Disinvited bridesmaid

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
9275 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I would not go, also the friendship would be on the rocks.

Post # 5
392 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@littleladyinlove:  um. If she has room for a singer she has room for a BM.. Don’t go. Just say sorry, but you’ll come as a guest or something. 

Post # 6
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Umm. I would also be hurt, but I don’t think I would say no to singing.

I mean, it really depends on how close you are and how “nicely” she asked you to step down from the wedding.

But I am Mexican, so that might be a cultural thing.

I wouldn’t say no just out of spite. Even if someone hurts me, I like to be a bigger person. If you don’t want to do it though, if you’ll feel unconfortable doing it, don’t.

Post # 7
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Yikes! I would be pretty offended. I guess it depends on what relationship you want to have with the bride from this point on.

If you still consider her to be one of your best friends, then sing at the wedding.

If you’re not sure, tell her you’ll come to the wedding, but don’t really want to take part…just be a guest. 

If you’re royally ticked and don’t know about keeping the relationship, don’t go to the wedding at all. 

Post # 9
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@littleladyinlove:  She’s probably trying to make herself better about disinviting you by giving you a “special role”. If you don’t want to sing but still want to attend as a guest, I don’t see anything wrong with declining her request.

Or just don’t go at all.

Post # 10
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@littleladyinlove:  Yikes that sucks! Tell her you are going to think about it and make your choice after this little shock has passed, I guess.

She might have her reasons, I mean, it was a very wrong thing to do (specially HOW she did it), but there are always two sides of the story.

What about having a talk about it, if you are close?

Post # 11
133 posts
Blushing bee

I’d definitely pass, and would definitely reevaluate my friendship with her. By reevaluate, I mean end. 

Post # 12
29 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014

Pass! How rude. She should have thought about her numbers before she asked everyone to be a bridesmaid. Re-evaluate the friendship, for sure.  


Post # 13
7273 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’ve got to disagree with PPs (Previous Posters) about questioning or ending the friendship. She could have been pressured by family, or her fiance, to change the bridal party. Perhaps she excitedly asked too many girls. It’s still a bad way to treat you, but I wouldn’t end a friendship over it.

But I agree with PPs that I would decline to sing. Only do that if you’re comfortable, which you’re obviously not. I would tell her that you’d simply rather attend as a guest.

Post # 14
689 posts
Busy bee

I think you need to tell her how you feel and then go from there. 

Post # 15
339 posts
Helper bee

Was anyone else disinvited? And i would be weird doing it… I would say no.

Post # 16
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would tell her how I feel for sure. I also wouldn’t sing for her. I’m sorry but I don’t think having a “job” in someone’s wedding is an honor. 

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