Dislike Heirloom Engagement Ring

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
92 posts
Worker bee

Would he be ok with you resetting the stone into a ring you like?

Post # 4
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@cam_ddrt:  Hmmm. This is a tough one. If I were in that situation, I would wear the ring until the wedding and pick a super awesome, gorgeous, blingy band and just wear that after you’re married and put your engagement ring away or wear it on the right hand.


It is a really sweet gesture from your FI, however you can always try to talk to him about it and maybe he will understand and you both can pick something out together that is more you.

Post # 5
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

@cam_ddrt:  I believe you could get the ring “dipped” in white gold or platinum to change the color. Or perhaps you could have the setting recreated in white gold, if you like the setting and just not the color.

Post # 6
897 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Could you ask if you can have the diamond reset into a setting of your taste? 

Post # 7
5445 posts
Bee Keeper

@JemmyGee:  I agree. 

I wouldn’t reset it or rhodium plate it or anything because this is a piece of family history that’s probably from the 20s or 30s and I don’t think the family would appreciate you changing it, and if you ask they might feel like they have to say yes. I would get an awesome standalone wedding band (whatever that means to you) and just wear that after the wedding.

Post # 8
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@cam_ddrt:  I agree – incorporate the stone into a new ring, or keep the ring intact, and keep it as a family heirloom.  Maybe it will suit your future daughter in law!

Post # 11
604 posts
Busy bee

Pics? I’d say get a nice wedding band and not wearing the e-ring after the wedding.

Post # 12
5445 posts
Bee Keeper

@cam_ddrt:  that’s sad. Would your FI understand if you said you didn’t like it and wanted something your own (in nicer words)?

Post # 13
7467 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think this is a tough situation but under no circumstance would I mention resetting or dipping the ring. It is an heirloom.

Think of it this way. What if you gave your ring that you loved to your daughter who inturn gave it to her son to give to his FI. His FI asks to get the ring reset or dipped because she hates it (and you know this is true because she has asked for it to be changed) thus forever altering the ring that your husband (who could be deceased by this stage) gave you as a representation of his love for you. It would sting wouldn’t it?

Persoanlly I would just wear the ring.

But if you hate it so much that you cannot bear to wear it then I would be honest with your FI but be prepared that it might upset him and his family.

Post # 14
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

In terms of not wanting to show your parents, etc., a yellow gold ring with a small diamond tends to say to people, “down-to-earth, classic bride” and the fact that it’s heirloom just makes that sentiment have even more potency. To me, that’s a very complimentary sentiment.

Post # 15
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

If switching settings is not an option, I would just get a fancy wedding band!  🙂

Post # 16
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Can you compromise and get a fancy wedding band, then an anniversary ring at the 5 year? If you say you want something a little different and end up with a bigger diamond, it could come across to your FMIL that you wanted bigger, which doesn’t look good.

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