheated on your brother!

     
    3.
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    2,440 posts
    Buzzing bee
    MissHelen    November 20, 2010   California

    I agree with Kittyachi. Unless she's said something to make you believe she's still planning to be in the wedding, I don't know how necessary it is to tell her she's out. However, if you want to clear the air and just make sure there's no misunderstanding, go for it.

     
    4.
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    Bee Keeper
    His Barista    September 4, 2010   Spokane, WA

    I definitly agree with Kittiyachi. I mean really. She cheated on your brother! Of course you don't want her involved! GL!

     
    5.
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    474 posts
    Helper bee
    Beav1279    December 27, 2009   Austin, TX

    She has to know by now that you wouldn't want her in the wedding.. but just to have some closure, I suggest sending a very nice email to her, telling her, that due to the recent events, you have found someone else to stand up in your wedding.

     
    6.
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    4,141 posts
    Honey bee
    Rosie Girl    September 18, 2010   Montana

    I agree with Kittiyachi! And that sounds perfect to say to her!

     
    7.
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    3 posts
    Wannabee
    stacey9582    June 5, 2010   Michigan

    Thank you everyone! I know I feel the same way but for some reason I still feel bad. I thought the same thing that it should go without saying that I don't want her in it but my mom thinks she will still be upset and not see it coming. Its a weird situation because she is still around the family right now because they can't afford a divorce and haven't told their kids yet. So everyone is playing nice for now but I'm not lol. Thanks guys!

     
    8.
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    1,992 posts
    Buzzing bee
    ribbons    June 12, 2010  

    The only reason I think it's tricky is if they make up - then you will have officially snubbed her, despite her and your brother possibly mkaing up. If they're ostensibly separated and intend to divorce, I think it's easier. But if there's a possibility they're going to work things out, I'm not sure I would make such a statement of asking her to not be a bridesmaid anymore.

    Now, I still think anyone with a shred of decency would step down. Hopefully that's how it turns out.

     
    9.
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    1,579 posts
    Bumble bee
    GirlWithARing    September 5, 2010   Living in NYC, marrying in Philadelphia

    Even if they make up, I don't think it's horrible to have disinvited her - it's a difficult point in their relationship right now, and would be best for everyone if she was not involved in the wedding. Don't make it sound like a snub or a punishment, just the most stress-free solution available. 

     
    10.
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    372 posts
    Helper bee
    SoonToBeMrsV    July 3, 2010  

    I agree with the other posts.  I'd talk to her about not being in the wedding party but leave whether she is invited to the wedding to your brother.  After all, he is the common link.

     

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