Dissapointed friend won't acknowledge pregnancy…

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

Well, in her defense, all of those things you mentioned are baby related. 

I’m wondering if you talk about it more than you realize, and she’s just plain sick of it?

But for her to mention every single time that she doesn’t want to talk about the baby is pretty weird. Maybe she is afraid she’ll lose you two as friends when the baby comes along- which is a valid concern, because they do take a lot of time and care. 

I think you need to express to her how important her friendship is to both of you, and that you want to have a standing dinner with her (weekly or monthly, whatever works for you) after the baby comes. 

Post # 3
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m guessing she’s feeling insecure about how your relationship might change drastically now because of this pregnancy and baby and she’s trying really hard not to let it change… She wants things to stay the way they are, but obviously that can’t happen and this is a really major part of what’s going on in your life right now. 

It’d be one thing if she just wasn’t inquiring about the pregnancy or baby, but to constantly tell you that she doesn’t want to hear about it is kind of a red flag… I guess the bottom line is that some friends will come and go in our lives depending on the stage we are in and they are in.. this might just be a friend that fades out a bit now, because the baby is going to come, whether she likes it or not.  BUT, maybe once it’s here, she’ll change her tune a little bit and be more accepting.

Good luck!

Post # 4
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

missjewels:  curious…is she unable to have children?  I have a friend who is like this, and most people don’t know that she’s not able to have kids and deep down it bugs her but she never talks about it.  She doesn’t like hearing about other people being pregnant because it reminds her.

Other than that possibility, it’s weird.

Post # 6
Member
3547 posts
Sugar bee

missjewels:  I don’t know it’s hard to relate to a pregnant woman when you’re not pregnant or don’t know anyone who’s been pregnant (her I dont’ like babies, leads me to believe she hasn’t been pregnant or is close to anyone).  Perhaps talk to her about why she doesn’t like  to talk about anything baby related?  She may be sad that she doesn’t have anybody like you do (husband impending child).

Post # 8
Hostess
9910 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

missjewels:  I know people who haven’t tried but know they can’t have children – things they found out at a young age (medical complications etc).

Other than that I think she must just be afraid of losing your current dynamic and is worried that the baby will change things and life revolves around baby (Which in reality, it kinda does)

Post # 9
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your friend is quite rude. It’s going to be hard for you to continue being friends with her if she truly doesn’t want to hear ANYthing about your baby — once he/she is born, it’s REALLY going to be hard not to talk about it! I would just have a conversation with her telling her that you respect that she’s not into babies, but this is a huge part of your life, and you can’t just shut it down completely when you’re in her presence. And then just hope she understands. 

ETA: part of being a good friend is supporting your friends’ interests. One of my best friends is an opera singer. I really dislike opera. But you know what? I go to her operas, and I’m so happy to be there, experiencing her world and supporting the amazing woman who is my friend. Your friend should feel the same way about you.  

Post # 10
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

So I’m curious how YOU think you’re going to be able to be friends with this woman after the baby comes?  You and you DH are going to be all about the baby for the next 50 years of your life, plus more babies I’m sure so I don’t see how you’ll be friends with her when she won’t even let you say that you’re not feeling well???

Personally, I’d talk with her if this were my friend and ask her how she sees the future of your relationship because the baby isn’t going anywhere… like you’re not going to lock the newborn in its room so she can have a nice intimate dinner with just you! 

Very odd indeed… never heard of this before.

Post # 11
Member
6030 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It doesn’t matter why she’s placed this topic off-limits. It only matters that she has placed the topic off-limits. The topic of the baby himself/herself is intertwined with the topic of pregnancy and everything that goes with it, just like the topic of Chicago is deeply intertwined with the topic of America. You have to respect her wishes and keep conversation fully away from those things. Only time will tell if you three can learn to maintain a friendship once your baby arrives; maybe she will soften her position a bit, or maybe you will be able to more gently steer around her land mines, but either way, IF there is a chance for the friendship to survive, then you have to respect her requests.

Post # 12
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee

I can’t speak for your friend but I am not into children or babies so maybe I might be able to speak to this situation.

If a friend of mine got pregnant honestly I wouldn’t be into pregnancy or baby talk either,but I wouldn’t outright tell her not to talk about it. I would probably have short answers or change the subject because it’s not something I am overly comfortable with.

No one will be more interested in your pregnancy that you, some will be super involved, some will not be interested.Sounds like your friend is that later.

This is why a lot of times people who do not care for children drift away from their friends with babies. I know when my friends started having kids we naturally came to a point where our interest were no longer aligned and we became distant.

Believe it or not there is somewhat of a mommy club and if you don’t like kids your not welcome

Post # 13
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

If the tables were turned and there was something that she was very passionate about/was very central to the next stage of her life, and you put all topics around that off-limits, how would she feel?

It seems like she isn’t a good friend and likely you won’t have much in common after baby. Some friendships can’t survive new life stages. 

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