Post # 1
So here is the short version, I asked my brothers wife to be a bridesmaid a while ago. Well since then, it has come out that she has cheated on my brother and they are not doing so well. I tried giving her another chance but now my brother even told me to find someone else instead of her. Because of all of this her and I have had a falling out as well and I don’t want her in my wedding anymore either. My question is, how do I disinvite her. Even though I am not happy with her I am still not a mean person. I need some help!
Post # 3
Well I would hope she wouldn’t still think she was going to be a BM after cheating on your brother. Just say – Look, given all that’s going on with you and my brother, I don’t think it is the best idea for anyone involved for you to remain a BM or attend the wedding.
Why do you even care about her feelings? She cheated on your brother!
Post # 4
I agree with Kittyachi. Unless she’s said something to make you believe she’s still planning to be in the wedding, I don’t know how necessary it is to tell her she’s out. However, if you want to clear the air and just make sure there’s no misunderstanding, go for it.
Post # 5
I definitly agree with Kittiyachi. I mean really. She cheated on your brother! Of course you don’t want her involved! GL!
Post # 6
She has to know by now that you wouldn’t want her in the wedding.. but just to have some closure, I suggest sending a very nice email to her, telling her, that due to the recent events, you have found someone else to stand up in your wedding.
Post # 7
I agree with Kittiyachi! And that sounds perfect to say to her!
Post # 8
Thank you everyone! I know I feel the same way but for some reason I still feel bad. I thought the same thing that it should go without saying that I don’t want her in it but my mom thinks she will still be upset and not see it coming. Its a weird situation because she is still around the family right now because they can’t afford a divorce and haven’t told their kids yet. So everyone is playing nice for now but I’m not lol. Thanks guys!
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
The only reason I think it’s tricky is if they make up – then you will have officially snubbed her, despite her and your brother possibly mkaing up. If they’re ostensibly separated and intend to divorce, I think it’s easier. But if there’s a possibility they’re going to work things out, I’m not sure I would make such a statement of asking her to not be a bridesmaid anymore.
Now, I still think anyone with a shred of decency would step down. Hopefully that’s how it turns out.
Post # 10
Even if they make up, I don’t think it’s horrible to have disinvited her – it’s a difficult point in their relationship right now, and would be best for everyone if she was not involved in the wedding. Don’t make it sound like a snub or a punishment, just the most stress-free solution available.
Post # 11
I agree with the other posts. I’d talk to her about not being in the wedding party but leave whether she is invited to the wedding to your brother. After all, he is the common link.
Post # 11
I am in the EXACT situation as this! I had asked my brother’s wife who was a friend of mine to be in our bridal party. Turns out she was having an affair for 4 months. After speaking to my brother who moved out, my fiance, MOH and family I decided to talk to his wife and let her know that given recent events I no longer felt comfortable with her being in my wedding party.
Cut to six months later…she is pregnant with my brother’s baby and refusing to attend any wedding event. We are cordial at family events, however any email I send to attempt to mend this is met with hostility on her end. My favorite one was her saying “My life is better when I pretend you don’t exist”. It’s very hard and stressful…and honestly makes me really upset.
Post # 12
stacey9582: I think she shouldn’t be in your wedding because it’s going to stress you out the whole day thinking about it. You can tell her that you are sorry but you think because of recent events it would be best if she wasn’t in the wedding party, but she is still married to your brother so invite her. IF they do not get divorced you will regreat not having your SIL at the wedding.
Post # 13
Do not feel bad. If someone cheated on my brother she better be glad I am not a violent person. Why be nice to her anyway? Cheating is pretty bad
Post # 14
This thread is 5 years old. I doubt the OP still needs any advice about this situation.
Post # 15
Sorry…i restarted it since I’m in the exact situation :/