- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I have a friend who I’ve known since 6th grade and we’ve always been pretty close until recently. I know friendships change and all, but she’s been one of the ones I can always rely on no matter what … until she got married 2 years ago. It wouldn’t be such a big deal because, like I said, people change and so do friendships, except I was planning on having her as a bridesmaid. I haven’t formally asked her yet but it’s been … inferred I guess you could say? And we’ve discussed dresses and colors and what not so she KNOWS I was planning on asking her. The thing is, after some recent events, I’m not so sure how I feel about her being in my wedding!
See, ever since she got married she kind of got all high and mighty on me which is SO SO SO out of character for her. We stopped hanging out all the time and talking less, which of course is only natural since she has a husband now, they live a little farther away, she has two jobs, we both have crazy schedules, etc, etc. But we always at least made an effort to call and chit chat or hang out every once in awhile. But eventually the conversations became so disjointed. We’re always on two seperate planets. Things are actually awkward between us because I feel like we have nothing in common any more.
I figured things might improve once I got engaged b/c at least we had THAT in common, but no. Every tiny decision my fiance and I have made has been harshly critisized by her. Again, this is TOTALLY out of chracter! She used to be one of the nicest, most accepting, supportive people I knew! Now she’s condescending and downright rude sometimes.
Things recently got worse when, after not speaking to or seeing her for MONTHS, she asked me to house/dog sit for her. I agreed without thinking it through, and ended up screwing myself for SO many reasons for the 10 days she was away. During that time, I was SO stressed b/c of the distance between her house and my job and fiance and family, her HORRIBLY misbehaved dogs, and so many other things. I had an all out panic attack freak out and had to recruit my dad, sister, and fiance to take shifts watching the house. I didn’t tell her b/c I felt guilty, but I have a feeling that she somehow knows and is pissed about it. The thing is …I do feel a little guilty, but I also feel horribly used and taken advantage of. And we’ve grown so far apart I can’t even imagine telling her the truth.
When she came back from vacation, she gave me a thank you gift. It was appreciated of course, and I don’t mean to sound selfish or nasty, but the gift was TOTALLY not something I would ever use or wear, and to me that just proves how much she does NOT know me anymore. (then I felt guilty for not liking the gift but that’s a whole other issue). I actually almost cried because I realized that I felt like I had done a favor for and received a gift from a stranger. And I didn’t even feel appreciated b/c I really don’t feel like she took the time to consider my personality or feelings when asking me to house sit or picking out the gift. It was like she picked me to watch the house b/c I can be a push over sometimes, and she grabbed the first tshirt she saw and gave it to me without even considering my taste or size. I know that sounds bitchy but … when you’re close friends with someone, I feel like you should KNOW them enough to avoid those kinds of things! Ugh I’m a bitch.
I just don’t know what to do. I’ve thought about writing her an email but I don’t know if that’d solve anything. And I also feel that she’s collected so many new, married, “better” friends recently that she wouldn’t even care.
And I have NO idea what to do about her being a bridesmaid in my wedding! I want her there … but only if it’s the OLD her. I mean, how do you tell someone that?? And if our friendship ends or goes cold, I’m losing an entire group of people that the two of us have always been close to. Sigh. I don’t want that to happen.
Ugh, I just don’t know what to do.