(Closed) Disinvite a Bridesmaid

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Is it OK to disinvite her from being a bridemaid
    Yes, but still invite her to the wedding : (11 votes)
    37 %
    No, you already asked her : (2 votes)
    7 %
    Yes, I would also not invite her to the wedding : (17 votes)
    57 %
    Unsure : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3162 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Well I would hope she wouldn’t still think she was going to be a BM after cheating on your brother. Just say – Look, given all that’s going on with you and my brother, I don’t think it is the best idea for anyone involved for you to remain a BM or attend the wedding.

    Why do you even care about her feelings? She cheated on your brother!

    Post # 4
    Member
    2289 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I agree with Kittyachi. Unless she’s said something to make you believe she’s still planning to be in the wedding, I don’t know how necessary it is to tell her she’s out. However, if you want to clear the air and just make sure there’s no misunderstanding, go for it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    5498 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I definitly agree with Kittiyachi. I mean really. She cheated on your brother! Of course you don’t want her involved! GL!

    Post # 6
    Member
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    She has to know by now that you wouldn’t want her in the wedding.. but just to have some closure, I suggest sending a very nice email to her, telling her, that due to the recent events, you have found someone else to stand up in your wedding.

    Post # 7
    Member
    4024 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I agree with Kittiyachi! And that sounds perfect to say to her!

    Post # 9
    Member
    1288 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

    The only reason I think it’s tricky is if they make up – then you will have officially snubbed her, despite her and your brother possibly mkaing up. If they’re ostensibly separated and intend to divorce, I think it’s easier. But if there’s a possibility they’re going to work things out, I’m not sure I would make such a statement of asking her to not be a bridesmaid anymore.

    Now, I still think anyone with a shred of decency would step down. Hopefully that’s how it turns out.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1566 posts
    Bumble bee

    Even if they make up, I don’t think it’s horrible to have disinvited her – it’s a difficult point in their relationship right now, and would be best for everyone if she was not involved in the wedding. Don’t make it sound like a snub or a punishment, just the most stress-free solution available. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    372 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I agree with the other posts.  I’d talk to her about not being in the wedding party but leave whether she is invited to the wedding to your brother.  After all, he is the common link.

    Post # 11
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I am in the EXACT situation as this! I had asked my brother’s wife who was a friend of mine to be in our bridal party. Turns out she was having an affair for 4 months. After speaking to my brother who moved out, my fiance, MOH and family I decided to talk to his wife and let her know that given recent events I no longer felt comfortable with her being in my wedding party. 

    Cut to six months later…she is pregnant with my brother’s baby and refusing to attend any wedding event. We are cordial at family events, however any email I send to attempt to mend this is met with hostility on her end. My favorite one was her saying “My life is better when I pretend you don’t exist”. It’s very hard and stressful…and honestly makes me really upset. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    stacey9582:  I think she shouldn’t be in your wedding because it’s going to stress you out the whole day thinking about it.  You can tell her that you are sorry but you think because of recent events it would be best if she wasn’t in the wedding party, but she is still married to your brother so invite her.  IF they do not get divorced you will regreat not having your SIL at the wedding.

    Post # 13
    Member
    825 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Do not feel bad. If someone cheated on my brother she better be glad I am not a violent person. Why be nice to her anyway? Cheating is pretty bad 

    Post # 14
    Member
    46126 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    This thread is 5 years old. I doubt the OP still needs any advice about this situation.

    Post # 15
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Sorry…i restarted it since I’m in the exact situation :/

    The topic ‘Disinvite a Bridesmaid’ is closed to new replies.

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